Tuesday, September 4,2001 Volume 67, Issue 9

The Daily Courgar ( UnIversity of Houston)

Scientology is an Oppressive Cult

By Ellen Simonson

Are you worried about money? Do you wonder how you can possibly make a decent living except through hard work and dedication? Easy, my friend -- this is America. Just follow the capitalist genius of a man named L. Ron Hubbard and start your own religion.

At the age of 19, in 1929, Hubbard -- who by then was already a pathological liar, claiming to be a "blood brother" of the Blackfoot Indians who could ride broncos before he was four years old -- entered George Washington University to study civil engineering.

He flunked out rapidly, but he didn't care. His grades in math were awful, he failed physics and he never graduated from college, but that didn't stop him from claiming to have degrees in civil engineering and mathematics. He also claimed to be one of America's first nuclear physicists.

Hubbard began his adult life as a mediocre science-fiction author of pulp stories with titles like "Man-Killers of the Air" and "The Carnival of Death," which were published in such fine news periodicals as Thrilling Adventures Magazine and Smashing Novels Magazine.

After his World War II record (notable only for the lies he told about it), Hubbard abandoned himself to the practice of "magick" for a few years, performing bizarre ceremonies a la Alistair Crowley in an attempt to summon a woman willing to give birth to "Babalon,"

the incarnation of evil. Strangely, this proved unrewarding, and Hubbard began to pursue other ways of controlling people.

Hence Scientology, a pseudo-religion that, despite being absolutely ludicrous, has become a serious threat to the mental and physical health of millions of Americans.

Scientologists would have you believe that L. Ron Hubbard was the reincarnation of the Buddha and that Scientology can cure cancer without medical treatment, among other, equally plausible, things.

The first step to becoming a Scientologist is generally a personality test, which recruiters offer to strangers on the street. No matter how you answer the questions on the test, the recruiter will say you have problems that cannot be solved except through Scientology, and you will be invited in for a "Communication Course."

Sounds like fun? It is. For example, you'll sit motionless for hours while repeating the phrases "I must exist" and "I mustn't exist"

hundreds of times. In other words, you'll be hypnotized. This part of the course is free.

Now you're ready for the "Purification Rundown." This will set you back a couple thousand dollars. At the rundown, you'll ingest huge quantities of vitamins and minerals, then spend hours either running or in a sauna. The physical effects of dehydration will be explained to you as spiritual, hallucinogenic responses to the truths of Scientology.

From there, you'll proceed to the next steps in your indoctrination -- the "Hubbard Key to Life Course," the "Hubbard Life Experience Course" and finally the "Objective Processes." Don't worry, these are all exactly as scientific and safe as their names suggest.

Each will set you back about $8,000. If you're willing to shell out the money, you deserve to move into the higher levels of Scientology, the "Operating Thetan" levels.

An Operating Thetan is what Scientology calls you when you're well immersed in the cult. At a conservative estimate of $2,000 to $4,000 per class, you can progress from "OT 1" to "OT 2" to "OT 3," where you will finally learn the truth about human origins.

It turns out that, 75 million years ago, the Earth was "part of a Galactic Federation ruled by an evil prince named Xenu." Still with me?

Good, because it gets complex.

The Federation was overpopulated, so Xenu shipped the inhabitants of 75 planets to Earth and annihilated them via hydrogen bombs placed in volcanoes.

The spirits, or "thetans," of these creatures were gathered on "electronic ribbons" and implanted with images of future societies of Earth. These thetans were then formed into clusters, and everyone who exists is a mass of such clusters. Very simple.

Anyone who criticizes Scientology is a "Suppressive Person." As a budding Scientologist, you are forbidden all contact with such people. Of course, by now you've invested approximately $375,000 in Scientology "training," so you'll fall for this with no problem.

The sad part about Scientology is not that L. Ron Hubbard was plainly a megalomaniac with very little faith in the intelligence of the masses. The sad part is, it appears that to a large extent he was right.

Hubbard's "religion," which was conceived in the late 1940s, currently has millions of believers.

Members who try to leave the cult are harassed, threatened, sued, kidnapped, tortured and sometimes killed under Scientologists' "care."

And L. Ron Hubbard was worth more than $600 million when he died.

For more information on "the cult of greed and death," visit "An Introduction to Scientology" at www.modemac.com/cos.

Ellen Simonson, a senior creative writing major and suppressive person, can be reached at ellen_simonson@yahoo.com.

Student Publications University of Houston Houston, Texas 77204-4071 ©2001, Student Publications. All rights reserved.

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