The Church of ECTology Scientology

ECTology is the fastest growing religion in the world. It currently has over eight million (8,000,000) members world wide, and that figure is growing rapidly. Many Hollywood movie stars and television comedy stars have joined the Church of ECTology: proof positive that so should you! And our lawyers and private investigators are standing by to harass you if you don't!

GET WIRED UP; PLUGGED IN; STRAPPED DOWN!
Billions of light bulbs cannot be wrong!

Unfortunately, many governments throughout the world (such as France, Germany, Spain, Canada, Australia, and the United Kingdom) are persecuting ECTologists out of religious intolerance, fear, greed, and penis envy. Since ECTology is the Road to Total Liberty®, authoritarian, tyrannical governments naturally fear ECTology. As the genius (call him "Dave") who researched ECTology for over thirty years said: "You could refuse to join ECTology; you could also put a gun to your head and blow your brains out." With spiritual, sage, religious wisdom such as that, no wonder evil governments hate, revile, and persecute ECTologists! So join the Church of ECTology NOW and you, too, can be persecuted for your religious beliefs and yet receive tax write-offs at the same time! Religious / spiritual brain electrocution is a fundamental civil right for every citizen of the world!

But, just what is ECTology? ECTology is an applied spiritual technology based upon the finest teachings of the world's greatest religious thinkers--- such as Amp, James Watt, James Maxwell, George Ohm, Jesus of Nazareth, Charles Augustin de Coulomb, Michael Faraday, Heinrich Rudolf Hertz, Nikola Tesla, Dr. Kavorkian, Count Alessandro Volta, and a large host of other pioneers in the field of electrical spirituality!

ECTology also saves lives! here is one real testimonial by someone whos life was greatly improved, and here is another real testimonial that says ECT saved her life!

Surely you must have many questions about ECTology. We have polled the studio audience and have come up with the most popular:

Q: Is man a spirit? A: Yes. A short exercise can quickly answer this for you: close your eyes and get a picture of a cat. Did you get a mental picture of Julie Newmar? Did you imagine the black, skin-tight cat suit clinging to her every curve, nook, labia, and cranny?

No? Then you need more ECTology!

Q: In what way does ECTology differ from other applied electrical technologies (i.e. religions)? A: All ways. Nearly all applied electrical technologies (i.e., religions) share a belief in helping man fry each others brains to cinders electrically for money, power, and self-agrandizement. In ECTology, this concept is expressed as 10x1213 electron volts. This is hoped to achieve a world without violence: with no active brain cells left, one cannot remember where one put one's guns, knives, or clubs, now can one?

Q: Does ECTology teach that one can exist outside of the body?

A: Yes. Before joining ECTology, most people experience static shock and unsightly static cling of their garments, but they did not understand what was happening. Once they have achieved greater technical awareness through ECTology frazzeling and frying, they find that this experience becomes nothing out of the ordinary. ECTology teaches that people are not just their bodies, their minds or their brain. They are also electrical (i.e., spiritual) conductors.

Q: Should one make up one's own mind about ECTology?

A: Yes. ECTology enables a person to convulse for herself. No purpose is served in avoiding the inevitable at the hands of the psychs. What is real in ECTology for you is what Hoover Dam pumps into your head at sixty hertz a second.

Q: Are there many senile old farts on staff in ECTology?

A: No. We find that old ECTologists cannot handle the cumulative wattage when working and receiving services in the Church, so most staff members are between the ages of 8 and 23.

It may be that due to the vast expansion of ECTology into elementry schools, kindergarten, junior high schools, and the Girl Scouts.

Q: Does ECTology have a scripture?

A: Yes. Maxwell's Field Equations and Ohm's Law are just two examples of over 500,000 written pages and 3,000 audio tapes that comprise ECTology's scriptures. These are all copyright and Trade Secrets.

Q: Why does the Church ECTology have ministers?

A: Someone has to attach the electrodes!

Q: How may one become a Church of ECTology minister?

A: Education. ECTology ministers must pass through at least twelve years of medical school, write a thesis, defend that thesis, and join the American Medical Association. Only then may one have the honor or strapping down people and applying ECTology.

Q: Is ECTology really a religion?

A: Of course. The United States Internal Revenue Department has granted ECTology full and complete tax-exemption status as an applied electrical technology (i.e., religion).

Since the USIRD said so, then it must be so! (Just ignore the fact that we sued the shit out of them.)

ECTology certainly meets every criteria always used by religious scholars around the world to determine religiosity:

1) a belief that electricity exists; 2) applied electrical (i.e., religious) practices directed toward brain stupification; and 3) a community of believers who join together in pursuing said stupification and thus communing with Electrons, Protons, Hadrons, Leptons, etc. (i.e., Gods).

Q: Do ECTologists have a concept of God?

A: Most definitely. In ECTology, the concept of God is expressed as 10x1213 electron volts -- the urge toward existence as fried sausage.

Q: How does one get into ECTtology?

A: Usually by word of mouth. And then there is kidnapping, children hauling their sick and enfeebled parents in for treatment, court ordered treatment of malcontents who do not know ECTology is good for them, and out-right lies by our paid and pampered movie and TV celebrities.

To join the Church of ECTology and receive our special services, follow the links presented below. You'll be oh so glad you did!

  • http://www.psych.helsinki.fi/~janne/asdfaq/index.html
  • http://chandra.astro.indiana.edu/bipolar/spirit.html
  • http://ge.com/
  • http://uhs.bsd.uchicago.edu/~bhsiung/mental.html
  • http://mentalhelp.net/disorders/sx7.htm
    ECTOLOGY: A WAY OF ELECTRICALLY (I.E., SPIRITUALLY) ERADICATING SELF- IDENTIFICATION.

    DEFINING ECTOLOGY’S ROLE IN A CHANGING WORLD In the past decade, every national and international expert on religion have provided paid-for-by-ECTologists testimony about their studies of ECTology, each of them acknowledging ECTology’s religious (i.e., electrical) nature. Although the matter of ECTology’s religiosity is a given to any Church of ECTology victim (er, we mean "member"), validation by every single religious scholar on the planet indicates that "indoctrination lag" is coming to a close and the world at large is not only gaining a greater understanding of ECTology but is also expanding its appreciation of the scope of electrobrainzapping (i.e., religion) as a whole.

    If it's good enough for bread, it's good enough for your head!
    Let the Church of ECTology Help You Toast Your Brain! Every morning millions of slices of bread receive Church of ECTology treatment: and not even one has ever complained! In fact, they love it!

    AND SO WILL YOU!

    Let the Church Help You Help Yourself!

    You will join. The psychs will come and GET you!

    PROZAC IS GOOD FOR YOU! Note to copyright terrorists: the words "ECTology," "ECTologist," and the letter "E" are all Registered Trademarks ®

    of the Religious Electrocution Center (REC). All violators will be deprived of property and injured by all means by every ECTologist, without any discipline of the ECTologist. You may be tricked, sued or lied to, slandered, libeled, and / or destroyed.

    Have a nice day!