Tory/Magoo wrote:

> Fear not woggo....it's a short ride, and then you're there. The worst are
> the winds...but I'm sending along a Earth-to-Venus wind shield for you, and
> it's painted with purple stripes so if 'anyone' sees it...they'll know it's
> you from the ARSCC>>>> :)
>
> Tory/Magoo~happy YOU are going and not me !
> ARSCC Party/Dancin and Relationship Co-ordinator

Regarding the new ARSCC job title: Does this mean you're the one who makes sure really short people aren't dancing with really tall people, thus preventing injuries?

Thanks for the wind-shield. Um, I hope it doesn't matter if I already put my friends' band stickers and 'Steve Albini For President' stickers on it;

they should scrape right off...

Now then, about Helena Kobrin's hair:

HELENA'S HAIR HYPOTHESES ------------------------------------------------

1) A bit of the Tech that everyone has missed up to this point: Using conditioner is a suppressive action. Don't do it!

2) Back in the 1950s, the 'bad girls' who had beehive hairdos were rumored to hide knives and zip guns in 'em. While Helena's hair isn't quite that immobile, it is a sufficiently large mass to stash box-cutter blades, ten or twelve Dexamils, and an X-10 Spy Camera. (Y'know their banner ads where the camera's panning around a room? Her footage, man. You're seeing the inside of Arnie Lerma's living room.)

3) At one point, she was RPF'ed at the Fort Harrison. In order to stay warm at night, she took to sleeping in an industrial-size clothes dryer that housekeeping services uses. Then one day she overslept, went through an entire 'warm fluff' cycle, and her hair has been like that ever since.

4) She's actually bald. Her poodle 'Fluffy' has been trained to perch on her head for hours at a time.

5) She goes to the same hairdresser that did Valerie Hobson's hair in the movie 'Bride of Frankestein'. Unfortunately, the woman is now well into her nineties, with arthritis and poor vision.

6) Yeah, it doesn't look so great now... But when she's done, she is going to have the most killer white-girl dreadlocks ever seen!

7) Since money is short, she routinely molds a wig out of dryer lint.

8) Advice: when getting ready for a Hallowe'en party, and putting on a 'Wicked Witch' wig, make sure the tube of adhesive says 'spirit gum' and not 'epoxy'.

9) More advice: when receiving auditing in Europe, and using an American-made E-meter, bring a converter... They're on 220 AC over there.

(Can in the left hand, can in the right hand, circuit completed:

ZZZZAAAAPP!)

10) Her husband is turned on by moldy, gray shag carpeting.

Woggo
ARSCC Caterer and Activities Director
-----------------------------------------------------------
Video Games! Clam Juggling!
Insulting Pictures of Scientology
Cult Leaders! Visit.....
http://rumble.at/woggos-arcade

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