The LRH Birthday Event was held on Friday, March 21, 2003 at Flag (the Ruth Eckert Hall) and then held again on Saturday, Mar 22 2003 in the outer orgs of the US and Canada.

The theme around this event was "Help" and how great it is to help others and how the C of S needs your help in Clearing the Planet. It seems the best way to help is to join staff or the Sea Org and if not, then the second best thing is to be on the Bridge as much as possible, preferably, full time.

For those of you not familiar with the LRH Birthday Event, I will tell you that it is ~always~ held at Flag. However the local Scientology public is larger than what Flag can accommodate so it is held at the Ruth Eckert Hall. Usually there are more Scientologists attending the Birthday Event than Ruth Eckert Hall can hold so the overflow of people go to the Fort Harrison Auditorium and watch the live show on a video feed.

Flag also will set up screens in their restaurants if there is overflow in the Auditorium. The LRH Birthday event is always well attended.

At this point let me drool a bit say "Clam, Clam, Clam! I don't want some of the Ex's to think I am giving Scientology good PR by telling the truth and reporting that the event was well attended. The Clam thing should handle that and comply with standard ars activist policy on slurring Scientologists at the same time.

Back to the report.

The event is held at Flag on Friday night and then is sent via Satellite to the local orgs in order for the event to be held the next night. The event seen at the local orgs or at the Shrine in LA is always a video of the event. It is no longer a live satellite feed.

Some orgs own there own satellite and others have to use the services of a satellite company to get the event. The reason it is not live, is because they want to be able to edit it before everyone sees it.

The C of S continues to use the pompous Jeff Pomerantz' voice to open the event. Thankfully he was not seen in the front row of the Event with his obnoxious white scarf and tux. Instead the front row was filled with Senior Exec Staff and the big money spenders.

All the big money people get to sit up front at an event. This is the case in local orgs as well. Patrons of the IAS, per policy get to sit in the first few rows. The more money you gave to the IAS, the closer to the front row you get.

First and always to appear on the outrageously ornate stage is DM.

The stage has is gold and gaudy with Gold columns, gold dais, huge gold replica's of the Birthday Game winners cup and the a photo of LRH that has to be 40 to 50 feet tall, by 12 feet wide. A standard look for a Scientology event that reeks of "we are very rich but have bad taste".

Honestly, it is gaudy and ostentatious and appears to be decorated by someone fantasizing that they are speaking as a Roman Emperor to the masses.

DM arrives to a standing ovation and is wearing the same tux that he has been wearing for over a year.

Will the OSA guy that reads this please let DM know that it is time for a new tux. Styles change from year to year and he is falling out of step with the latest fashion.

DM starts talking about all war and giving his take on it. To tell you the truth DM started talking and my mind wandered. I had no interest in listening to his opinion. I have no idea what he said. I know it had to do with some evil conspiracy somewhere but I was watching his face and the lines on his face and not listening to the content of his speech. But then all of a sudden his voice changed and he started "preaching". He was sort of doing this imitation of a bible thumping black minister. You know, a shtick similar to Jesse Jackson and then all of a sudden he came to a stop and in a normal voice said ... "and so I welcome you to the 2003 LRH Birthday event" and the crowd went wild with cheers. It was really weird.

I felt like I was in the twilight zone at that point and was wondering what the hell had just happened and then promised myself to start paying attention.

DM then introduced the LRH Biographer Dan Sherman. Dan is a strange dude. He was wearing his tux, which was fine, but his hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed. I kept focusing on his weird hairdo and wondering what the hell was going on that he looked so unkempt. And I think I've mentioned this before but Dan speaks like a damn queen. He is very effeminate.

Dan tittered on and on and on about LRH for about an hour. I felt like I was doing an amends project just sitting through it and listening to it.

Dan's gig was to show us video taped interviews of non Scientologists that knew and had some dealing with LRH and what a fucking superior human being LRH really was.

The first video was of a man who attended George University with LRH.

The man had to be in his 90's and he spoke about LRH and what a great guy he was and some of the fun things they did together, including learning how to put on a turban.

The rest of the videos were similar in nature. There was one of Edd Charitier (SP??) who was an illustrator for many of LRH's early Sci Fi works, a man who was a crew member of the ship the 895 that LRH commanded, the gardener at Saint Hill Manor and a black man from South Africa, who held the "Houseboy" job when LRH lived there. The all gave video testimonials to what an absolutely fucking fabulous guy LRH really was.

Next up was Mark Yager

Mark was wearing his tux with a dark purple blow tie. He was going on and on and on and on about the "unprecedented expansion" and then all of a sudden all these tech stat graphs started appearing on the screen and stayed up on the screen for a grand total of 2 seconds. There was no way anyone could actually read them or see what the numbers on them were. But per Mark each and every one of the Scientology tech stats - All 40 of them, were in Affluence and Highest Evers.

Did I expect him to say anything less than that? No.

We get to see a video presentation of the brand new Tampa Org. I have to admit it was very nicely done, if you like that early attic look.

I just had to chuckle while watching this video and I happen to know that Tampa org had an awful time getting their new building renovated and moved. Why? Because of the 6,000 Scientologists that live in the Tampa area (12,000 if Ben Shaw is counting) only a handful showed up to help reno and moved the org. The renos had to e extended and the move delayed due to lack of help.

Next we have a very special announcement. We have a new Class V Org formed. Yes. the largest mission in the world was turned into a Class V org for LRH's birthday. Any guesses? Well we now have a Church of Scientology of Athens! That's Greece not Georgia, son!

The ED of the Athens Org gets a standing Ovation as he walks from the audience to the stage while the Golden Era Musicians play Greek Music It's done in the same way that Oscar winners are filmed walking down the aisle to the stage while the appropriate theme song is played for them.

OK, so the ED of Athens org is a stone cold indoc'd type and promises that "I'll be back" soon to collect his Saint Hill Size Award.

Next up and the favorite part for everyone is the Announcement of the LRH Birthday Game Award.

If you are a Scientologist in good standing and are on service then you are involved in playing the LRH Birthday game. Everyone wants to know who won.

There are several categories of winners

Winner of the Mission Birthday game:

Third place: Kansas City (Kirstie Alley's Mission)

Second place: A mission in the Ukraine. There is no way I can remember the name of that town.

First Place and Winner of the Mission Birthday Game: Cercedilla, Spain

As always the Mission holder goes to the stage to be given his award by two very pretty Sea Org girls dressed like vestal virgins. On his approach to the stage they play some kind of Spanish music and then one virgin hands him the winners cup and the other hands him the jockey shirt (don't ask). Then all 4 of them (the winner, the two virgins and ED Int. pose for the cameras for 15 seconds or so and then each virgin gives the winner a peck on the cheek and off they go stage left.

Now it should be noted that if the winner is a woman the vestal virgins DO NOT kiss her on the check. NO Way! Instead they blow kisses out to the audience. It is just one of the really hokey things that Scientology does and it's actually a tradition.

Class V Orgs:

Third place: Verona, Italy Second place: St. Petersburg, Russia Winner: Milano, Italy.

The ED of Milano Org made her way to the stage accompanied by music that sounded like it belonged on the Godfather soundtrack. The ED was a woman, 45ish, dyed auburn hair, not bad looking but she had really rotten teeth. She seemed like a pretty tough babe and she informed the crowd that Italy will be the first Clear country.

Sea Org Orgs:

Third Place: ASHO Day Second Place: AO Europe First Place: Celebrity Center Int.

Both the Commanding Officer of CCInt and the President of CC Int accepted the award. Each gave a short speech, and thanked LRH at which point everyone stands and applauds.

The winners always thank LRH and everyone always stands and applauds at this. That is standard event tech.

CLO's or Continental Liaison Offices. These are Sea Org offices that manage the Class V Orgs and additionally have continental offices of OSA, ABLE, WISE, SMI etc.

Third Place: Latam (Latin America) Second Place: WUS (Western United States} First Place: Europe. - This is two years in a row!

The Commanding Officer of the CLO EU, I believe his name is Kotric, got his cup, jockey shirt and kisses and then spoke with a heavy German (??) accent. He did not seem like he would be any fun to work with.

Next was the big moment when we got to find out if any orgs went Saint Hill size. The C of S has had quite a few dry years there due to the fact that NO org went Saint Hill size. There was some grumbling and now at each event there is the expectation that one or more org went Saint Hill size.

Well one did. It was the C of S of Moscow, Russia. A rather extensive video was shown of all the Moscow staff and public. The voice over was done by the ever obnoxious Jeff Pomerantz, who was throwing around stats and numbers so fast that there was no way anyone could keep track of what he was saying. But in the video it sure looked like a very busy org.

Does the ARSCC (wdne) have any Moscow reps that could check this out?

The handsome 30ish ED of the Moscow Org, a definite hunka hunka burning love spoke about his plans for the future expansion of Moscow.

The event wrapped up with DM showing us some of the newly purchased Scientology properties. The first one was in Buffalo, New York. The C of S purchased an old Library right in downtown.

Then DM showed us the newly purchased "historic Landmark" that was purchased in San Francisco. Per DM, the C of S purchased the original Trans America Building which is right across the street from the current pyramid shaped Trans America building.

DM asked the crowd, who in this society is the leader in cultural changes in music, fashion, and something else that I can't remember.

Pause, Pause, The answer per DM is Black America. So with this in mind, the C of S purchased a building on 125 Street in Harlem, New York.

We are told there are a dozen or so orgs that are very, very close to becoming Saint Hill size.

OK now for the final pitch of the night. Help, help, help us bring about a world without war..... blah blah blah. Help us by joining staff or the Sea Org now.

This is true.

-- Cerridwen

"Critical thinking demands we question the unproven, not that we meekly accept it." Diane Richardson

To avoid Kooks and just get the News on Scientology go to: http://www.scientologywatch.org

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