Subject: To the maddening tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," of course
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Chorus Grandma got signed up by body-routers Walking home from our house Christmas Day You can say that looney cult's religious But as for me and Grandpa, "ain't no way"

She'd been thinking none-too-clearly And we begged her not to sign But she'd forgone her medication And she fell for L. Ron Hubbard's bullshit line.

When we found her two days later, Saw the evil in their plans From the glazed look in her eyeballs To the nickel-plated soup-cans in her hands Chorus: Grandma got signed up by body-routers...

Now we're all so proud of Grandpa He's been takin' this so well See him surfin' for entheta Makin' signs and spreadin' Xenu's name to hell It's not New Year's without Grandma Disconnection hurts like heck Though we just can't help but wonder Who that guy is cashing Grandma's pension check Chorus: Grandma got signed up by body-routers...

Now the private eyes are on us And those DA flyers hurt And a shifty-looking cultist Has been goin' through our trash in search of dirt I've warned all my friends and neighbors "Better find out for yourself"

They shouldn't grant no tax exemption To that cult that takes its orders from an elf.

Chorus: Grandma got signed up by body-routers...

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