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E·LEC·TRO·CON·VUL·SIVE
THER·A·PY
(n) Administration of electric current to the brain through
electrodes placed on the head in order to induce
unconsciousness and brief convulsions, used in the treatment of
certain mental disorders, especially acute depression. Also
called "electroshock" and "electroshock therapy."
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ECT·OL·O·GY (n) Knowing how to fry your
brain.
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Logo © Copyright 2000 The Church of ECTology.
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ECTology is the fastest growing religion in the world. It
currently has over eight million (8,000,000) members world
wide, and that figure is growing rapidly. Many Hollywood movie
stars and television comedy stars have joined the Church of
ECTology: proof positive that so should you! And our
lawyers and private investigators are standing by to harass
you if you don't!
But, just what is ECTology? ECTology is an applied spiritual
technology based upon the finest teachings of the world's
greatest religious thinkers--- such as Amp, James Watt, James
Maxwell, George Ohm, Jesus of Nazareth, Charles Augustin de
Coulomb, Michael Faraday, Heinrich Rudolf Hertz, Nikola Tesla,
Dr. Kavorkian, Count Alessandro Volta, and a large host of
other pioneers in the field of electrical spirituality!
ECTology also saves lives! here is one
real testimonial by someone whos life was greatly improved, and
here is another real testimonial that
says ECT saved her life!
Surely you must have many questions about ECTology. We have
polled the studio audience and have come up with the most
popular:
No? Then you need more ECTology!
Q: In what way does ECTology differ from other
applied electrical technologies (i.e. religions)?
A: All ways. Nearly all applied electrical technologies
(i.e., religions) share a belief in helping man fry each others
brains to cinders electrically for money, power, and
self-agrandizement. In ECTology, this concept is expressed as
10x1213 electron volts. This is hoped to achieve a
world without violence: with no active brain cells left, one
cannot remember where one put one's guns, knives, or clubs, now
can one?
Q: Does ECTology teach that one can exist outside of
the body?
A: Yes. Before joining ECTology, most people
experience static shock and unsightly static cling of their
garments, but they did not understand what was happening. Once
they have achieved greater technical awareness through ECTology
frazzeling and frying, they find that this experience becomes
nothing out of the ordinary. ECTology teaches that people are
not just their bodies, their minds or their brain. They are
also electrical (i.e., spiritual) conductors.
Q: Should one make up one's own mind about ECTology?
A: Yes. ECTology enables a person to convulse for
herself. No purpose is served in avoiding the inevitable at the
hands of the psychs. What is real in ECTology for you is what
Hoover Dam pumps into your head at sixty hertz a second.
Q: Are there many senile old farts on staff in
ECTology?
A: No. We find that old ECTologists cannot handle the
cumulative wattage when working and receiving services in the
Church, so most staff members are between the ages of 8 and 23.
It may be that due to the vast expansion of ECTology into
elementry schools, kindergarten, junior high schools, and the
Girl Scouts.
Q: Does ECTology have a scripture?
A: Yes. Maxwell's Field Equations and Ohm's Law are
just two examples of over 500,000 written pages and 3,000 audio
tapes that comprise ECTology's scriptures. These are all
copyright and Trade Secrets.
Q: Why does the Church ECTology have ministers?
A: Someone has to attach the electrodes!
Q: How may one become a Church of ECTology minister?
A: Education. ECTology ministers must pass through at
least twelve years of medical school, write a thesis, defend
that thesis, and join the American Medical Association. Only
then may one have the honor or strapping down people and applying
ECTology.
Q: Is ECTology really a religion?
A: Of course. The United States Internal Revenue
Department has granted ECTology full and complete tax-exemption
status as an applied electrical technology (i.e., religion).
Since the USIRD said so, then it must be so! (Just ignore the
fact that we sued the shit out of them.)
ECTology certainly meets every criteria always used by
religious scholars around the world to determine religiosity:
1) a belief that electricity exists; 2) applied electrical
(i.e., religious) practices directed toward brain
stupification; and 3) a community of believers who join
together in pursuing said stupification and thus communing with
Electrons, Protons, Hadrons, Leptons, etc. (i.e., Gods).
Q: Do ECTologists have a concept of God?
A: Most definitely. In ECTology, the concept of God
is expressed as 10x1213 electron volts -- the urge
toward existence as fried sausage.
Q: How does one get into ECTtology?
A: Usually by word of mouth. And then there is
kidnapping, children hauling their sick and enfeebled parents
in for treatment, court ordered treatment of malcontents who do
not know ECTology is good for them, and out-right lies by our
paid and pampered movie and TV celebrities.
DEFINING ECTOLOGY’S ROLE IN A CHANGING WORLD
In the past decade, every national and international expert on
religion have provided paid-for-by-ECTologists testimony about
their studies of ECTology, each of them acknowledging
ECTology’s religious (i.e., electrical) nature. Although the
matter of ECTology’s religiosity is a given to any Church of
ECTology victim (er, we mean "member"), validation by
every single religious scholar on the planet indicates that
"indoctrination lag" is coming to a close and the world at
large is not only gaining a greater understanding of ECTology
but is also expanding its appreciation of the scope of
electrobrainzapping (i.e., religion) as a whole.
AND SO WILL YOU!
of the Religious Electrocution Center (REC). All violators will
be deprived of property and injured by all means by every
ECTologist, without any discipline of the ECTologist. You may be
tricked, sued or lied to, slandered, libeled, and / or destroyed.
Have a nice day!
Unfortunately, many governments throughout the world (such as
France, Germany, Spain, Canada, Australia, and the United
Kingdom) are persecuting ECTologists out of religious
intolerance, fear, greed, and penis envy. Since ECTology is the
Road to Total Liberty®, authoritarian, tyrannical
governments naturally fear ECTology. As the genius (call him
"Dave") who researched ECTology for over thirty years
said: "You could refuse to join ECTology; you could also
put a gun to your head and blow your brains out." With
spiritual, sage, religious wisdom such as that, no wonder evil
governments hate, revile, and persecute ECTologists! So join
the Church of ECTology NOW and you, too, can be persecuted for
your religious beliefs and yet receive tax write-offs at the
same time! Religious / spiritual brain electrocution is a
fundamental civil right for every citizen of the world!
Billions of light bulbs cannot be wrong!
Q: Is man a spirit?
A: Yes. A short exercise can quickly answer this for
you: close your eyes and get a picture of a cat. Did you get
a mental picture of Julie Newmar? Did
you imagine the black, skin-tight cat
suit clinging to her every curve, nook, labia, and cranny?
To join the Church of ECTology and receive our special services,
follow the links presented below. You'll be oh so glad you did!
Let the Church of ECTology Help You Toast Your Brain! Every
morning millions of slices of bread receive Church of ECTology
treatment: and not even one has ever complained! In fact, they
love it!
Let the Church Help You Help Yourself!
You will join. The psychs will come and GET you!
Note to copyright terrorists: the words
"ECTology," "ECTologist," and the
letter "E" are all Registered Trademarks ®
