While I was on $cio Staff in Boston, I was told that I was "out-ethics" because I drank to much, I was frequently ridiculed and humilated over this. My life was absolutely miserable during this time, I constantly thought about committing suicide as a relief to what I was going through. Before this I used to date a B1 (for those newbies a B1 is part of the esponige team in $cio) walking around Boston he used to harass street drunks, druggies etc... because they were "degraded Beings" and deserved it. They would never get out of their condition and deserved what ever was coming to them. So while my alcohoism was taking off, I was treated more and more like a DB myself, and felt like the biggest piece of shit on the planet.. Anyways to make a very long story short, years after getting away from $cio physically, unfortunately not mentally, I finally got help from AA.. One of the reasons that it took so long was that I was brainwashed into thinking that any kind of therapy including AA was "another practice" and that I should not get involved. And this was after being disconnected from $cio for many years, I was that brainwashed!!!!! Well, I did get sober through AA and finally realized that I was not a "DB" but that I had an illness. I also started to see other so called "DB's" I mean real down and out drunks who were coming from the street, jail, institutions come into AA and turn their lives around to a level of pride,usefullness happiness and sprituality that $cio could not even concieve of. I'm happier and more productive than I ever was in $cio, and the more I participate in this NG the better I feel about the horrendous time I had there This NG has taken me out of my isolation regarding $cio along with therapy etc. Thank you very much for being here.

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