Ebony5150 asked this question on 3/16/2000:

My father raped me the first time when I was 3. The abuse continued from what I can remember until 8 or 9. That is the last flashback I can remember signifying that the abuse happened also up to that age. My auntie says I told her about some abuse at the age of ten. My mother was there at the beginning and at the end (I think the end, at least what I believe was the end) and she never once tried to stop or succeeded in stopping my father's actions. I am completely baffled as to why my father would pursue children (as he has been with other children before me and I was born for him so the secret could stay in the house). Even more confused I find myself wondering why he wants to claim he loves me after he's completely distroyed any hope of having a normal life. Why is he like he is and does he really have the ability of loving?

Poe gave this response on 3/17/2000:

There are many theories concerning incest/pedophilia. Some say it is related to chemical imbalances, some say it is purely psychological. Regardless of the true nature of this problem, I think everyone would agree that the people who do this are sick. There may be many reasons why you Mother did not intervene,i.e fear of reprisal etc, however, there is no excuse for a mother not to protect her child. Your father may genuinely feel that he loves you, but it isn't a healthy love obviously, and at this point, I would hazard to say that he is incapable of real fatherly love, as it is obvious he has no idea what real healthy fatherly love is. Your father is in need of help SEVERELY!! If he has abused before you, then with you, he WILL abuse again given the opportunity. If you have children protect them at all cost!! This is not something that just happens once or goes away, as you have seen for yourself. Many pedophiles were also sexually abused as children, and often times they have no idea that this behavior is abnormal, since they themselves have not had the chance to know what normal is. I'm curious as to what your mother and father now say regarding this behavior!? I would distance myself from them if they do not get help-for your own safety. I would also warn any family or friends with children, of their behavior. Most of all, I would seek help for myself. Child sexual abuse leaves many scars to the victim, and sometimes, the trauma associated with this abuse manifests itself in problems that may seem unrelated to the abuse and/or not show up for years. Seek help! You are worth it and above all Never think you were at fault as so many children of this kind of abuse do. I am also curious as to why your aunt did not intervene once she was told!? Good luck, I hope this helps!

Ebony5150 asked this follow-up question on 3/17/2000:

My mother won't speak of the subject. She says she has moved on and I need to do the same. In the same breath she states, she doesn't speak of it because it's too painful. My father will speak about it and cry but I don't feel it's genuine. Sure, I think he may feel sorry he hurt me, but I think speaking about it still excites him, so I don't bother. I have not spoken to my father since June'99 and my mother since Nov'99 except once for one hour because I missed her? or was curious if she was still the same? maybe bored? I really don't know. I think my aunt didn't intervene because we (brother and I) were well outspoken when it came to being split up from our parents and she didn't want to go against that. I'm not sure what exactly I told her. Maybe I only gave a hint. I really can't tell you. Actually, up until you questioned it, I didn't even think about it. We lived with her for 2 months but we missed our parents too much and we were so dysfunctional that we went back with them.

Poe gave this response on 3/27/2000:

Your mother may think she has moved on, but she hasn't, especially if she says its too painful to talk about. That means she still has deep seated feelings and thoughts that have gone unresolved. You don't have to move on until you feel ready, and your mother needs to wake up and realize the trauma this has caused you. You have a right to the answers you seek. Your father's tears are more likely for himself than you. Both your parents sound more afraid that their dirty little secret will get out, and I think your mother is too afraid to face her guilt and shame over not protecting you. Doing so would mean that she would have to accept her share of responsibility for what happened. It is understandable that you would not want to be seperated from your parents. You were young and it was the only environment you knew, and as children we want what is familiar, even when it is less than idea. The unknown seems scarier. As children, we also tend to love our parents unconditionally. We are naive and lack the maturity to face our parents for what they are by looking at them, as people, objectively. In a child's mind, the parent is all-powerful, so don't blame yourself for not wanting out; it's common. I hope you have considered seeking some support and help since I last spoke to you. All the questions you have are valid, and while they may all not get answered, you have a right to ask. You did nothing wrong! You trusted; they broke it, and that is not your fault. I hope you learn to see your inner strength and how it has brought you this far. Your ultimate peace is going to lie within you. You deserve it; strive for it. Seek some help; you owe it to yourself, and you have a right to want it.

The average rating for this answer is 4.9.

Ebony5150 rated this answer a 5.

Yes, I do know the strength that is inside and I do plan to bring this out. I have been in professional counseling since June of '99. I don't feel like I have made any progress, but I am coming out of my house now, so I do know I have. Thank you for your answers. There are very helpful and encouraging.