BUSH TO BOMB CLEARWATER?
Rumors abound of an imminent FBI/Delta Force invasion of downtown Clearwater, where a highly armed militant fundamental religious UFO cult has seized control in its 50 year old campaign of *TERROR* against Americans!

This invasion is likely to be preceeded by saturation carpet bombing of downtown clearwater at exactly 2:00 PM on Thursday, when all the fundamentalists will be temporarily dazed and confused by their weekly holy ritual of counting the money and then liberally assigning blame. It is expected that this carpet bombing will help eliminate some of the roaches, and the Lisa McPherson Trust is on the short list of expected Collateral Damage.

All carpets *MUST* by on the street *BEFORE* 02:00 PM!

No evidence has yet surfaced confirming allegations that a victim of recent events is suing $cientology for "giving him the finger" while he was pinned in debris.

Two reprehensiles from the Church of $Pyontology have alleged that "giving him the finger" is a sacred religious ritual that he had consented to by calling out:

"Help! Someone Please Help Me! I'm Over Here!"

Heber Jentzsche did not deny rumors that he had contacted President Bush and offered to consult with him on the TERRORISM issue. Other rumors say he offered terror advice to Osama Bin Laden.
Konchok Penday

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