The What Is Scientology? Exhibition returned to London this week, after rave reviews last time. I took the time to pay WIS 2000 a visit.

WIS was managed to pass me by this year, until I happened to see it was running on Friday. It has been hopping locations along Oxford Street (main shopping street in the west end) - first at the Selfridge Hotel, then the Cumberland Hotel, and finally back to its original location. The reasons for this are obscure -it might be related to the fact the Cumberland is a better venue, but at the extreme end of Oxford Street, which is only busy at the weekend.

Anyway, I happened to pop in to the Cumberland on Saturday. The exhibition was hauntingly familiar, by which I mean that they had simply dusted off the boards from the previous year. It was located in a basement hall which allowed enough space for two beds, no less. What these were for reamins a mystery. Scientologists lined the (narrrow) pavements outside, tempting innocent shoppers with their wares. And - surprisingly - people were going in. Not a huge number, but enough to outnumber the attending staff. Never underestimate the power of the word 'free'. Having peered around I left, intending to return next week.

Today I arranged to meet Richard Ford (a former Scientologist) for a prolonged visit, this time at Selfridge's. Walking up Oxford Street I looked out for 'The Jive Aces', Scientology's popular music combo, who wowed the public last year. They hadn't been around on Saturday, but - oh joy - there they were. Alas, some cruel street trader had set up a stall in front of them, robbing their adoring fans of space to 'jive', or even a decent view, but they rocked the shoppers with 'Blue Moon'. 'The Damnation Navy Band' (as some wags have dubbed them) played a stirring set of the 'big band' style, which may just win hearts - were it were not 50 years out of date (curiously fitting for Scientology). They also showed some satorial elegance, clad in trench coats - a nod to the dark clouds above, but also, I fancy, to Peter Falk's Columbo.

I moved on to meet Richard, and we entered the building. The exibition was uninspiring - a rather partial view (IMO) of Scientology, concentrating on there 'religious beliefs' and 'good deeds' (Narconon?

Criminon? - seems to shout 'we actively recruit felons and addicts'). Tales of torture, fraud, and espionage would make for a much better show. There were very few non-scientologists in evidence - and (like last year) you cannot convince me that genuine non-scienologists would voluntarily watch a video of Hubbard (as two were), unless they had some interest in authodentics.

Richard engaged one Scientologist in a lively discussion of the tech, while I quietly wandered - pausing to 'See a Thought', which was disapointing (my dictionary neglects to mention that 'thoughts' are twitches in a needle when somebody pinches you). After a couple of minutes a lady asked whether I knew much about Scientology. I mumbled something about seeing OT III on the internet (blank look) before noticing a couple of suits lurking behind me. I turned to find an unpleasant little man looking up my nose. I neatly side-stepped him, to read a booklet on Scientology and Islam. Then he told me to leave.

"Why?" "Just leave - we don't want you in here" "Er - Why?" "Leave"

Richard turned up. I pointed out that it was a public exhibition, and since I hadn't done anything he was being - dare I say - a triffle unfair.

"It isn't public - you need an invitation."

"We have" said Richard, neatly producing two invites (they were being distributed on the street outside) "Who are you?" "Just a person who came to see the exhibition" "You aren't people" - cheers, I'll pack my bag for the SP concentration camp now, then.

He told a goon to get hotel security. Richard later said he felt quite scared, but - dammit - I'd done nothing wrong, just read some fairly dreadful exhibits. If anyone had a complaint it was me.

Finally I decided that nothing would be gained by this, so we left (Richard distributed his number freely, on little cards with "www.xenu.net" as we left). Outside we saw two guys who had been distributing leaflets. They were probably homeless, so I asked how they got the job - some guy just asked them - and how much they were getting paid - didn't know (they won't be retiring on it, I'll wager). Curious that Scientology are employing 'degraded beings'. Then another goon hassled me - "Who are you?" etc.

All in all a crap exhibition, and stunningly paranoid scientologists (been a long time since I've seen them get so mad). I might go back tomorrow :-) The exhibition continues around the UK until September (details posted on Friday - or see WIR).

Shellac

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