sbragen asked this question on 4/4/2000:

This is the story:

About 20 years ago, a woman I worked with was verbally harrassing me because I had slighted her.

I had inadvertently discovered a family secret. I found that her family was mafia, but I kept what I knew a secret. She never knew that I knew.

Because of this fact, I never wanted to become overly friendly or involved with her, but did so because I wanted to "keep the peace" in the office and to remain on her "good side". I was often afraid to annoy her.

She has since admitted that I was correct and that her family is in the mafia, but claims it is "just a business".

At that time, she was constantly troublesome at work, verbally fighting with an Hispanic woman, calling her a spic and general harrassment.

She complained daily about "the mexican" and made up stories about other people within the organization. I would get a daily headache because of it.

Although she assumed we were "best friends" I never thought of her that way. I did tell her, however, of personal confidential problems that I had. That, however, was a big mistake.

One day, she asked me if I would cut her boyfriend's hair. I invited them over to my home. I was informed by the police chief of my hometown (through his daughter, whom I was friendly with) that it would be best not to associate with this person, and invite her into my neighborhood. I lived in a sheltered suburb of Chicago.

Consequently, when I moved to a different office, I figured this was my chance to change gears and stop associating with her.

She took offense, felt I slighted her, and started making up stories about me. She told people that I took drugs, stole money from work, fooled around with all the guys at work, was a prostitute and blah, blah, blah.

I was actually propositioned by a fellow employee who was a salesman. He asked if I would go out with a client of his for him.

When I asked him who had told him I would do this, he gave me the name of this woman. I was sometimes afraid at times of getting physically hurt or beat because of this woman's lies.

Once I heard her making up stories about me when I walked into the washroom and caught her in the act. However, I was afraid of her and said nothing.

Anything she could say to make me look bad she would say. (all untrue, I might add, I was actually kind of a goody two shoes!)

I complained about her to my boss, her boss, and to personnel, but they told me to ignore it. They did nothing about her harrassment and they did nothing for the hispanic woman!

I wound up quitting my job because of this and for political reasons, but mostly I quit because of the character defamation.

And then, lo and behold, several years later, guess what? We both wind up living in the same town!! I felt sick when I found out she was here!

Well, once again she starts the same old baloney, calling me a criminal, prostitute, whore, pretty much everything imaginable - blah, blah and blah.

Unfortunately, this woman comes across as "authoritative", "knowledgeable" and "important". They do not know her background as I do. People DO actually believe her lies and I was afraid of her.

Once again, she had defamed my character and reputation. I spoke with a lawyer about suing her for defamation of character, but I felt that I could not win the case. I was also afraid of her "connections". The lawyer said I could send her a "cease and desist" letter. I didn't do it.

Because of this harrassment, I have now got myself in serious trouble with the police.

Because of my anger, I telephone harrassed her many times and sent her silly cards that told her what I thought of her. I did not sign my name.

This happened between January and October of 1994. The calls were just hang up calls, I have never threatened her in any way. However, she called the police because she felt threatened.

Apparently, they have evidence that I was the one making the calls because they told her that they know "I had something to do with the calls". They would like to interview me, but they have no probable cause because I have done nothing illegal since 1994.

Now, of course, I really am a criminal! This woman would like me to either move out of town or be arrested.

I know the cops are harrassing me though I basically am a good person. Now I am now the one getting strange phone calls and strange mail.

I am really upset about this and I am dead serious! Can you give me some advice about this situation? I really do not feel that I am not a paranoid personality but this situation is making me paranoid!

I went to the police station to see if there was a complaint filed against me and they said no. I have asked them if there was anything on my license plate that would cause them to harrass me and they say no. There is no warrant for my arrest. What is going on? Who should I talk to or what can I do about this situation?

Thank you for any advice or help you can offer me!

Poe gave this response on 4/5/2000:

First of all, stop making any calls or sending any mail, as you already know. Second, keep any mail or other harrassing correspondence and if you do not have deluxe caller ID, get it, as it will generally, log the name and number of any calls you get, so you will have a record of the source of the call. However, be sure you delete non-essential callers so that it doesn't "overwrite" the ones you wish to keep logged. If the police have no charges against you, then you are not obligated to cooperate, but I would speak with an attorney. You did not say how the cops were harrassing you, but it could be that this person has a couple of buddies on the force, whom are trying to throw a scare into you. Also, I wouldn't believe they had "evidence" of calls you made unless a cop told you that, and if they did, then bear in mind that they use such tactics to get you to confess. DON'T speak to them without an attorney present!!!! I cannot stress this strongly enough!!! If you could get recordings of her libelous statements to others, or connect her in some way, you have a better chance of proving your case. As far as police harrassment goes, Me and my husband were once being harrassed by a female officer where we live(we never found out why) but I had finally had enough and proceeded to the station to file a citizen complaint for harrassment. I asked the person at the front desk to speak to whomever was in charge(per instructions from my step-dad who is chief of police in another state) and the person very arrogantly and rudely demanded to know why. My statement to this person was that I wanted to file harrassment charges against one of their officers, to which she immediately picked up the phone and within 30 seconds a superior was through the doors to talk to me. I stated my position to him, and of course he tried to diplomatically defend the officer. When he realized during the course of the conversation that I knew my rights and what the officer in question could and could not legally do in her position as a cop, the tuned changed. He assured me that their would be no further problems and that I did not have to worry about reprisals from the officer. I never saw or had a problem with her again and that has been over 4 years ago. Police departments do not like negative publicity, or a potential law suit. Don't let yourself continue to be a victim to either this person or the police, They will keep you in that position as long as you let them. Stand up for your rights!!! Good luck!

sbragen asked this follow-up question on 4/11/2000:

Hello again:

There is something that I did fail to mention regarding this case that I think may be pertinent to the drug issue you mentioned in your answer.

My husband and I do not do drugs, "push" drugs or drink to excess. My husband is VERY naive about the subject of drugs. I, however, when I was young in the '60's and '70's saw several people I knew become involved with and even die of drug overdoses. As far as I am aware of, alcoholism/drug abuse was not involved in either of our families history.

However, my son was arrested at 17 for drug paraphenalia in 1998.

He was arrested once again for burglary in 1999 at 18, and is a now a convicted felon.

A bunch of kids broke into cars along a street and stole things. I believe that he/they did this to sell the items for drug money, although we are well off and live in an affluent suburb of Chicago.

Our suburb is affluent, and DOES have the $$$$ to "watch" people. Our taxes are over $10M a year. I do believe this type of surveillance would be a waste of taxpayer's funds.

Back to the subject, my son received S.W.A.T duty for this crime which he has not totally completed at this time.

He recently violated his probation and is now in the county jail for 45 days.

He violated his probation by having three positive THC tests, and also for ignoring his probation officer when he was ordered to come in for a another test. He has been through court-ordered counseling, has been through D.A.R.E. at school, and as parents, we basically set a good example. He should know better by now. Many of his friends parents, however, do have drinking problems from what I understand.

I have spoken to the P.O. about my son even though he is 19 and considered an adult. He will be 20 in May.

His P.O. told me that he has seen an improvement in my son and that he is straightening out.

However, the judge told my son next time it will be the state pen for him.

I am certain that he has been recently involved with pushing drugs. He had the windows on his car tinted and I feel that he did this to avoid anyone seeing drugs in his car.

I am hoping that this little stint in the county jail will finally wake him up.

Fortunately/unfortunately(?) this county jail is "like a country club" and may not be harsh enough.

I have failed as a parent to impress on him how serious this drug issue is; either taking and/or pushing drugs.

I know I may sound harsh, but I do not know what else to do, and feel that jail time is for the best. I cannot seem to straighten him out, I pray the government can.

However, on the day of his court date, I got a "strange" call once again. On my caller I.D. was United States Government Can Company!!

Ha, Ha!! - Get it? I believe the police were informing me that my son was going to the U.S Government can/jail!! Ha! Ha!

If I wasn't so upset, I would find it hilarious myself!!

I called U.S. Government Can Company to see who had called. Why, no one had called me, of course! I must be mistaken!

A coincidence, I think not!

After you mentioned that the police do not do this kind of surveillance unless there is a significant drug bust or seizure etc., I find myself pondering whether my SON is the target of this investigation - not myself.

Unless the police think, of course, that because I was involved in one criminal act, that I might be involved in others. i.e. and that my husband/I are involved in this drug related activities which is totally, absolutely 100% false!

Am I making sense now that you know the additional story involved?

WHAT should I do now? Thank you, once again for all your help and input!!!

Poe gave this response on 4/11/2000:

Your son could very well be the target of an investigation, especially if they think he is dealing drugs. I hope I am wrong, but it sounds like your son may be in need of a little more than counseling. He could well need what is referred to as intensive drug rehab. This is a stronger method of treatment than mere counseling. From what you told me so far, it sounds like he isn on the road to addiction, if he hasn't made it there yet. Continuing to pursue this behavior, despite the negative consequences he has been experiencing, i.e, jail, etc, are indicators of a more serious problem. Jail punishes the crime but does not treat the underlying problem, and in many jails, drugs are as easy to get as they are on the streets. Bear in mind, that if your son is using your home to stash and/or sell drugs, then it opens you and your husband up to potential incrimination and liability criminally. As for the police, if they are still harassing you, I would speak to an attorney. A simple call from him could put things right. Good Luck!

sbragen asked this follow-up question on 4/12/2000:

Thank you once again for your help. I am going to look into intensive rehab for him.

Poe gave this response on 4/14/2000:

You are very welcome. I hope you can find help for your son, and I hope he is willing to accept the help offered. Drug addiction is a disease, and should be treated as such.If it is in fact determined that he is addicted, he has hard row to hoe ahead of him, and will need your love and emotional support. I am not going to lie; it will not be easy for any of you, but he deserves a better life than the one addiction has to offer, and hopefully with help, he will see that for himself. May the grace of God go with all of you! Good Luck!

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