STATE DROPS CHARGES IN PRINCE MARIJUANA CASE
Special to the Suppressive Person Times
Clearwater, FLA.
May 25, 2001
- by Earl Camembert

The State today dropped all charges in connection with Lisa McPherson Trust Vice-President Jesse Prince, following a short trial which ended in a hung jury. Controversy surrounded this trial, during which it was alleged that the Church of Scientology had set out to discredit Prince before he could testify at a wrongful-death suit brought against the Church by the estate of Lisa McPherson.

During the trial it was alleged that the Church had hired private investigators to follow Prince around constantly to attempt to catch him doing something illegal. The defense alleged that the Church had a great desire to ensure that Prince was found guilty of something, and may have encouraged the P.I's to frame or entrap Prince.

Church spokesperson Sheldon Anonymous said " I simply cannot understand how they could think that. Other than finding them, hiring them, paying them, promising to reward them if they discovered something juicy and threatening to R2-45 them if they found nothing, we had almost no involvement with them at all.

These were simply good citizens being paid handsomely for caring enough about their community to discover the crimes of a man we hate passionately."

"You should note that the jury almost convicted Prince of this heinous offence.

So he's almost a convicted criminal. The good citizens of Clearwater, who honk and wave in support of the Church during every hate-filled picket by the LMT, will no doubt recognize him for the shady character he is."

This reporter attempted to question why, if Prince is such a shady character, he was promoted to such important duties with the Church during his involvement there.

" That's simply not true. He was a janitor or something. Oh, sure, we printed a lot of stuff in official Church publications saying he was vice-president of this or chairman of that, but that's just marketing. You know, like how they're always saying that household products are new and improved when all they do is change the boxes. Besides, he hates the Church and supports psychiatry. How could we trust someone that hates the Church and supports psychiatry?"

Sheldon was asked if this represented a setback regarding the upcoming McPherson suit.

" Of course not. We still maintain that the whole thing was the fault of Bob Minton and his paid critics anyway. If they'd just left us alone, none of this would have happened. But no, Minton had to go and stuff his nose in and interfere with our religion. Did I mention the interfering with a religion is a hate crime in California? And speaking of hate crimes in California, Minton's an accessory to Keith Henson's flight from justice there, did you know that?

So, he's going to get his probation revoked and go to jail, so even if Prince isn't actually a criminal yet, his boss is which is the same thing, practically."

Unfortunately, at this point my recorder became too full of spittle to continue operating, so I decided to return to the office and file what I had. On the way, a nice lady named Tory offered me a free cream soda.

Thanks!