Friday, July 14, 2000 News from Westside in the Times Community Newspapers Soothing the savage caller A sampling of hold music and how it reflects the character of Westside businesses By TED SHAFFREY Perhaps half of all phone calls a person makes these days will be answered not by another person, but a machine.

So the music that plays when someone is put on hold can largely shape your perception of who you're calling.

And the music of most phone hold systems, calls to several phone companies has confirmed, are programmed by the individual business. So it's by design that when you call a bank and are put on hold, the calming, downbeat, lyric-free music is intended to settle down those who might be upset about an overdraft fee or two. It was 17th century English comic dramatist William Congreve who put it best:

"Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak."

Other Westside vocations specially tailor their music to their target audience.

The Writers Guild of America on La Brea Avenue, for example, aims for a sophisticated, writerly type of hold music.

"I don't know, let me put you on hold for a second," said the receptionist.

The first hold tune is Johann Strauss' "Blue Danube Waltz" and the second is Antonio Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons." "We thought a radio station was too tacky," said Bart Astor, of Writers Guild operations. "The classical music is soothing."

Beverly Hills City Hall has a similar philosophy. When put on hold, a quartet of violins will play ad infinitum. To set the mood over at the Spy Tech Agency in West Hollywood, the James Bond theme song plays while one waits for information on surveillance equipment and the like.

"People comment on it quite a bit," said employee Raquelle Jason. "I don't think it makes people buy more, they're not like 'love the music, give me two of those telerecorders now instead of just one,' but everyone thinks it's very fitting."

Other Westside institutions have exactly the hold music you'd expect: At MTV in Santa Monica, you'll hear whatever's playing on the station at that time; while at the Mormon Temple on Santa Monica Boulevard in Westwood you'll hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Over at the Hollywood headquarters of the Church of Scientology on Sunset Boulevard the hold music is composed and performed by church members, according to a church representative. Sounding like a new-age commercial jingle, compositions include Scientology-inspired lyrics like, "The right place to be, is to be, if you want to be in pain, let others into your brain."

When you're put on hold over at 20th Century Fox studios, a mechanized voice informs you: "We hope you enjoy listening to a sample of Fox music," before music from the movie "Titan A.E."

pipes into your ear canals for at least a brief run. And although it's never as satisfying as reaching a real, breathing human being, at least the increasingly mechanical nature of our phone communication has a personality--even if it's an affectation.

According to Yolanda an saleswoman at Pacific Bell, who was reached after nearly an hour, it's up to the business to plug in whatever hold music they like via radio, CD or cassette. By the way, their hold music was an oddly calming piano jazz.

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