PRIVATE EYE
March 7, 1986

IN MEMORIAM

L. RON NEASDEN

"Best Selling Author - Founder of Signheretology Freind to Millions of Dollars"

"In the history of human thought, certain figures stand out for the richness of their wisdom. L. Ron was one of the richest of all."

Dr R.L.F. Zuberman

"Light peace and universal karma to you all. L. Ron has passed into the clouds of unknowing where the Self is Unself and the mind is as unmind and all that sort of thing. L. Ron may have melted from the earth like snow, but, one thing lives on. His money. Please send cheque to address below."

The marharishi Veririshi, The Cayman Islands

"Light, peace and all the same sort of thing as from the other one with the beard. You've got to hand it to L. Ron - when it comes to pulling the wool over the eyes he was in a class of his own. I only wish I had a piece of his action.'

The Bhagwash Rujrish
Somewhere in India
(Address withheld on request)

"Hurro R. Lon was one of the most enlightened figures in the history of finance. He unravelled the mysteries of 'the tax system'. He was wise, he was smart, he did not get caught."

Rev. Sun Yat Loon,
Al Catraz

"I owe everything to L. Ron. Before that I owed it to the Inland Revenue." Spiggy Topes, Leader of the Turds (a popular singing group)

"I was just a small time banker - but then L. Ron Neasden walked in the door and put his account on deposit. I can remember it still as he stood there. A Colossus amongst in- vestors. I said to myself `Herman J. Hicklegruber,' your life will never be the same again'."

Herman J. Hicklegruber
President, Ist Bank of Hickelgruber
California

"Life is both river and mountain, forest and sea. To know life is to be part of life. Give me your cheque immediately. "

-" These words written by the at greatest genius who ever lived. L. Ron Neasden, totally encapsulate the whole message that L. Ron was trying to put across to mankind.

No one ever has achieved as much as Ron in the whole history of human existence. Astronaut, brain surgeon, Nobel Prizewinning biodynamicist, philosopher, painter, statesman, travelling salesman, charlatan, truck driver, leopardskin accessories - you name it and he did it better than any manhad ever done before him.

To his billions of followers in, every corner of the globe he is the man to whom they sent their cheques every week.

It is hard to know where to begin in trying to sum up this mega-colossus who bestrode' the worlds of science and religion, moulding them into the unique synthesis that he called Diabetics

It was in the summer of 1954 that L. Ron Neasden first exploded onto the world stage with his first major best-selling work of philosophy How I Solved the Riddle of the Universe on $5 a Day.

It was an instant No. l smash best-seller. From then on Ron continued to write a book every week for the rest of his life - 257,000 of them - each one a complete masterpiece.

But writing books was just a sideline to this extraordinary multi-faceted super-human millionaire.

His real love was money and he made more of it than any other religious teacher in the history of the world.

His message he put across to his millions of followers was simple:

"Renounce all your material possessions", he said, "and give them to me."

If you would like to know more about L. Ron Neasden and his Church of Sign-here-ology, just give us a ring on 580-3601 and a team 6f highly-trained `disciples' will come round to assist you in your quest to reach what the Eastern sages called "the State of Complete Bankruptcy".

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