New Times LA
March 8, 2001
BEST PLACE TO DUMP A BODY
Angeles National Forest
In the San Gabriel Mountains, north of LA
The L.A. County coroner's office has a saying that if it ever rains hard enough, the Angeles National Forest will have so many bodies floating around its peaks that it will look like a surfers' convention. And truly, each week it seems that the decomposed remains of some poor schmuck or schmuckette are discovered by hikers or campers out to enjoy the vast scenic beauty of the forest's 643,656 acres.

Dense vegetation, profuse wildlife, the Castaic Lake reservoir, and the rugged San Gabriel Mountains all combine to make this a serial murderer's paradise.

But you don't have to be as prolific as Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacy to utilize the natural resources of this, one of the oldest national forests in the nation.

Say you want to cap someone's ass? Sure, you could steal a car, stick the stiff in the trunk, and abandon it in some cracker neighborhood in the Valley. But that's so gauche, not to mention a health hazard. (Pee-yew!) Instead, drive up the 5 Freeway to Castaic, drive deep into the bush, and dump the bastard. After about a month, the animals, birds, and insects will have picked the body clean and strewn the bones so far and wide, the cops'll never figure out who it is, much less who offed him. Think of it as recycling.

Plus, it's nice up there, and you can camp out a day or two and drink some brews while you look for that perfect dumping spot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OK, Mr. Miscavige, don't get any ideas!!

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