kwhurt asked this question on 3/21/2000:

I have never had a parking ticket, nor ever disrespected the law. I have never been accused in a court of anything, never anything. I am in my mid 50's, and I guess the mistake I made was filing for divorce from a man I was married to for 35 years.

I only left once and when I left I sought help from the BRASS group, who advised me to get a DVO, I did, but in a small rural town this is no good. Our son had one for his family, our daughter got one too! The father stayed away from the son due to it being in a county in this state who arrested him for not even appearing in court when ordered in regards to my sons DVO. Therefore, he knew to stay away from there.

My DVO was violated 14 times, our daughters 5 times during the struggle to move out of that county. Nothing was ever done, the local prosecutor said he considered it a dog and cat fight. He advised me to listen to country music and I would know it was. The rationale was beyond me. The ex-husband said in that county courtroom during our divorce in front of all of them, he could kill me anytime and none of the judges, lawyers, or attorneys there would do a thing to him. That he would catch me one day on the road or somewhere, it may be two or three years or more but he would get me and they would not help me. He said he would make life miserable and he did to the point I was put in jail on a contempt of court order based on the property settlement. I had to release back to him my rights in a retirement fund only he had, I had to have our son sign over a boat we had given him two years prior to my even leaving this man, and I had to have a friend sign back a car to him. With those people helping me, I spent 2 1/2 months there til I gave in and let them sign these things over to him. I was then released.

This is justice???? Now at 57 years old I have learned to use a gun well, I feel watched constantly and the fear and the thought of what he might do yet to one of kids or new grandchildren is constant. I keep the gun in plan sight when traveling, but I have no confidence that the law would help me.

Have you ever heard of this before. Most of the inmates thought I was there for hitting a judge. Because it is a small town, they knew my exhusband and always thought he was crazy. Some of them had been his girlfriends through out the last 10 years of our marriage. They were in jail for drugs, alcohol, bad checks, murder, and etc. One suggested I have him killed to stop it all.

If the law defends such a person, why should I respect it anymore? I fight this idea in my head all the time, if it was not for my kids and grandchildren I would have done something stupid.

I never went out on my husband, but since our divorce was final I have found someone who takes care of me as best he can. The only good thing in my life in a long time, but he was jumped by this exhusband (whom my new man beat the day lights out of), and guess what the ex was never prosecuted for that.

Not only am I embarrassed by all this, but I just stay crazy trying to figure it all out. Do I have a police record now? I am afraid to find out the answer. If you have ever heard of any of the likes of this or know of any suggestions except take care of myself, please let me know.

Thankyou,

lakers gave this response on 3/21/2000:

I understand your feelings completely. When I was responsible for training police agencies, here in a place known to be on the cutting edge of domestic violence response, police officers were less than adequate in many instances. It sounds like you live in a town that has "good old boy" syndrome. Basically, they think that if domestic violence is tied in with a divorce, it is just a charge being used to manipulate the outcome of a divorce settlement. If DVO's are not being enforced, then the police have placed you in even worse danger. Put together a log of all DVO violations with dates, times, place and what occured. Give it to your lawyer and have him attach it with a letter to the police chief and even the mayor and city council member. Have him explain that domestic violence is a serious political issue, and if you are harmed due to the lack of response by the police agencies, the city is on notice and their liability will be huge. Also include the name, date and comments of the prosecutor you spoke with and have it sent to the District Attorney, mayor and city counsel. His statements are completely inappropriate and contrary to his ethical duty to vicitms. That might get them to do something for you.

Please know that you are in serious danger from your ex-husband. The percentage of homicides in domestic situations increase when a victim is trying to leave an abusive relationship. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Also know that your husband may be able to overpower you, take your weapon and use it against you and loved ones. Since your new man had to beat up your ex, perhaps that might deter him from being a future problem- but you can't assume anything.

It is doubtful you have a criminal record. It sounds like you were jailed on contempt of court in a civil proceeding, which would not trigger a criminal record. If you had a criminal record, you would know. You would have to be charged with a crime, arraigned within 3 days of being in custody and have a right to a trial. It doesn't sound like any of that happened.

Finally, know that I agree with you about "justice." Our system is flawed and inadequate in many ways. Lady Justice sometimes isn't blindfolded- she has her eyes wide open and she is winking at those with the most power, money or political agendas. It's a tough system to go through and can be an experience that causes cynicism. At this point, try to put the past behind you. You are free of a man who has serious problems and are making a start at a new life, with the cautions I previously cited to you. If your situation does not improve, consider whether you have the means to move away and start fresh. If your safety becomes increasingly threatened, contact a battered women's shelter immediately and go there.

Best of luck.

The average rating for this answer is 5.

kwhurt rated this answer a 5.

I thank you for your time and consideration, and the thought of moving away left me when I met this good man. Unfortunately the old husband moved within a mile of us 4 months ago, and I am sure it is a reminder that I have to be alert at all times. I agree with my new man that I cannot run, I have two grown children and two beautiful new grandbabies, for their sake I am around. As this same man's cousin was our best man 35 years ago, and his wife of 45 years decided to get a divorce and ended up murdered by her husband, along with murdering his married daughter, and shooting himself to death in Indiana, I am especially careful. I just wish the laws were made that could protect a person no matter where they lived. Yes, the good ol boy syndrome was used. Yes, I have my head on, I was in law enforcement 12 years, but my respect for the law has dwindled to null and void. Thank you Again,