So you're a German Scientologist. So you spent all the money you owed in taxes to a crime cult instead of paying your taxes. So you borrowed wads of cash and instead of paying taxes, invested in fraudulent cult real estate scams. So you committed a few other crimes while you were at it.

Big deal!

Here's how to get out of it, in America, the land of opportunity for criminals, as long as they're white and European! You might find this surprising, but America doesn't mind about your crimes in Germany.

Germany is, after all, the home of Nazis, and we all know that Nazis hate Scientologists.

So first, you photocopy a bunch of news articles about Scientologists being caught committing crimes, cheating on their taxes, using their positions as teachers to preach cult propaganda, defrauding banks, and going to jail. This proves that Germany is discriminating against your religion! There is a hostile attitude toward crime cults! This shows that you need asylum.

But that's not enough in and of itself. You need a little more, such as actual evidence. That's ok, too, it's easily enough faked. Contact your friendly neigborhood OSA office and they will put you in touch with Scientology lawyers who will be glad to practice the sacred sacrament of Training Routine-Lie. Then find some WISE businesspeople, and ask them to turn you down for a job. Make sure that they write their letters in English. This is because American judges can't read German. Those funny dot things give them a headache.

Don't worry about it seeming odd that a German would write to a German in English. American judges are stupid, they wouldn't notice this. Also don't worry about the companies being listed in the WISE Directory. INS officials are extremely stupid if you're European, they won't bother to check that either.

Once you have your forged documents and news articles, come to America and plead for asylum! They will be glad to grant you asylum and you can kiss that German Nazi tax debt goodbye!

God, er, Ron bless America!

(PS: Don't try this if you're white or non-European, or don't commit crimes or belong to an insane terrorist cult. The INS has a different policy for non-white, non-European, non-terrorist-cultists, which is to lock you up for years to be brutally sodomized by skinheads without a trial.)

ptsc

Go Back