This is some funny shit!

"Michael Reuss" <michaeleatmorespamreuss@no.comcast.spam.net> wrote in message news:2a4oi0limo3ulubemvqek47nn2c6g1cqs0@4ax.com... > > alexschultz61@yahoo.com (alex schultz) wrote:
>
> > I heard years ago that the manufacturer of Ritalin also manufactures
> > some of the food additives that are suspected of causing and/or
> > exacerbating ADHD in children.
>
> Yes, in fact, the additives (called AngelRit) come from a factory
> cleverly disguised as a baby food plant on the Western coast of the
> southernmost continent on planet Gorrellia-Goalia-4, in quadrant 7.
> Shipments labeled "Gerber Peaches" arrive through the low orbit
> transwarp jump gate every day at 17:15 hrs, GMT, then are dropped into
> the TGAK AtM in Haliburton DropFloats, which are picked up by OG Cargo,
> Inc. transports, which bring them to ports around the world, from which
> they are globally dispersed via ground transport. All of which is to
> say, of course, that the AngelRit comes in via normal tri-L distribution
> channels.
>
> > Does anybody here have any information
> > confirming or disproving this claim?
>
> Under ear-implant hypnosis, I instructed super OwE-TEe Barbara Schwarz
> to channel the Marcabian Crown Prince. I didn't know if he could be
> induced into her body by my hypnosug, but I enticed him with glossy
> high-production value porn pictures of self-masturbation while inside
> her body. In case you don't realize this, the tendency for Marcabian
> sexual organs to fall off after a normal reproductive cycle peak in
> early adulthood, leaves lots of frustrated M-guys, with lots of
> memories. They'll do almost anything for the promise of just one more
> orgasm.
>
> My pictures worked. Using her voice and body, as he was masturbating
> him/herself, he confessed the truth about the AngelRit plant to me. I
> got his very words saved on MP3 files, which are, at this very moment,
> cleverly hidden throughout the world in secretly encrypted Slim Whitman
> tracks, on multiple illegal file sharing sites, planetwide.
>
> Now, I readily admit the confession audio is a bit difficult to hear
> with all the gushing and squishing sounds coming from the crotch area. I
> guess, since I was going for high fidelity, I shouldn't have tempted his
> highness with the images of personal stimulation using a live octopus.
> Oh well. Live and learn, eh?
>
> Anyway, I know what I'm saying must be true, because now the Nazis are
> after me. Just yesterday, I got some junk mail from one of their front
> groups, called Magazine Clearinghouse Subscriptions Sweepstakes. This
> letter contained some serious implied threats of bodily harm to any
> hamsters that live in my house. Clearly, they're warning me that my male
> reproductive parts are in jeopardy, if they can ever find me. As if you
> needed more proof, THEN it was cloudy all the next day. How often do you
> think that happens? Not all that often, I can tell you.
>
> That's what I call conclusive proof, my friend.
>
> > I see my friends being pressured
> > to put their kids on that poison
>
> Who are you trying to kid? I hacked through the ICE at Tri-L's SecURNet
> and called up your security/risk analysis file. I have it right here in
> front of me. You don't have any friends. No one likes you. Your aquaint
> ences have all just been too polite to tell you. Sorry I had to be the
> one to break it to you...
>
> The good news is, you're not considered much of a threat to them, so the
> secret ribbon traps in your monitor (they're built into every CRT tube
> in the world, don't you know?) haven't had to be activated to "promote
> idealogical neutralization" on you. Promote idealogical neutralization
> (PIN).... that's what they call it.
>
> To avoid being PIN'ed, just make sure that you never do anything to make
> the Marcabs think you're the least bit intelligent or that you could
> ever, remotely, possibly, someday, pose some sort of threat to them, no
> matter how vague or inconsequential.
>
> Because if they ever thought you could, it's a good bet that we'd be
> saying goodbye to you, the "human being who can think, however
> rudimentarily," and hello to the new you, a "I'm a walking, talking
> broccoli plant."
>
> > and I'd like to have all the
> > ammunition I can get to try and dissuade them.
>
> You want some ammunition that won't put you at risk of PIN? That's easy.
> Just call the anti-psychiatry hate group run by the Scientology cult.
> The subunit of the cult which has the propaganda material you're looking
> for is (hilariously) called the Citizens Commission for Human Rights
> (CCHR). In fact, if my guess is correct, you should already be very
> close to an individual who is active within this organization. Start
> spewing their stuff from every rooftop, and it's a sure bet that the
> Marcabs will leave you alone (except perhaps to show video clips of you
> on the very popular TV show, GFV Galaxy's Funniest Videos).
>
> > (I'm a recovering "speed freak"
>
> You took too many Stim Packs? That's why you need medics, fool! Don't
> ever send marines or firebats out on patrol without sending medics
> along. And always hover a science vessel over your marines and medics,
> in case you encounter lurkers. Shit, man, everyone knows that.
>
> > and I know the damage that drugs like that can do.)
>
> Friend, I see that you are psychologically damaged. Any good Marcabian
> psychiatrist will be able to fix you right up. Just go to any
> chiropractor (that's the secret front group for Marcabian psychiatrists)
> and ask for Red Jello. That's very important. Red Jello. Don't forget.
> And don't ask for any other color of Jello. There's no telling what
> might happen...
>
>
> > Thanks!
>
> You're welcome!
>
>
>
> Michael Reuss
> Honorary Kid

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