This is a typical day in the life of David Miscavige, warlord of Scientology and despot to fools.

7:00AM -Rises after a night of bad dreams about SPs hidden under his bed. Checks the contents of his safe and counts out the money, gold, jewels and all. Reads Dept. 20 reports while he eats a breakfast of cold clams on ice with coffee. Foaming with rage at the latest outbreakes of picketing against Scientology he orders another dozen Sea Org staffers to the RPF. Yells at his wife for good measure.

8:00AM -Marty comes in to shine Davie's shoes as Mike Rinder does the dishes. Mark Ingbar then rubs Davie down with a towel paying special attention to get his ass try. Mark knows that Davie can't stand a wet ass. Karen Hollander hands him a shirt she just ironed.

9:00AM -general staff meeting that consists of Davie yelling at his underlings. All are made to take sec checks, those that fail are made to hand wash Davie's undershorts which are caked with O/Ws that all dictators keep there. Davie thinks that Marty likes this washing a little too much.

noon: Spends his lunch hour reading the PC folders of Scientologist celebrities and laughing over the naughty things that they have written. Considers them idiots for telling anyone such things and is glad that he never has to write up HIS O/Ws. Mike serves him "Clams Hemet."

1:30PM -Screams at the head of Div. 1 1:45PM -Screams and yells at the head of Div. 2 2:00PM -screams, yells and howls at the head of Div. 3 2:15 PM-screams, yells,howls and curses at the head of Div. 4 2:30PM -screams, yells, howls, curses and foams at the head of Div. 5 2:45PM -Screams, yells, howls, curses, foams and barks at the head of Div. 6. Checks his safe.

3:00PM -screams, yells, howls, curses, foams, barks and has an insane episode when seeing the head of Div. 7. Sends another staffer to the RPF after which he fells better.

4:10PM -takes a baseball bat to a dummy marked "Bob Minton,"

after beating the manaquin to a pulp he decides to eat some fried clams to get his energy back. He then checks his safe.

5:00PM -yells at Marty and slaps him around for being a dolt.

6:00PM -reviews the new list of lies for "Freedom," berates the editors for their lack of imagination and inisists that 8 million Scientologists is too low a number.

7:00PM - Sees the GI for the week worldwide and falls to chewing the carpet for a while. Sends Marty out for Pizza.

8:00PM -evening meeting. Staffers tell him lies about how well things are going for Scientology. Davie, still picking carpet fibers out from between his teeth, is not fooled. He orders a 10% hike in all courses and tells everyone that they have to renew all certs with the RTC at a slight fee. He then checks his safe.

10:00PM -after the staff meeting the WDC is called in to clean the table and take out the garbage.

11:00PM -R & D meeting in which Norman S. and Ray M. decide on the final "Super Power" course pack. Each man picks out paragraphs at random from a barrel of cut up old courses while Karen and Mark glue them together in order. Davie looks on with great approval at the new scam. He know that there is no limit to what OTs will believe in.

12:45AM- after checking the contents of his safe one last time Davie goes to bed. His wife first has to shine a light under the bed to make sure there is no SPs hiding there while Davie cowers under the blanket.

This is considered one of his better days.

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