MAKE.RELIGION.FAST

Dear Friends,

My name is L. Donald Blubbard. In September 1951, my Blubbard Research Institute went bankrupt, I sold the rights to my Scriptures to some kooky oil man and collectors were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was peeved off enough to move to Phoenix, Arizona so my income checks wouldn't run out. The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was my ego and my pawned typewriter. This January 1989 my thetan went on a ten day cruise to the center of the Milky Way. I bought a Lexus from the SubGenii for CASH in Feburary [sic, its misspelled in the original -- honest!] 1989.

I am current running a major religious center on the West Cost of Florida, with a private pool, boat slip, and beautiful view of the bay from my numerous hotels. I will never have to work again. Today I am rich! I have earned over $100 million to date and will be come a billionaire within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This money making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn $50,000.000 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave your ranch, except to go to your mailbox or telex room.

In May 1948, I recieved a letter in the mail telling me how I could earn $50,000.00 dollars or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my typewriter. It's funny though, when you are desparate, backed into a corner, tired of ritual sex magick, and hyped up on phenobarbitol, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustrating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind with a bottle of rum, and a bottle of gin. All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams. I realized that with the power of the gulliable, I could expand and enhance this money making formula into the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created. I wrote down in a short article some lunatic ravings and sent them on to some easily impressed friends of mine. By May 1950 I had published a book full of meaningless utter drivel and I had convinced people to pay for for simple pablum. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instructions below.

Your dreams will come true.

Sincerely yours,

L. Don Blubbard

INSTRUCTIONS

Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have received well over $50,000.00 cash, all yours. This program has remained successful because of the HONESTY and ETHICS of the participants. Please continue its success by carefully ADHERING TO THE INSTRUCTIONS.

Welcome to the world of Religion. This little business is a little different than most others. Your product is not solid and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the business of making up drivel. Many gullible people will turn over their life savings just for writing 10 million words.

You see, friends, claiming your new business is a religion has certain advantages over just starting, oh say for instance, an illegal Panza scheme.

The IRS won't hassle you for all that lovely money, money, money. Plus, you garner sympathy if people attack you (claim it's persecution); and in most countries you gain some form of governmental protection against interference.

Remember to follow these instructions EXACTLY:

1) IMMEDIATELY sit down and start writing about anything. Consider especially any kind of lunatic fringe ravings that might be rattling around in your head. Especially choice areas would include mollusk biology, space opera and famous anthropological hoaxes. Another good way to write your 'Scripture' is to blantanty plagarize earlier obscure works and then claim that you, yourself wrote them. Its easy; its fun; and its fast. You'll be well on your way from rags to riches just by visiting your local library and stealing ideas from people more intelligent than you are personally!!

2) Demand ABSOLUTE and TOTAL subjugation to your new religion. Trademark and copyright everything! Make sure that other people can't profit from your hard work. If you find out any one is making fun of your new religion, or if you have chosen to try and claim a scientific basis, people begin to poke holes in your 'Scripture,' document it and then harass, harass, harass.

Become barratous. This will assure you of good public relations and the respect of your neighbors.

3) Later, if you have the time, institute an in-house prison system for people who might try to leave your religion. Make sure to design a system of debriefing so you can make sure that you have any dirt on them if they actually do escape somehow.

4) Become a famous recluse. Live on a 150 acre ranch and refuse to see anyone for four years. Continue to send out more and more "religious" stuff to keep those big checks rolling in.

5) Regularly purge out loyal members from the upper echelons. This way you have a good turn over rate for the young Turks who are starting out at the bottom. Make sure to harass the former members as much as possible before giving up on them.

The following letters were written by participating members in this program:

To Whom it May Concern:

About six months ago, I received the enclosed post in letter form. I ignored it. I recieved about five more of the same letter within the next two weeks. I ignored them also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and dreamed of making thousands, but I was convinced it was just another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was wrong! I didn't expect much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as I, they wouldn't be too quick to part with Five Dollars. But, I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing to show for it but ticket stubs. This week, I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I sat down, wrote 10 chapters and mailed them out. Two weeks went by and I didn't recieve anything but hate mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened. I can't say I recieved $50,000.00, but it was definately well over $35,000! For the first time in ten years, I got out of debt. It was great. I now regularly recieve checks in excess of $500,000.00 due to number of 'missions' which I've set up to skim profits on. L. Ron, you're the greatest.

P.S. Pass this letter on, with the above so we can really convince people that this program works!

D.M.
Poodle Bay, B.C.

This message is explicitly released to the public domain.

--
mallen@nwu.edu -- (KoX since 1995) -- PGP public key on key-servers
"Not only is the statement false, it is doubly false because it compares its
own falsehood against another falsehood." Rick Sherwood, (noodle@netcom.com)
on a.r.scientology. Come and join! Find out about the evil clam engrams!

-- Posted from
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