Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #1 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:10 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 49 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Oat Tea 7 ebohlman@netcom.com (Eric Bohlman) Mon, 31 Jul 1995 04:35:50 GMT [best sung by someone with a lousy singing voice (such as me, but I don't volunteer); think of the _Andy Griffith_ episode where Barney Fife joins the Mayberry choir] I found a plant, I found a tree, I spoke to them, Individually. But as I stood, beside the wall, none of them, returned my call. Then I went to, the County Zoo, to find some life, I could speak too. I sent my thoughts, to a mon-key, he threw a ball, of dung[1] at me. [1] I wouldn't normally use the word "dung" but my internal impression of how the song should be sung involves a musical style in which "shit" would be unlikely to be used. ########################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #2 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:04:58 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 78 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-956.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!news-hog.berkeley.edu!ucberkeley!logbridge.uoregon.edu!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435363 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #2 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:11 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 65 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Everything's Up To Date in Scientology stark@prostar.com Thu, 6 Jul 95 19:21:16 PDT [to the tune of "Everything's up to date in Kansas City", from the musical Oklahoma.] I went into the org on a Friday By Saturday I'd learned a thing or two Cause up to then I didn't have an idea Of what the modern world was coming to I saw some people screaming at ashtrays And some who sat and stared for hours on end Then they all applauded to a dead man's photograph And said "L. Ron Hubbard is man's best friend!" Everything's up to date in Scientology They've gone about as far as they can go They've got their own dictator who's barely 5 feet tall About as high as a dictator ought to grow! Everything's like a dream in Scientology Better than science fiction, don't you know They've even got an e-meter past lives machine For 300 an hour you can see a dandy show! Once I saw an emperor named Xenu Who threw me right into a volcano "Your needle is floating!", said the auditor with zeal It seemed so scientific, and the meter made me feel That everything I fantasized was absolutely real! They've gone about as far as they can go, yes sir! They've gone about as far as they can go. Everything's up to date in Scientology They've gone about as far as they can go They've got a concentration camp they call the RPF They'll lock you in if you should try to blow! You'll run around a pole all day in scorching summer heat Or just run everywhere you go with blisters on your feet And wearing filthy rags your degredation is complete! They've gone about as far as they can go, They've gone about as far as they can go! Stark (btw, thanks to Chris Schafmeister for the phrase "past lives machine") ##################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #3 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:05:45 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 58 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-983.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!newshub2.home.com!newshub2.rdc1.sfba.home.com!news.home.com!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435364 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #3 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:12 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 45 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 AMAZING CLAMS cuthulu@unicomp.net (cuthulu) Fri, 14 Jul 1995 18:53:46 GMT Amazing Clams reproduce by spores somewhat impossibly. But that doesn't stop us from believing What just cannot quite be. Through many implants, snares and facs, our thetans have survived, We bless the day and praise the night, L. Ron first arrived. We keep expanding in the world, we teach children how to read. One point five million strong, our orgs St. Hill size, Soon we'll all be OT. When we've been clear ten thousands years with all of planet Earth, We'll have no more members and no more orgs, than when we first begun. ############################################################################ -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #4 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:06:50 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 121 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-010.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435367 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #4 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:13 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 108 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 You Ain't Nothing But A Boo-Hoo peter@petermc.demon.co.uk (Peter McDermott) Sun, 16 Jul 1995 13:48:32 +0000 You ain t nothing but a Boo-hoo, Cryin all the time, You ain t nothing but a Boo-hoo, Cryin all the time, You ain t never caught a Marcab and you aint no friend of mine. -- Give me one, lots of money, Two, lots of dough, Three, I want more, so give me mo , mo , mo , But don t you, publish my nut-cult s lies, You can do anything, but don t publish my nut-cult lies. Oh you can knock-a me down, Sit on my face, But if you slander Ron s name all over the place, You ll soon find out that if you do, Ah-har honey my cult is gonna sue, So don t you, publish my nut-cult s lies, You can do anything, but don t publish my nut-cult lies. Sign over your house, Sign over your car, Give us all your pennies from the whiskey jar, We need a little more we ve got some lawyers to fight, So it s back to Rice and Beans for dinner to night, And don t you, publish my nut-cult s lies, You can do anything, but don t publish my nut-cult lies. -- He s a liar, he s a drunk, He s Jack Parson s ritual punk, Always shooting junk, But now Ron s got a frozen head. He s a loony, he s a sot, Preferred Kools to smoking pot, Talked a load of rot, But now Ron s got a frozen head. He began his cult based on a bet, It was always a con from the start, Treat them bad, treat them mean, Cause their nut-cult is obscene, Only chasing green, Just to worship a frozen head. -- Oh since Ron Hubbard left me, I ve found a new place to dwell, The federal government pays the bills At Heartbreak Hotel, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely, I could die. I was running the Guardian s Office, I was working hard day and night, When along came L. Ron with another new plan, Called Operation Snow White, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely, I could die. So I called my troops together, And sent them out to rob, While I sat back on the Apollo, Sucking on Hubbards flacid knob, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely, I could die. So when the Feds came calling, The Hubbard it was bare, I said Hey, you can t prove nothing babe, Cause me and Ron weren t there. I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely, I could die. But I took the rap for Ronnie, Who took the cash and ran like hell, Now I m sitting alone in a barry place Called Heartbreak Hotel, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely baby, I feel so lonely, I could die. ####################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #5 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:07:49 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 89 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-036.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435366 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #5 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:15 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 76 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Both Sides (of the GPM) anon-remailer@utopia.hacktic.nl (Anonymous) "The Worm" 2 Aug 1995 05:35:06 +0200 Sung to the tune of Both Sides Now , I think, by Leonard Cohen (Made popular by Joni Mitchell, I think) Warning, this is very churchling. It will be gibberish to most people Blows and flows of ARC From Life Repair to OT3 Wins and spins and GPMs I ve looked at Tech that way But now it s just an endless chain Of engrams sucked from Hubbard s brain Gorilla goals and snapping clams I look at Tech that way. I ve looked at Tech from win and fail From up and down the tonal scale At OT8 I finally saw It s all about the cash After all Hats and stats and VSD From HCO to Treasury Wogs and cogs and Outpoint Counts Yes Admin looked that way But now I m on the RPF I get no food. I get no rest But rice and beans, I can attest Now Admin looks this way I ve seen Admin from up and down From Mission Staff to Sea Org clown Green on white that says it all It s all about the cash After all Good and bad and right and wrong Writing o dubs all night long Goldenrod and A to J Yes ethics looked that way But now it s just a whip they use To break my will, I m Sea Org crew I wish I d left in 82 Please help me get away I m PTS and then SP From Affluence to Enemy Till all that s left is F.T. Skull It s all about the cash After all _v_ ( ) ( @ @) Go way lady! ( _).../ ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) The Worm #################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #6 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:08:40 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 97 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-063.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!howland.erols.net!logbridge.uoregon.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435365 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #6 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:16 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 84 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Up The Bridge anon-remailer@utopia.hacktic.nl (Anonymous) 3 Aug 1995 09:15:14 +0200 (Sung to the tune of Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan) Once upon a time you felt so fine Not a piece of mass in your mind Not a bit Now there s news going round OSA man s in town And you know that you just got to get Out of it You use to not endorse Anybody who was not on Course Now you don t act so tough cause even you don t have enough You sold your car where you gonna get your next meal? How does it feel? How does it feel? To be up the bridge? Still stuck in a ridge? To be on the edge? With all your money regged? The last rundown you had made you feel so bad But you had to attest or you knew they d make you do More of it News is going round that LRH has found The WHY of your case and a new rundown To get you out of it You could always justify Why the prices had to be so high Now you can t tell my why You can t seem to exteriorize And the last sec check you had, I saw, they really made you squeal! How does it feel? How does it feel? To be up the bridge? Still stuck in a ridge? To be on the edge? With all your money regged? They sent you to Qual and Ethics and all You really had was an MU on an HCOB They said you were PTS and they would have to assess A list on you because You disagreed You used to go running scared! From anybody who had been declared! Now you don t seem so alive As your TA is creeping up to 5 I m a free zone auditor, tell you what, you wanna make a deal??? (first question is) How does it feel? How does it feel? To be up the bridge? Still stuck in a ridge? To be on the edge? With all your money regged? ######################################################################## -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #7 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:09:28 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 76 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-090.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!solaris.cc.vt.edu!news.vt.edu!news-out.cwix.com!newsfeed.cwix.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435368 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #7 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:18 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 63 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 In The Sea Org anon-remailer@utopia.hacktic.nl (Anonymous) 9 Aug 1995 08:00:11 +0200 [Sung to the tune of In the Ghetto By Elvis] As the staff awake On a cold and grey ASHO morn Another poor RPFer is born In the Sea Org And his Senior cries Cause if there s one thing that he don t need It s to train another D of P In the Sea Org People don t you understand It s run by The Old Man He bought a Church Bought a yacht He s on the run But he s never caught And as the stats go down And the LRH Comm screams in the halls Get up yer stats or you ll lose yer balls In the Sea Org And the Flag Rep cries Cause if there s one thing that he don t need It s another meal of rice and beans In the Sea Org And one day after session The CO slips away He goes to his room packs it all But his PC folders are Still in Qual And as the stats crash And the FBI in a crackdown raid Collects the tax that ain t been paid By the Sea Org And the Old Man cries And as they cart the staff away Heber comes to save the day In the Sea Org -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #8 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:10:38 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 77 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-119.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!newshub2.home.com!newshub2.rdc1.sfba.home.com!news.home.com!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435369 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #8 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:19 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 64 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 The R/Ser remailer@utopia.hacktic.nl (Anonymous) 9 Aug 1995 10:55:06 +0200 [R/S = RockSlam. E-Meter action that shows the person is in the middle of a huge internal struggle.] Sung to the tune of The Pretender By Jackson Browne I m gonna live inside a van In the back lot of AO LA I m gonna leave my wife and kids And go on Course each day And when the Sea Org comes around I ll bend over and put my face down And when the Old Man wants more bread I ll bend over and spread em again Amen Give it up again Amen I ve been wondering about the changes We waited for Tech to bring Or were those just the dreadful dreams Of our bank accounts emptying? Yes I m aware that L. Ron Hubbard died In the end, he was just like you and I And when the doctor there, pronounced him dead They cut off and froze his head Amen Cut off his head Amen Caught between the loving of tech And a lacking of the legal tender! Everything s in hock, I even sold my stock And my ass is red and tender Where Old Timers, dream of OT While dying of some dread disease And Cadet Org babies sleep on a bed of timber Out into the lobby of AO, strolls the R/Ser He knows Miscavage is a crook, more-er or lesser ############################################################ -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #9 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:11:26 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 96 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-147.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435371 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #9 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:20 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 83 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 LRH IS CALLING tina@tezcat.com (Discord) 8 Aug 1995 23:23:45 -0500 [with apologies to Queensryche] [parody is based on the lyrics to "Revolution Calling" by Queensryche from the album Operation: Mindcrime; Operation: Mindcrime and "Revolution Calling" are both copyright, but this is a parody, so no one cares, right?] My life was full of failures I almost pulled the trigger But then I found a pretty good cause Cuz I heard of L. Ron X The man with the cure Just read his Dianetics You'll see there's something wrong with you Got no love for psych physicians Or those loony bins that you see They're just a money mad bunch Now the time is ripe for changes There's a growing feeling That taking a chance on a new kind of vision is due I used to trust the media To tell me the truth, tell us the truth But now I've seen SPs Everywhere I look Who do you trust when everyone's a crook? CHORUS LRH is calling LRH is calling LRH is calling you LRH is calling LRH is calling Gotta pay for change Gotta audit my engrams all through I was tired of all the psychics They keep selling me on TV Who say they know my life's plan And all the other preachers Talking 'bout their gods Laugh their way home while giving real salvation a pass And all the psychs that want To fry my brain out Drugs and shocks and bad surgery I know LRH is right And for his words I'll fight I'll audit the world and make it a brotherhood I used to think That only drugs could save my life, save my life But now my mind is Clearer and I can see the truth Whaddya mean I should show you some proof? (repeat CHORUS) I used to trust the media To tell me the truth, tell us the truth But now I've seen SPs Everywhere I look Who do you trust when everyone's a crook? (repeat CHORUS) ---- -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #10 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:12:15 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 74 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-148.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435370 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #10 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:21 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 61 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Take The Money And Run nobody@REPLAY.COM (Anonymous) -- Screwtape 15 Aug 1995 23:49:39 +0200 (with apologies to Steve Miller) This here s a story bout Ronnie L. and Mary Sue He was a starving author with nothin better to do Than sit around the house and write bad science fiction Then he made a million bucks startin his own religion Go Ron, take the money and run Go Ron, take the money and run Go Ron, take the money and run Go Ron, take the money and run Then Ron he wrote another book, called History of Man He wrote about the sloth and how we evolved from clams Well down in Australia they got in a great big hassle Meanwhile up in England they bought a great big castle Well, L. Ron Hubbard, you know he got real bored So he bought himself some ships and started the Sea Org They sailed around the ocean, yeah, him and his horde Teachin Scientology and gettin thrown overboard Go Ron, take the money and run Go Ron, take the money and run Go Ron, take the money and run Go Ron, take the money and run Well the FBI came out and grabbed all their E-meters Ronnie L. and Mary Sue thought they were rotten cheaters So Mary Sue and GO started workin for the Feds for a while Yeah, they smuggled out their papers and stole all their files L. Ron Hubbard, whoa, he slipped away Mary Sue got caught by the Feds the very next day Well the judge, he sent her up to the great big slammer Lafayette took the money and run L. Ron took the money and run L. Ron took the money and run L. Ron took the money and run L. Ron took the money and run ################################################################## -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #11 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:13:02 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 83 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-175.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!HSNX.atgi.net!cyclone-sf.pbi.net!165.113.238.17!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435372 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #11 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:22 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 70 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Ron Will Take You Down nobody@REPLAY.COM (Anonymous) -- Screwtape 22 Aug 1995 17:37:05 +0200 [based on "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen] L. Ron takes you down to the Mars implant station You can hear the DC-8s go by On their way to the volcano And you think that he is crazy But you gave him all your money And he feeds you pearls of wisdom That he says he got in China And he says he didn t like it Because there were too many Chinks there Then he gets you in a reverie And he audits out your engrams And you start to feel much clearer And you want to travel with him And you ll be totally free And you think that you can trust him But you won t have enough money for the fee He said, Jesus was a homo And he loved the little children And he had a lousy temper He was not a sainted figure He was just a shade above Clear (As for me, I was the Buddha) But his rumoured crucifixion Was really nothing but a symbol Just an implant done by Xenu Like all his other signs and wonders If he d tried to walk on water He d have sunk beneath the surface like a stone. And you want to travel with him And you want to cross that Bridge But you know that your big problem Is a thousand drugged-out BTs on a ridge Now L. Ron takes your hand And he takes you into Ethics And you wear a dirty rag because You questioned L. Ron s motives And the sun pours down upon you As you run around your tree And the MAA looks down on you And he feeds you rice and beans There are people in the wog world Who are leading normal lives But you re kept from them forever While L. Ron holds your wallet And you want to travel with him And you re going to travel blind And you think that you can trust him Because auditing has fricasseed your mind. ####################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #12 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:14:09 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 106 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-199.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435373 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #12 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:28 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 93 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 When I Was A Girl cluster_user@yale.edu (Dis Bard) 25 Aug 1995 17:05:30 GMT [To be sung to the tune of "When I Was A Lad" (_H.M.S. Pinafore_). Check with your attorney to see if the Bill of Rights still applies.] When I was a girl Mother taught that Jews Had to seek salvation from the Pharaoh s pews. The lesson flowed like milk from her tender breast: Better to be the oppressor than to be oppressed! Chorus: It s better to be the oppressor than to be oppressed! I suckled down that lesson so hungrily, That now I am the lawyer for the R-T-C! Chorus: She suckled down that lesson so hungrily, That now she is the lawyer for the R-T-C! FX: Boom , Boom , Boom , Boom A copyright s like pornography: "I know it when I see it," Cause I m OT-3. I ve got all the sacred documents up on my shelf. (Now I m suing over scriptures I can t see myself!) Chorus: Now she s suing over scriptures she can t see herself! I learned to file lawsuits so blind-i-ly, That now I am the lawyer for the R-T-C! Chorus: She learned to file lawsuits so blind-i-ly, That now she is the lawyer for the R-T-C! FX: Boom , Boom , Boom , Boom For a billion years they have got my soul. (But *I m* counting backwards and *I* keep the scroll!) They dance for the devil, but I call the tune, Till I get a better offer from the Reverend Moon! Chorus: [It had better be a doozie Cause she s high-priced poon!] Woody: Hey! That s a persecutin distortion! Woody. A ho s tricks don t include her lifelong loyalty I ll blow when and where I wish, Cause *I m* the R-T-C! Chorus: [That giant sucking sound is genie-liberty. You should copyright their exit from the R-T-C!] FX: Boom , Boom , Boom , Boom Oh, to trick Fed ral judges is a live-lie sport. That s "lie": like "libel", "lie awake," and "lie in court." Fair Game" they re expanding both near and far, Like our Fourth Amendment right to search and seize-u-r... Chorus: [Please report her methods to the California Bar!] ... mistaken; ho s won t take it horrrrizontally: I m due process, and the lawyer for the R-T-C! Chorus: [Dial 1-800-843-9053 To complain about the lawyer for the R-T-C! Outside of California, though it s not toll-free, Still your dime s for Wollersheim vs. the R-T-C!](*) * 1-213-765-1200. Ask for a complaint package. ############################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #13 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:14:59 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 67 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-229.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!newshub2.home.com!newshub2.rdc1.sfba.home.com!news.home.com!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435374 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: Sp Songs #13 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:30 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 54 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 WAR CLAMS an365982@anon.penet.fi (Dunyazad) Sat, 26 Aug 1995 09:26:19 UTC With apologies to Messrs. Iommi and Osbourne... [based on War Pigs by Black Sabbath] (c. 1995 by Dunyazad, technical advice from ..Hawkeye..; reproduce far and wide with this message intact) Clams are gathered in their masses Try to push their $10K classes Tiny minds that plot destruction Of those who fight L. Ron s construction In the Net the flames are burning L. Ron s lie machine keeps turning Fear of lawsuits to mankind Poison from their brainwashed minds Oh, Lord! Miscavige tries to hide himself away Thought he could start a war Why should he go out to fight? Isn t that what Kobrin s for? Time will tell on their mollusc minds Making war just for fun Treating people just like pawns in chess Wait till the Judgement Day comes Yeah! Now at last the media s learning Of the raids their stomachs churning No more War Clams have the power Usenet s hand has struck the hour Day of Judgement, courts are calling For evidence of War Clams bawling Countersuits the squirrels bring; Xenu, laughing, spreads his...things? -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Song #14 Date: 19 Feb 2002 21:15:51 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 70 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-258.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!logbridge.uoregon.edu!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435375 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Song #14 Date: Fri, 01 Sep 1995 14:41:31 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 57 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1629.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 An Internet Built for You ktwa@gpu2.srv.ualberta.ca (Kevin Twa) 28 Aug 1995 17:40:15 GMT I d like to dedicate this song to Judge Swearinger s dog who according to the Fishman Declaration was drowned by a Scientologist in an effort to manipulate the course of justice. The song is to the tune of Bicycle Built for Two. Kobra, Kobra, give us your answer do, We ll still laughing over your threats to sue, You ve mailed out ho-grams in a barr-age We ve tossed them all in the garb-age But you ll look sweet, upon the seat Of an ethics session that s due. ARSers, ARSers, here is my answer true, I m an OT, with a thought I could kill you, I think that your spamming infringes I ve seen secrets posted in binges But I know who s boss, he s the dwarf at CoS, Chatting to animals in the zoo. Kobra, Kobra, what a strange, exotic view, War on internet, is a barnyard full of poo, Every step is a mis-step How could you be so in-ept? Every word from a clam, yet another damn And you can t cover up Xenu! ARSers, ARSers, I ll raid your houses yet, I ll scare judges with the dangers of the net, Dockets full, let them bog, It s our way or the judge s dog, I ve handled the press, but made a mess, So I ll send off another threat. Kobra, Kobra, look for another job, Something honest, don t work for another mob, You might also consider some therapy, And a rest from all that barratry, Cause a stay in the slammer and you ll look like your gram r So blow while your door has a knob. #################################################################### -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #15 Date: 19 Feb 2002 22:45:42 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 85 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-148.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.gtei.net!nntp.abs.net!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435421 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #15 Date: Mon, 04 Sep 1995 14:47:33 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 72 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1520.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 Scamitology robin.knight@stonebow.otago.ac.nz (Rob Knight) Tue, 5 Sep 1995 00:18:20 +1200 (parody of Sanitarium, from the album Master of Puppets by Metallica). Welcome to where time stands still, No-one leaves and no-one will. RPF never seems to change Just labelled SP and deranged. Dream the same thing every night: I see those thetans in my mind. Bouncing checks, dead credit card, No wonder my account looks scarred. Join my friend and you will see This dream is my reality. They twist my fears into this cage Can't they see it's why my thetans rage? $camitology, Leave me be! $camitology, Just leave me my loan! Built my fear of what's out there And cannot read the newsgroups there. Whisper things into my brain Assuring me that I'm insane. They think our fates are in their hands With criminal and violent plans. Take his cash, he serves us well: He's nearly clear now, can't you tell? Lawyer 'ho to keep us down Milne and Woody, two prize clowns. With OT nous they see it well: Their org is going straight to hell. $camitology, Leave me be! $camitology, Just leave me my loan! Fear of death by 'flu, House-plants getting restless now, Chatter at the zoo, Got some dogs to drown, Mirror stares back hard Libel's such a friendly word. Seems the only way Of reaching out again! -- Rob A Claim, a Clam, a Scam -- Scientology! No SP status due to obnoxious refusal by the 'ho to reply to the copy of the Fishman docs I sent her. Damn. -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #16 Date: 19 Feb 2002 22:46:38 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 101 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-150.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435420 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #16 Date: Mon, 04 Sep 1995 14:47:37 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 88 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1520.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 CLAMS AWAY mr_x@phantom.com () 2 Sep 1995 05:36:07 GMT (to be sung to the tune of The Police's Bombs Away) The writer scratches his noggin and thinks: he hates the sight of his government shrink. The woman looks at the man and laughs. His writing stinks, it's full of gaffes. The writer scratches his belly and thinks: his writing sucks and his royalties stink. postage bills no money until CLAMS AWAY mental decay CLAMS AWAY on old L.A. The writer offers a bet to a friend: religion is the financial End. "I'll bet you five, and make you pay, I'll die a triple-millionaire someday!" The writer takes up a pen and writes, "Psychiatrists don't have anything right. Lunatics: those people are sick." CLAMS AWAY mental decay CLAMS AWAY on old L.A. And now his Church has gone out of control They stored his body underground like a mole. The Church is suing everyone on the Net: What it can't steal, it uses courts to get. The legend of the Church grows and grows the organization always reaps what it sows legal bills, USENet chills. CLAMS AWAY mental decay CLAMS AWAY on old L.A. The lawyer takes up a keyboard and writes "You cult exposers will see the light. I'll help you out, I'll make you see through cancelled messages and barratry!" The Net fought back and the lawyer was tarred. Reputation ruined, he was later disbarred. Truth, you see makes people free. CLAMS AWAY they had their day CLAMS AWAY now they must pay (repeat chorus 6x) Mr X *any resemblance to real or comic-book characters is just a coincidence. This parody is copyright 1995 mr_x and may not be retransmitted without permission. -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #17 Date: 19 Feb 2002 22:47:47 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 111 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-200.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!pln-e!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435422 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #17 Date: Mon, 04 Sep 1995 14:47:38 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 98 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1520.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 When I Was A Girl cluster_user@yale.edu (Dis Bard) 25 Aug 1995 17:05:30 GMT [To be sung to the tune of "When I Was A Lad" (_H.M.S. Pinafore_). Check with your attorney to see if the Bill of Rights still applies.] When I was a girl Mother taught that Jews Had to seek salvation from the Pharaoh s pews. The lesson flowed like milk from her tender breast: Better to be the oppressor than to be oppressed! Chorus: It s better to be the oppressor than to be oppressed! I suckled down that lesson so hungrily, That now I am the lawyer for the R-T-C! Chorus: She suckled down that lesson so hungrily, That now she is the lawyer for the R-T-C! FX: Boom , Boom , Boom , Boom A copyright s like pornography: "I know it when I see it", Cause I m OT-3. I ve got all the sacred documents up on my shelf. (Now I m suing over scriptures I can t see myself!) Chorus: Now she s suing over scriptures she can t see herself! I learned to file lawsuits so blind-i-ly, That now I am the lawyer for the R-T-C! Chorus: She learned to file lawsuits so blind-i-ly, That now she is the lawyer for the R-T-C! FX: Boom , Boom , Boom , Boom For a billion years they have got my soul. (But *I m* counting backwards and *I* keep the scroll!) They dance for the devil, but I call the tune, Till I get a better offer from the Reverend Moon! Chorus: [It had better be a doozie Cause she s high-priced poon!] Woody: Hey! That s a persecutin distortion! Woody. A ho s tricks don t include her lifelong loyalty! I ll blow when and where I wish, Cause *I m* the R-T-C! Chorus: [That giant sucking sound is genie-liberty. You should copyright their exit from the R-T-C!] FX: Boom , Boom , Boom , Boom Oh, to trick Fed ral judges is a live-lie sport. That s "lie": like "libel," "lie awake," and "lie in court." "Fair Game" they re expanding both near and far, Like our Fourth Amendment right to search and seize-u-r... Chorus: [Please report her methods to the California Bar!] ... mistaken; ho s won t take it horrrrizontally: I m due process, and the lawyer for the R-T-C! Chorus: [Dial 1-800-843-9053 To complain about the lawyer for the R-T-C! Outside of California, though it s not toll-free, Still your dime s for Wollersheim vs. the R-T-C!](*) * 1-213-765-1200. Ask for a complaint package. -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #18 Date: 19 Feb 2002 22:48:41 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 170 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-233.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!skynet.be!skynet.be!newsfeed.cwix.com!wn2feed!wn1feed!worldnet.att.net!209.155.233.17!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435429 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #18 Date: Mon, 04 Sep 1995 14:47:35 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 157 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1520.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 How Do You Solve A Problem Like Miscavige? cluster_user@yale.edu (Dis Bard) 30 Aug 1995 20:25:37 GMT [To be sung to the tune of, "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" Check with your attorney to see if telnetting to Switzerland is a "constructive escape" from the U.S. Marsh^H^H^H^H Gestapo.] Scene: A Convent. Sister Mary Sue and Sister Helena are discussing their views on the young cleric Miscavige. Sr. Helena: But Sister Mary Sue, perhaps he should be given another chance? Sr. Mary Sue: I say overboard him. Never liked him. Never visited me in jail. And at least in a *real* prison, they keep you above ground. Sr. Helena: But he so desperately wants to be a member in good standing of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually Clammy! Sr. Mary Sue: Then he should start paying some of our bills. I didn't get into this business to live like a monk! #### Duo: How do you solve a problem like Miscavige? How do you find the Garden since the Fall? How do you find a word that means "Miscavige"? Sr. Mary Sue: A megalomaniac son of a bitch? Sr. Helena: A doll! Duo: Many an hour you know we'd like to bill him, Many accounts could fund our pension plan! Sr. Mary Sue: But how do you make him pay, When all he's got's stashed away? Sr. Helena: How do you do your banking in Iran? Duo: Oh, how do you solve a problem like Miscavige? How do you R2-45 The Man? How do you audit "laundry" from Miscavige? How do you raise _Titanic_ once she's sunk? How do you take the measure of Miscavige? Sr. Mary Sue: A freeloader-debt wasting Bubba Gump shrimp? Sr. Helena: A hunk! Duo: Think of the bills for running Hemet Convent! Think of the bribes we've paid the Pentagon! Sr. Mary Sue: The bonds for our search and seize, Not counting attorney fees! Sr. Helena: Think of the cost to freeze the head of Ron! Duo: Oh, how do you count the cost to keep Miscavige? How do you count the chinks in Chink Taiwan?(*) Background FX: The Famous Whistling [Cut to close-up of the Statue of Liberty, whose face morphs from Sr. Mary Sue to Sr. Helena to Lauren Bacall speaking from "To Have and Have Not": Liberty: If you want me, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you? Just put your lips together, and blow... ...and blow... ...and blow... Repeat & Fade] Duo: Many's the time he thinks he comes from Venus, Many's the time he thinks he comes from Mars, Sr. Mary Sue: And often's the time, you'll find, Napoleon's on his mind! Sr. Helena: Often I play Rasputin to his Czars! Duo: Oh, how do you clothe the Emperor Miscavige? And keep moving slush from his drawers into ours? How do you track the steps of Dave Miscavige? How do you keep the undead signing checks? What do you call the hunt for Dave Miscavige? Sr. Mary Sue: It's paying to masturbate, minus the fun! Sr. Helena: It's sex? Duo: Many a newscast turns away believers, Many a buck for F.A.C.T.Net, CAN and FUSS. Sr. Mary Sue: And how will our purse be strained, Once Paradise is Regained? Sr. Helena: How do you nonconfront a Crosstown Bus? Duo: Oh, how do you call a halt to Dave Miscavige, And, Do unto him before he does to us? And a .... Reprise, from the a.r.s. chorus: Tutti: How did you handle LRH, Miscavige? Which of you two was more completely had? Why don't you sell indulgences, Miscavige? Sr. Mary Sue: I had a Miscavige when I was young once! Sr. Helena: How sad! Tutti: Many a life's been lost to you, Miscavige. Many a soul's been wrecked on your command. Sr. Mary Sue: Perhaps he won't act so deaf, In Government RPF? Sr. Helena: They'll try him in states where Death's not yet been banned! Tutti: Oh, what is the price of human life, Miscavige? What will you do when Satan has you canned? (*) "The trouble with China is there's too many chinks there." --L. Ron Hubbard, Founder -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Reposter Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #19 Date: 19 Feb 2002 22:49:33 -0800 Organization: Newsguy News Service [http://newsguy.com] Lines: 100 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: p-234.newsdawg.com X-Newsreader: Direct Read News 2.91 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!newshub2.home.com!newshub2.rdc1.sfba.home.com!news.home.com!pln-w!spln!dex!extra.newsguy.com!newsp.newsguy.com!drn Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435428 Reposted: From: marina@singnet.com.sg (Marina Chong) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: SP Songs #19 Date: Mon, 04 Sep 1995 14:47:39 GMT Organization: The Knights of Xenu Lines: 87 Reply-To: marina@singnet.com.sg NNTP-Posting-Host: ts900-1520.singnet.com.sg X-Newsreader: Forte Agent .99.82 I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN LEGAL CRIMINAL cluster_user@yale.edu Fri Mar 31 13:41:36 BST 1995 (sung to the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General") I am the legal eagle of the Church of Scientology, For First Amendment purposes that's what's called "a theology"; Of course we don't believe in God--if you do, we don't mind, as such: We'll convert you (and your property) through Operation Midas Touch. I oversee manipulation of the law in Dennis Erlich's case, I practice my beliefs before Judge Whyte by lying to his face. In short, in matters criminal, both overt and subliminal, I sing the songs of L. Ron from his copyrighted hym-n-al. Chorus: In short, in matters criminal, both overt and subliminal, She sings the songs of L. Ron from his copyrighted hym-n-al! By now you've heard our leader sailed a Navy ship and saved the day, At Flag, Sea Org and L.A. we salute and shout "Hip, hip, hooray!" Our records show he seized the reins and ne'er once failed to take them up. And, like the facts in Erlich's case, he ne'er once failed to make them up! The SPs who are PTS the OSA will deal with, The HCOPLs work best to RPF your meal with. Though Grady Ward can say that I am just the 'ho of babble-on'... babble-on... babble-on... Ah yes!: Such acronyms I'd like to wager ten fair games of Scrabble[tm*] on! Chorus: Such acronyms she'd like to wager ten fair games of Scrabble on! Such acronyms she'd like to wager ten fair games of Scrabble on! Such acronyms she'd like to wager ten fair games of Scrabble, Scrabble on! At redefining words I make George Orwell do a double-think, Uncork me and the law's my punch-bowl; I'm Jim Jones's bubble-drink. In short, in matters criminal, both overt and subliminal, I sing the songs of L. Ron from his trade-secreted hym-n-al! Chorus: In short, in matters criminal, both overt and subliminal, She sings the songs of L. Ron from his trade-secreted hym-n-al! Now, let me be perfectly "clear": Our church is not a cult because our church is not a cult because Our church is (nod) occult. Be. Cuss our churchies. Not ack. Old beak nose. Arch urges noted. Culled because hour charge is nada. Gold--be cozy. Cherish Tom, Nicole (big house--ours?). Churlish snotty cold pig hose. How odd it is that "audit" is the term we use for "therapy", The same word from the IRS would set a grizzly bear a-pee. But since we've infiltrated them we are not scared a bit ourselves, When they come to examine us, we'll know how to audit ourselves! Chorus: When they come to examine us, we'll know how to audit ourselves! When they come to examine us, we'll know how to audit ourselves! When they come to examine us, we'll know how to audit, audit ourselves! There's only one remaining law with which we haven't been attacked: The Racketeer-Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. Of course we won't defend ourselves; we'll fire lying flak at them: If Justice files a RICO suit, we'll counterfile one back at them! Though no one is beyond redemption, I am on the road to hell, The money talks. The money talks. The money talks. I know too well. In short, with ethics minimal, from L. Ron's secret hym-n-al, I am the very model of a modern legal criminal! Chorus: In short with ethics minimal, from L. Ron's secret hym-n-al, She is the very model of a modern legal criminal! -- Marina Chong KoX,SP4 marina@singnet.com.sg marina@amazing.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cults+Conspiracies+Scams+Crimes+Clams! What do these add up to? Read alt.religion.scientology and find out! Save the Rev! Support the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund David Dennis' WWW page> http://amazing.com/scientology.html Ron Newman's WWW page> http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/home.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ||||| From: Hartley Patterson Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: Re: SP Songs #19: A modern Scientologist Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2002 21:54:34 -0000 Organization: News from Bree Lines: 62 Message-ID: References: NNTP-Posting-Host: modem-3770.buffalo.dialup.pol.co.uk X-Trace: news5.svr.pol.co.uk 1014242074 26125 217.134.78.186 (20 Feb 2002 21:54:34 GMT) NNTP-Posting-Date: 20 Feb 2002 21:54:34 GMT X-Complaints-To: abuse@theplanet.net X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.30 Path: news2.lightlink.com!news.lightlink.com!nntp-out.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!newsfeed.esat.net!diablo.theplanet.net!news.theplanet.net!not-for-mail Xref: news2.lightlink.com alt.religion.scientology:1435609 Reposter: > I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN LEGAL CRIMINAL > cluster_user@yale.edu > Fri Mar 31 13:41:36 BST 1995 > > (sung to the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern > Major-General") I thought the following version, sung to the same tune, was better. Unlike many such it works when you try to sing it! The original was poking fun at Sir Garnet Wolseley, 19th century reformer of the British army. I'm surprised no one's had a crack at G&S's other great patter song, the Mikado's 'Let the Punishment Fit the Crime'. Presumably it would feature Ron naming all his enemies and thinking up suitable fates for them. Any offers? A Modern Scientologist I am the very model of a modern Scientologist; our founder, L. Ron Hubbard, proudly scorned the word "psychologist". He founded first a science with no base experimental, then he made it a religion, free from taxes governmental. He mesmerized his followers with treatments Dianetical (and called a few "fair game" when their beliefs became heretical) and long beyond the day his mortal form had turned to humus, he still published a new novel every Saturday, posthumously. The Church provides, along with teaching recondite tenebrities, a golden opportunity to hobnob with celebrities: Travolta, Alley, Cruise, and other Hollywood apologists: I am the very model of a modern Scientologist. (chorus: He is the very model of a modern Scientologist!) I am the very model of a modern Scientologist. My legal killer instinct would befit a criminologist. When my religion's threatened I assail its foes extensively (and force Suppressive Persons to defend themselves expensively). I sue on cue for libel, seeking damages juridical, no matter if the statements are mendacious or veridical and when I would intimidate my enemies litigiously I vest myself in stately robes of copyright, religiously. The secrets of my faith I guard with reverence fanatical from eyes that haven't paid to learn, at daily rates piratical, the gnosis of a mystical sectarian technologist: I am the very model of a modern Scientologist. (chorus: He is the very model of a modern Scientologist!) There's thirty other verses I could sing without compunction, But I'm not allowed to do it 'cause I'm under an injunction. (chorus: There's thirty other verses he could sing without compunction, but he's not allowed to do it 'cause he's under an injunction!) -- "I think of my beautiful city in flames" http://www.newsfrombree.co.uk A medieval spreadsheet, enturbulating entheta and how to outrun Thread. PGP ID 0xC27CDDDC