Having recently left the cult, as many of you read a few weeks ago, I have started to read more of the anti-Scientology literature available. And what have I decided after reading more of this? As far as I can tell, more of teh anti-cult literature is true than any of the pro-scientology propaganda the church ever fed me. About 6 years a go, I read Messiah or Madman. Being very pro-scn at the time, I just dismissed it as crap, but I couldn't ever quite shake the feeling that some of it might be true. Tonight, though, I finshed reading Bare-Faced Messiah. And, I can't help but feel that it what I read is true. Everything that was stated about LRH in that book, I have seen with my own eyes in the church. The paranoia, the utter disregard for truth, the self-aggrandizement, the vicious black PR agianst enemies, the humiliation, the utter disregard for people as anything but pawns, the unstopping thirst for money and power. Whether or not, everything in the book is factual, much of it MUST be true. As the church says, they only follow LRH and if THEY are that screwed up, he must have been as bad or worse. Strangely, though, I still wonder what tidbits of truth are lurking in the subject. I have, after all, seen at least a FEW things that worked. But, I guess that statement right there doesn't do anything to help the case for the church or Hubbard: even charlatans have to show SOME kind of results for people to believe the lies. But, with my own ideas this time, it will be good to read all the stuff I believed without thought before and see how much really makes sense anymore. Even when I was deciding to leave the church, I still thought I was going to follow LRH. At this point, I would be utterly unfaithful to myself to just blindly follow what he wrote. Oh, to be sure, I will search through the materials and find what does seem to work because I know that some of it does, and I still think that much of it can be useful (or be made to be useful), but I see now that just because it has his name on it, doesn't mean that it's right, and it doesn't mean that it was his idea anyway. So, in closing, please accept my apologies for what efforts I made to strengthen scientology while I was a member and thus making this world less of a better place by having been a member.

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