On Wed, 12 Jul 2000 15:55:05 -0400, "ptsc" <ptsc@my-deja.com> wrote:

>"Kaeli" <kaeli@klis.com> wrote:
>> When did Garry rat to OSA? After he left the CoS? I'm confused as to time
>> frame here, please explain. I'm still a relative newbie here in comparison.
>Here's Garry's own explanation of his various flip-flops:
>From: Garry Scarff
>Subject: The Real Garry Scarff
>
>I want to thank the people whom have e-mailed me over the last few days and
>expressed their love and concern, if not exasperation, over the derisive
>posts on ARS that have been made about me and I have made about others, in
>kind. It has, indeed, gotten out of hand and I share the blame for it's
>occurrences. I regret it and I apologize and it will not happen again. I
>know that I have made promises before and in time, you will know that this
>time, I am serious.
>
>I have not decided whether to leave ARS and post constructively or leave ARS
>and try to put the whole Scientology ordeal behind me. I do recognize many
>things about myself and others on ARS.
>
>First, real recovery whether it be from AIDS, alcoholism, drug addiction or
>cultic involvement, gives a person the chance to tell the truth about who
>they are, the whole story, everything that brought them to where they are
>today. For many of us, being honest about our childhoods and adulthoods is a
>painful and new experience, and not one that I have considered. But I'm
>gradually realizing that when we get honest with ourselves, do we begin to
>see the patterns, the behaviors, and situations that keep repeating
>themselves in our relationships, jobs, illnesses, accidents, etc. Honesty,
>IMHO, helps us to break the patterns, learn the lessons, bless and curse the
>past, and let it go. I, regretfully, have not been able to let it go.
>
>As a product of an abusive and neglected childhood, who was always reminded
>as a small child by an alcoholic parent that I was a loser, an unwanted
>child and would get nowhere in life, and another parent who walked out on
>the family, I sought love, affection, affirmation and compliment from
>whomever gave it to me as a child, as an adult, as a member of CAN, as an
>operative for the Church of Scientology, and to the present.
>
>Dennis Erlich and Priscilla Coates have often referred to my using the
>Jonestown Tragedy as a tool to draw attention to myself. They are absolutely
>correct. That did happen, at a time I was experiencing family problems and
>conflicted feelings about Scientology have visited the Mission of Davis and
>meeting some very nice people, and those whom opposed it, confusing to me
>because I had relatively no knowledge of either. So troubled that my college
>grades dropped and I was suspended for 6 months from college for receiving
>one credit out of the required 12 for the term. The Unification Church
>(Moonies) was hot news back then, and it interested me somewhat, until one
>of it's front groups, CARP appeared on campus to recruit and I was intrigued
>and attended their meetings. Later, I read about the parents of two Moonies
>in a book by a former Moonie, that they lived in Portland and I contacted
>them. I invited them to my college to talk about their references to the
>Moonies as a "destructive cult". They later invited me to their counseling
>center, the Positive Action Center, and we eventually drew close to one
>another. I came to see Anne Greek as a source of encouragement, love and
>affection, things I never received from my own mother. By coincidence, I
>later signed up for Kung Fu lessons at the only school of it's kind in
>Portland at the time, ignoring the fact that it was owned and operated by a
>devout Scientologist, and warnings by the Greeks to stay away.
>
>My sessions at the Academy were enjoyable until several days later, Fred
>King called me at home and asked me to drop by the Academy to see him. I
>did. Mr. King ordered me into his office and accused me of spying for the
>Greeks and denounced them as enemies of Scientology. Having come to enjoy
>the attention I received from Mr. King, to see him like a big brother, I
>denied that I was a spy but would do anything to stay in the academy as I
>had no other friends. That day I signed my first declaration handed to me by
>a member of the Guardians Office, that was in such a hurry for me to sign
>egged on by Fred King's warnings that if I didn't sign, I couldn't come back
>to his Academy, I signed the declaration. This started my long "flip-flop"
>association with Scientologists and critics of Scientology.
>
>Striving to gain the friendship of both Fred King and the Greeks, I played
>to the whims of both parties. In Fred King, I saw a big brother that I could
>enjoy time with and in Anne Greek and her husband Adrian (a co-founder of
>the CFF which later became CAN) I saw as parents-of-sorts. I became
>emotionally & mentally involved with both individuals. I was aware that the
>Greeks had an ongoing support group at the Center for ex-cult members and
>their families. My Scientology friends encouraged me to go, but because I
>had not been a member of a cult, I would not have been admitted. My
>Scientology friends said to invent one and it was suggested to me that I use
>the Peoples Temple because it was the news event of the decade during that
>period. I was given a plethora of books, media articles and 2 videos if I
>recall on the Peoples Temple tragedy to train me for my "role" as an ex-cult
>member, visited Anne Greek one day at the Center, told her about my cultic
>experience, sobbed about losing my father, and was so convincing to her that
>not only did she invite me to the support group, but I accompanied her on
>public presentations. I was told by my Scientology friends that the Greeks
>would never learn the truth because the congregation of the Peoples Temple
>killed themselves and there were bodies that could not be identified. My
>public "testimonies", later to become the subject of international media
>articles, and TV and radio interviews, was a cycle of deceit out of control.
>But, I was willing to do it if it meant have the love & affection of both
>the Greeks and my Scientology friends.
>
>To my being a Scientologist, Dennis Erlich and others are correct if that I
>have not been a Scientologist in comparison to him, the Youngs or Gerry
>Armstrong. I was persuaded to sell personal items to take a few courses, was
>given free assists regularly at the org following a bad car accident and in
>return agreed to hand out personality tests and direct people to the testing
>center on Salmon Street, and became involved in the life of the Mission of
>Davis and the org and enjoying their friendships despite the directives
>given to me to spy on the Greeks. Later, I was induced to sign a mission
>staff contract by John Carmicheal, but because I was so involved in college,
>and did not look forward to another suspension, I faltered on the contract.
>But, I remained steadfast in my alliance with Scientology, which looking
>back puzzled me because (1) I was "friends" with Scientology, yet going to
>cult education forums with the Greeks and trashing Scientology, and (2) I
>was "friends" with the Greeks warming up to them, spending the holidays at
>their home and even being invited as "a special friend" by Anne Greek to
>accompany them to Canada for the purposes of kidnapping their daughter from
>the Moonies and bringing her back home to the US, and relaying the
>information back to my Scientology friends. I accompanied the Greeks and
>another deprogrammer, Diane Benscoter, to Canada, but the effort was
>unsuccessful. The Greeks found out much later that I had a hand in this
>failure. After passing on information to the CofS, I was the one responsible
>for having Diane (then a fugitive with a Colorado warrant out for her)
>arrested providing the Denver and Portland Police with her home address
>(Anne Greek paid her bail out of jail). The sexual incident involving
>deprogrammer Bob Brandybury did occur though Anne Greek begged me not to
>report it as a crime because they entrusted Brandyberry as the one that
>would eventually get their daughter out of the Moonies.
>
>As more and more of the public became interested in my "former Peoples
>Temple" story, I was compelled to melodramatize the extent of my trauma in
>the Temple. My story was headline news in the Milwaukee Journal (which the
>CofS now uses as one of it's DA pack items conveniently excusing themselves
>from any involvement because they are a church) during a CAN Conference
>there, I was paid to address a college forum in Milwaukee, and was paid by
>CAN to speak at the Milwaukee Conference (my picture appearing in the
>following month's CAN newsletter), my story was published in the
>Congressional Record after deceiving former CAN President Patricia Ryan into
>believing my story, spoke on National Radio, was the subject of magazine
>articles and even wrote a chapter in a book published by the sister of cult
>leader Jim Jones' nurse. Following the conference, the Greeks, whom grew
>suspicious of me asked me to document for them statements I had made about
>my Peoples Temple experience. I was becoming unraveled and my Scientology
>allies weren't much help in alleviating my tensions. But, the Greeks
>permitted me to remain a member of the Positive Action Center (not knowing
>at the time that they and the CAN Board had hired a private investigator to
>initiate an investigation on me). I offered to help Anne Greek do the
>illustrations for a book she was publishing on "Cults". My Scientology
>contact gave me a cute picture of a bear sitting under a tree with a book in
>it's hands, to suggest to Anne to illustrate her book. Anne loved it and
>paid for the printing of several hundred books with "my" illustration. A
>week or so later, I received a very angry telephone call from Anne demanding
>to know where I got the illustration of the bear from, as towards the
>completion of the final printing of the books, someone in Scientology
>informed the actual artist that the Greeks were violating copyright laws by
>publishing the picture without the author's consent, and the author
>threatened to sue Anne Greek. This Scientology-Scarff conspiracy cost the
>Greeks thousands of dollars in books that had to be discarded. Shortly
>thereafter, I received a letter from Anne Greek that I was no longer welcome
>at the Center or in CAN. Cynthia Kisser advised me that the CAN Board
>decided to end my association with CAN when their private investigator
>learned I was never in the Peoples Temple. I was not allowed to attend the
>CAN Conference that was held months later in Portland (and was strongly
>advised by my Scientology friends to go anyway and make a big scene) which I
>did not do saying that I had the flu.
>
>Later, with the direct assistance of the Portland/OSA Director and Director
>of OSA Int., I participated in a number of operations against the Greeks and
>CAN.
>
>I later joined forces with OSA in Los Angeles after meeting Eugene Ingram
>and a host of other higher-ups in Scientology, leaving in 1991 when ordered
>to kill two people. My participation in Scientology ended; however the
>influence they had over me didn't.
>
>As one compulsively reaching out for affection, attention and
>acknowledgement that I am a worthwhile person, I strived to do what was
>right and just after leaving Scientology, but missed and regretted in some
>ways, my back on my friends in Scientology. I grew to love Sue Taylor, David
>Butterworth and others, not realizing at the time that I was simply being
>used as an instrument of their jobs. That habit has carried on to this day.
>In my heart, I want to believe Mike Rinder and my other "friends" in
>Scientology are human, have a good heart, and can be reformed, and it has
>been this misguided belief that has kept me under Scientology's influence.
>This was made very clear in role in the German documentary. I was not crying
>out of fear of Scientology; I cried because I offended Mike Rinder, was very
>confused with his request to help him to know the plans of the German film
>crew, I cooperated with him, and then he turned on me reporting me to
>Egmont. I was hurt, confused and as Egmont could attest if he was here, I
>was wanting to leave the area with Joe Neal where I was prepared to
>surrender myself to him. In my heart, I have, I guess, fantasized Mike
>Rinder as the father I never had. As misguided as I may be, I loved and
>looked up to Mike Rinder. It was however, Joe Neal, that I called at OSA
>regarding the German crew's plans, not Mike Rinder whom I was told had gone
>home. Three hours later, Mike Rinder called Egmont & informed him of my
>call.
>
>My notariety as an "ex-Scientologist" and "expert witness" in court cases
>gradually faded as did my contacts with Lawrence Wollersheim, Vaughn Young
>and Graham Berry. No longer having them in my corner, I reached out again to
>Scientology.
>
>Two years ago, Jeff Jacobsen invited me to be a part of his picket group in
>Clearwater. I also met Rod Keller there who informed me that there was some
>concerns that I was a Scientology spy and he was not going to share any
>information with me. I blew him off saying I didn't need his information. We
>picketed, later Jeff made an accusation against me that the Tampa Tribune
>reporter covering the picket, Pam Waldrip, observed me leaving the area and
>talking to OSA member Joe Neal. Later, Rod Keller posted that he had called
>Cheryl in Tampa & that she was angry that Jeff posted this observation, as
>it never happened. THE FACTS: Jeff was correct in his suspicions. I was in
>comm with Joe Neal and others at FLAG about the activities at the motel. Pam
>Waldrip was present when I left the picket with Joe Neal and spoke to him in
>private behind a building, accompanied by Sea Org guards, providing them
>information, doing all I could to win Mike Rinder's approval and respect.
>OSA photographers, in fact, had filmed the altercation I had with the lady
>Scientologist who hit my face with her sign. Mike Rinder decided to make it
>a non-issue. I later approached Mike and begged him to talk to me. He was
>angry that I had turned on Scientology and testified in the Fishman-Geertz
>and CAN cases causing CofS alot of heartache. After some small talk, Mike
>told me to write him a letter and he would help me with anything that I
>asked.
>
>Following the picket, when I left the Howard Johnson's motel, I met Joe Neal
>and a private investigator down the road who showed me films of the picket
>and I identified the picketers for him.
>
>I later had conversations with Elliot Abelson telling him that I would do
>anything to gain back Mike Rinder's respect & friendship. This led to my
>secret meeting with Elliot, Mike, Ken Long and another Scientologist
>assigned to "handle" me during a meeting in Los Angeles, which even my own
>attorney Graham Berry was not informed about. I signed 5-6 declarations (the
>5 smaller ones developed from 1 extensive one) for Mike Rinder. I informed
>him of my contacts, meetings and conversations between the Clearwater Police
>and the German film crew. Later, after Graham Berry denounced me on ARS as a
>traitor, I called him, we spoke and I agreed to provide him with a sworn
>declaration as long as I was able to write it myself versus signing one
>written by him. He agreed.
>
>During the December 1997 picket, I had some contact with Scientology which
>has already been addressed on the net. I found Brian Anderson to be a real
>dweeb and wanted nothing to do with him though we talked briefly several
>times and he was happy that I intending to carry a picket signing denouncing
>Dennis Erlich at the McPherson Vigil. After a meeting with Birgitta Dagnell,
>I dropped the idea. Before the Saturday picket, I was walking down Cleveland
>to a store to get a Coke when I saw Mike Rinder standing outside the
>Cleveland Building talking to Sue Taylor. I approached Mike, informed him
>that I was going to crash the Press Conference and denounce Dennis Erlich.
>Mike and I shared small talk about my HIV, my wanting to move to LA and he
>ended our conversation with a long bear hug. He was aware that I was
>intending to picket but was not bothered by it. He said "If life is so
>boring for you in Orlando that you have to come to picket in Clearwater,
>that is OK. You'll come back to us someday, Garry". I attended the Press
>Conference and the rest has been documented on ARS.
>
>I've had no further communication with Mike Rinder or Joe Neal since then. I
>met a very nice gentleman in Clearwater who stuck up for me at the Press
>Conference and offered to help me. He fulfilled that promise without any
>strings attached.
>
>With this letter, I have no desire or intention of rehashing or worrying
>about a past that has caused me great torment. Our worries carry alot of
>power. If I believe there's nothing to be done except wait and worry, I'll
>spend all my time thinking about the future and miss the present. By living
>in the present, we see choices to make that can make life better for us
>right now. The more energy we put into living in the present, into
>life-affirming and for me, immune-enhancing behaviors, the more healthy we
>become.
>
>If some people on ARS want to hold a grudge against me or disparage me, I
>will ignore them and look to those that support me in positive action whom
>are also determined to live in the present. I am working on stepping out of
>a victim role and walking into an active state of taking personal
>responsibility, free of anyone's malevolent influence. Here's hoping that I
>can do that....
It's "clear" that Garry can't "do that". Next shore-story, please.

Groeten, Boudewijn.

I am going to do my damndest to walk a different path (recognizing I am human, am susceptible to change, and have been times a foul-mouthed, obnoxious, and insulting punk on this NG.) Admittedly, I have a temper, can be viciously moody, and lending to a well-worn label here, a dysfunctional "flip-flopper".

Admittedly, I have hurt several people, particularly Beverly (who certainly did not deserve it, but anger and pain can really fuck with a person's brain), and Gerry Armstrong, but any remedies with individuals will be handled via e-mail, in person, or via the telephone. Several critics on ARS have made it very clear that any attempts to be sincere or to change for the positive, will be twisted and used as ammunition to attack and deliberately hurt.

I will no longer use this newsgroup as anything but a forum to educate, nor will I respond to questions which can clearly be answered with available documentation and transcripts which have been mirrored in any number of anti-Scientology websites.

On the other hand, if anyone that presents themselves as sincere, and not acting out of divisiveness, I will try to answer their question, recognizing that a few will aggressively seek to use that information against me, or will add their own soundbite to it, but those are consequences that I won't waste my time responding to. Actions speak louder than words, and lying there within, are the fruits which have damaged the integrity of this newsgroup.

I can say one thing though that is quite obvious. ARS is increasingly being ignored by government officials and media reps who often lurked here for information, because of the gossipy and flaming nature of many posts. It has always striked me as very odd though, how the Scientology administration and the members assigned to "handle" ARS continually react and bicker about the existence of this NG.

Hopefully, the small cadre of critics who actually do some good here will continue to do so.

Here's to trying....

Garry Scarff

It was treacherous and despicable of me to reveal your innermost personal and private conversations, particularly with regards to your friendship with Gerry. Gerry, obviously, is still quite angry for the deeds I performed against him on behalf of Scientology, and I was quite angry with his continual posts of allegations which were unfounded. It certainly has not helped that the issues have been paraded around, misinterpreted, and flamed about on ARS, particularly by those critics you consider your friends, and I do not. In that sense, I felt very betrayed and often wondered how much of our relationship and conversations you were sharing with others.

Of course, the onus of that belief and paranoia falls on me.

I want you to know that I am very sorry, that I love you and I do wish you well. I recall the struggle since Dave's unfortunate passing to the present, and what you have gained is far more than I have gained.

If ever ~you~ want to talk, you have my phone number. I will not use ARS as a forum to do that though. If there is anything I can ever do for you, you have my number.

Garry Scarff

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