INTRODUCTORY NOTE;

I have decided to post to Google.com (as fully as possible) my experiences with Scientology here both to exercise my USA First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and to share with others what I went through and what I learned.

I have not posted this series (which I hope will be read by quite a few people) to create threads on a.r.s., as frankly comments and challlenges will not change my past experiences or what I have learned with hindsight. Also, what some cult members will post under fake and anonymous nicknames to discredit my story will not affect its truth one iota.

This may also inspire others to post their stories more fully, which will help to give a broader view of the whole situation.

I do hope that the relating of what happened will be of use to others who don't have the hindsight or direct experience or the 24 year track record I had with Scientology from 1973 to 1997, when I left the cult and regained my freedom and self-determinism.

I want to do this in several parts, and to give my story and what I learned in hindsight for each section of the posting. It gives a good contrast and some interesting counterpoint to show the facade of Dianetics and Scientology from when it was happening and what I learned since I left.

I may also ad items to the postings as I remember them so the full picture will be painted in the end.

*************************************************************************

Michael Pattinson's experiences with Scientology (MPES)Part1.

I was a professional artist when I first heard about Dianetics and Scientology in Paris in 1973. I had a job giving english lessons to corporate executives and bankers.

A doctor,friend of mine from University in Scotland, (where I got a Masters Degree in Economics and Social Sciences)sent me Dianetics by L.Ron Hubbard. I had been previously reading some books on spirituality, etc but read the Dianetics book as Mary (Rogers) had recommended it.

I went to the Paris Dianetics-Scientology "church" in Rue De Londres after finishing the book to find out if I could get a few past nasty incidents run out of me to get rid of a stomach ulcer and to cure myself from being a "gay" person, so taboo at the time..

I was greeted by a staff member and given a "personality test" with 200 questions, and failed to get a high score. I was then "routed"

(taken physically) to a "registrar, a Ms Colette Byasson and we sat down for an interview. She went over the personality test results with me to show me how the low points must be "ruining" my life, and that Dianetics-Scientology were my only hope of ever remedying these flaws.

I was also shown Hubbard's "The Bridge To Total Freedom" as a chart-diagram of steps to gigantic spiritual powers ( a state called "O.T" which is supposed to be a spiritual being endowed with being permanently outside its body, lives forever, can do telekinesis, etc.)

through Scientology and Dianetics. I was impressed.

We got into my "gay" aspects too and telling Ms Byasson about it literally brought me to tears as I had not confided in anyone about that previously. I was 24 years old at the time and had not been able to tell anyone in my life aboput being gay till then. In England, where I grew up, being gay at that time was sufficient to create huge social and familial chaos if known, as it still is today in many areas of the world. This created a kind of "bond" with Colette, which remained even after she was expelled from Scientology in about 1980.

It also formed a bond between myself and Hubbard's "Tech" as I had been told, during a moment of real grief and emotion (while Colette was pointing out my "ruin" after the personality test) that it was my only hope for any kind of resolution. I did a "communications Course"

with hours of supposedly (but practically impossible) unblinking staring at someone else's eyes, bull-baiting and fronting up to verbal abuse and harassments and then a lot of reading of lines from Alice In Wonderland to practice parts of a whole communication structure. I did that for a week or two and then was encouraged to do a "study technology" course with Hubbard texts on studying, words, clay modelling execises and tapes of "technology" about studying.

Even though I was pretty literate and well educated I had serious difficulty with the "checkouts" where, if I could not give an INSTANT CORRECT definition of any words selected at random by a supervisor I was "flunked" (given a fail grade) and made to re-study the text all over again till I could do it with all instant definitions perfectly.

The first text "Keeping Scientology Working" which was pretty long, took me about 3 weeks to pass on the instant word or re-study checkouts! It contained technical jargon from Hubbard's later courses, so I was obliged to study a whole lot of other materials to see what they meant. They were not english words in any english dictionary. It did get easier as I went through more and more texts but it was a real nuisance to have to be that meticulous at such an introductory stage.

I learned from that course that I "MUST NOT go past a misunderstood word or symbol EVER" or I would have a probably fatal series of consequences i.e. I would "go blank" in my mind, I would separate myself from the study materials and from the group, I would then start to "commit destructive acts" on the area and group and then leave and give up my one hope of ever being a free being or of helping create a better planet Earth. I would also be lost in the oblivion of being a "Wog" (Hubbard term for any non-Scientologist) and remain utterly ineffective in all domains of Life forever. This is not an exaggeration. Such is still being taught in Scientology today.

So I used my newfound "tech of study" to ask what the crosses were on the walls and around the necks of some black-garbed staff members. I was told it was because the French government was trying to shut down Scientology and that it had been decided for it to "be" a church to have more tangible protection both in France and abroad. There was no real atmosphere of a "church" there, however, in my observation. God was certainly nowhere to be seen, just lots of photos of Hubbard all over the place.

It was not a pleasant factor, too, that my course supervisor, Jean-Pierre Vogel, was often telling me he discoverd he was a nazi in his immediate past life! His nazi checkouts where he would flunk me about 1/100th of a second after asking the word definition and i hadnt yet spoken didn't go with any concept I had of a "religion".

*********************************** ***********************************

IN HINDSIGHT (for the above period) I LEARNED AND SAW: (after 24 years of experience within Scientology and over 5 years out of it)

1.The religious aspect was really only for legal and financial reasons, and had no real factual basis in the studies I took there, which, in definitions of Scientology, specifically excluded "God" from Scientology as it was "outside" the domain of either Dianetics or Scientology. The Hubbard writings about anything at all, however insignificant, to do with "God" are few and very far between, even in their so-called "Ministers Course" (which I took).

2.The Communications Course was a part of a training system to be indoctrinated as an "auditor" (a Hubbard technical practitioner) and was designed to put me under the control of the organization right from the start.

3.The "ruin" aspect of the personality test and first registrar interview was designed to motivate me, by pain and unconsciousness (as my ruin was painful emotionally and from a source unknown to me)to remain in Scientology every time it may come up in the future because the pain would supposedly drive me back in if I had strayed. There was huge emphasis on the "only hope for me or Mankind" aspect (which is utterly fake and false) so I "knew" from what I was repeatedly told that if I failed in Scientology I was as good as dead forever.

This IS what keeps intelligent people who are trusting in the cult for SOOOOO long. This, and the longing for huge but non-existent (but promised anyway) spiritual powers that are advertised but not delivered.

4.The Bridge to Total Freedom is not a Bridge (I walked all the way to the end by 1990) and I found it was a Pier to Total Flotsam, as people who get to the end and protest the fact that it goes nowhere prettty soon get thrown overboard and out of the group to re-integrate a society from which they are estranged by too closeted a cult-life. A bridge has 2 ends on different shores. There is no new shore at the end of the pier I walked across. It is a fake "Bridge".

5. Today, in 2003, there is yet to be an "O.T" with scientifically and/or publicly demonstrable "O.T.Powers" made or advertised to exist.

6.The technology of study seems to me more oriented towards cult-indoctrination than self-discerning free-thinking STUDY (i.e.

Hubbard is never wrong; if you disagree with him on ANYTHING It is because you have gone past a word or symbol that you did not fully understand. Hubbard being wrong about ANYTHING is not a thought that a Scientologist can compute with in their indoctrinated mind.

7.Being gay was not ever my choice or intention but it is not something that Scientology will ever "handle" however much one spends (I spent close to a half million dollars in Scientology, and I still want my money back!). Scioentology considers being gay as an "aberration" that needs to be erased. However, they don't erase it and are in actual practice anti-gay (as I and others got sent to "ethics"

correction for such behavior). They did, however, accept hundreds of thousands of "Gay dollars" from me in full for a service they never delivered in full.Being gay may be something we don't understand yet but it exists in millions of people and, even when humans who misapply their own religious beliefs and spit hate out at gays, God loves me just the way I am.

8. I have never known ANYONE to flawlessly pass the "personality test". So there is ALWAYS fodder to ask the testee for money to "handle".

That, alone, is worth more than all I ever got out of Scientology.

Stay tuned for part 2 and more......

From: karethian@msn.com (michael pattinson)
Subject: Michael Pattinson's Experiences with Scientology (MPES). Part 2
Date: 25 Aug 2003 22:17:58 -0700
Message-ID: <22c1ffd4.0308252117.3e857e32@posting.google.com>

(The note at the end of the last section where I mentioned that someting was worth more than all I ever got in Scientology referred to the fact that now I know God loves me just the way I am).

**************************************** Part 2.

1973-1974.

I was studying Dianetics and Scientology in the Paris organization and,after finishing the study technology course, I started to be trained as an auditor so I could becoma "Clear" (advertised as someone who has no more aberrations, has perfecr recall, is healthy with no psycho-somatic problems (mentally-related aberrations)and is far and away above a mere "human", according to Hubbard.

I paid for some "auditing" (read "pastoral counselling" to be part of the religious presentation of Hubbard's writings etc...) and ran out some past moments of pain and unconsciousness and even "contacted"

what I thought was a past life of mine, as a roman soldier. I got some relief from the stomach ulcer in one session too. It was a hard process to do, but I was determined to get to "Clear" and O.T because I wanted the advertised attributes and freedom from pains, limitations and somatic-aberrations.

I even audited staff members, and was fully in the swing of things, having believed the public relations and the staff encouragements with a trust that I had rarely given before. I was so trusting that I started to use the Hubbard business management books as part of my english lessons. That proved to be a vast mistake, as I was severely interrogated by a member of the cult's "Guardian's Office" (in charge of ensuring the continued existence of Scientology by any and all methods, legal or not) and was threatened, physically restrained in a small room in the attic and pressured till I agreed to stop using the books outside the organization. I had unintentionally tripped up on a strategic survival point that the Guardian's Office had implemented;

namely Scientology was supposed to be a "religion" and there I was presenting its "business" aspect openly. It was a horrible experience as the person (Martine Pillet) was "O.T" and I assumed she had superhuman powers over me at the time, so I cried a lot then complied.

The interrogation was very verbally brutal. I continued anyway, as I believed I had NO HOPE except in doing Scientology. So I had been shown, told and reminded of over and over.

I continued to pay for courses and buy Hubbard books and eventually the Paris Organization moved to the 5th district, not by O.T.

telekinesis, but in moving vans. We were then in the Rue Saint Genevieve, on the left bank of the River Seine. An old but tall building with no elevators and attic auditing rooms, it was bigger than the Rue de Londres space. It also had a big cellar. There we could do further communications course exercises, such as shouting as loudly as we could at a glass ashtray on a chair (Training Routine 8)to get it to lift itself into the air. We were, however, allowed to use hands to lift it, but I was convinced that this must be part of a real trip to telekinesis in my O.T. future.

The Guardian's Office, full of hard-and-serious, non-smiling and sometimes uniformed (para-military) Scientology devotees was on the next-to-top floor.

One day in 1974 one of these uniformed sailors of the "Sea Organization" actually asked to see me, and even smiled. To cut a long story short, I got recruited to be a staff member of the Paris Organization. I was told that I would be a very "elite" person bringing Mankind's ONLY HOPE to planet Earth (Hubbard's writings) and that I would be sent away to Hubbard's secret Ship to be trained to keep his technology pure in application there in Paris. I got rid of my apartment, stooped my career as an artist, put my stuff in storage and set off to Copenhagen, Denmark, where I would be briefed by senior Sea Organization officials and set-up for security clearance to go and be on Ron's ship the Apollo.

Well, while I was in Copenhagen I was told I had to do a whole lot more training to be even worthy of being anywhere near L.Ron Hubbard.

I would get trained in Copenhagen then get sent off. The berthing was in the Via Kochsvej at the Sea Organization's staff house. It was anything but "elite". In our dorm, which measured about 12 feet by 12 feet there were 13 beds! I hated that, as I was accustomed to having my own space. There was only 1 bathroom for about 25 people. Mornings were hell. The food was pretty awful too. Greasy and crude, we got to often eat beans and rice if the week's production statistics were lower than the previous week's levels. Yuk. There were also some horrible incidents where Sea Organization newbies (had only just signed their BILLION YEAR CONTRACTS to serve L.Ron Hubbard (yes, a billion; that's not a typo) were verbally and physically abused in a highly degrading manner by the "Commanding Officer" Judy Speer. For the new recruits "compliance" was everything. I had not signed a Sea Org contract, just a 5 year staff "contract" in Paris.

After a few weeks of that I decided to move out to a hotel (cheap but clean) at my own expense. I actually had savings back then; something rare indeed among any Scientologists, as the cult normally swallows those up very fast. I continued my training in the Copenhagen organization, mostly with food and lodging at my own expense even though I was a "staff member". One time (1975) I was even called to duty as a staff member to go to Vienna Austria to help there as key staff members there had deserted the "church". Of course, I had to pay for it all room, food, travel, as no money was available for staff expenses...I was "doing my duty to humanity" and helping "Ron" to "Clear the Planet" (get rid of all humanity's aberrations). While in Vienna for about 6 weeks I did a good and conscientious job, and even worked with "missionaire" Guillaume Lesevre (who was a junior Sea Org member). He is now the Executive Director of Scientology world-wide.

Back in Copenhagen I continued to do more training and auditing of others,as well as auditing others. I even audited a "fiendly"

psychiatrist" from Germany (Hubbard HATED psychiatrists but needed P.R. allies). I met some people doing "O.T." levels and was suitably impressed with their P.R and smug but teasing total silence as to what the "Confidential O.T. materials" consisted of. It took 6 months till all was done to go the the Apollo. I had to pack and get ready to leave and was not told where I was going. I was given tickets to Florida and ended up at Daytona Beach! Instead of being on the Apollo with Ron I was the first external "student" in the Neptune Motel with no Ron but with all of the Apollo staff. I was bewildered but very impressed. Ron Hubbard was "in a secret location", having come ashore with all his crew in the USA and abandoned the Apollo just days before.

I found myself as a lowly Dianetics auditor in an internship with ONLY CLASS 12 AUDITORS (which were, and still are Hubbard's topmost auditors planet-wide). I had to do communications training exercises with them and I felt out-of-my-depth so much. It was intimidating but I could only do my best. I did, however, become good friends with many of the Class 12s for years afterwards. I was also put to room with a paying public client (Albert D.W) as he was suffering from total pessimism of ever getting results but paying vast amounts of money to get some. The Daytona organization known as Flag Land Base could not afford to lose such a wealthy and pliable client. He stayed.

We stayed in the Neptune Motel till the real new Flag Land Base in the old Jack Tar Hotel in Clearwater was made ready.

******************************************** ******************************************** WHAT I SAW AND LEARNED AFTERWARDS;

1."Clear" is, in my experience and that of others I have spoken with, not what it was advertised or purported to be in the Dianetics book I read. No perfect recall, no absence of somatics, etc; just not what was promised.

2.The Guardian's Office, under Hubbard's wife, was a criminal organization and 11 executives were convicted of crimes and even Hubbard's wife did prison time. As a Scientologist I was kept uninformed as to the real extent and nature of all the G.O.s criminality. It was supposedly disbanded as a result of the trials but in actual fact, as I have observed, the current "Office Of Special Affairs" OSA still bears a hideous resemblence and even some staff from that time. The thing that changed was mostly the name not the behaviors.

3.The centre of the Scientology regime (with no Hubbard since the early 1980s) is the Sea Organization and the commitment is one billion years, so fanaticism runs very high. A lot of Sea Org members are very nice people who have been hoodwinked, lied-to and disinformed about so so many things to do with how things REALLY ARE in Scientology. They earn about $60 a week plus dorm and food. The Class 12 auditors earn about the same ; i.e. around about a dollar an hour cash, but their clients pay Scientology from $600 to about $800 an hour.

They have no idea where all the rest of that money goes, about how it is channelled to groups of lawyers, secret bank accounts, paying to crush the livelihoods of management's perceived enemies (mostly, but not all, former members who either discovered the scam or those who will not knuckle under to the gold braid and bad tempers).

4. The shouting at glass ashtrays does not in fact produce any O.T telekinesis.

5. The way Sea Org members are treated is not much better than actual slavery, though the frequent briefings keep them in-line, contributing and producing despite the lack of valid exchange. They are convinced they are saving Mankind but in fact their efforts are used to make those at the top have vast funds available, privileges and operatives doing covert operations that the lower level Sea Org members would be shocked at if they knew. It is a kind of "duty-motivated slavery".

6.When I was told I was doing my duty, paying monies in large amounts and giving virtually free service to the cult to "help Mankind by helping Hubbard". I didn't know I was also inadvertantly helping the Guardian's Office commit crimes and ruin the lives of innocent people.

7. I was shocked to learn that the Scientology executives sentenced for crimes had done such extensive infiltration of the U.S.

government.

******************************************************************************

From: karethian@msn.com (michael pattinson)
Subject: (MPES) 3 Michael Pattinson's Experiences with Scientology. Part 3
Date: 26 Aug 2003 22:39:47 -0700
Message-ID: <22c1ffd4.0308262139.33fee85d@posting.google.com>

PART 3 of M.P.E.S.

1975 and later.

The whole crew and the most recently arrived "public" (Hubbard term for clients of his organizations) all went by coach from Daytona Beach over to Clearwater late in 1975.

We arrived at the old Jack Tar Hotel on S.Ft Harrison Avenue and were assembled to be briefed on rooms, facilities etc. I the rooms there were the normal beds, drapes, shag carpets,...but no TVs. Roaches were a huge problem, as was their sheer size...awful things. The hotel was clean-ish but was in relatively old condition. One day I heard a crash in my bathroom and the ceiling had fallen in and a nest of roaches with it...apalling. I survived the room, however, even with no bathroom ceiling. Rusty old pipes were a very common sight.

The place was, however, a far better size and layout than the Neptune Motel, which was small in comparison.

Right from the start we were briefed with great emphasis on the following:

1. Our group was NOT to be revealed as being Scientology to the locals!! No way!! (severe penalties implied for breaches of "cover").

2. We were tp pretend to be people of all denominations of churches there for a congress and ongoing meetings. We were to be referred-to as "United Churches" and keep a low-profile, friendly, neighborly approach with locals. We knew we had to lie, but we had no choice as the instruction came from the Guardian's Office" and from Ron Hubbard, who was "in a secret location" locally. I did once see him drive by in a gold colored Cadillac but that was the only time I ever saw him.

3. We were to do our courses full-time and be totally dedicated to the job of getting done with our (vast) training programs and get back to our organizations as soon as possible.

4. Sex of any kind was out of the question for anyone any time.

When the "cover" was blown by the local press and Mayor Cazares we got a note from Ron that said "look at these wogs; they get a person's "withhold(secret) off, and then kick him when he is down!" The "United Churches" game was up and Scientology's fake facade was revealed. We left it up the Guardian's Office to handle the resulting "flap" (chaos created by Scientology but blamed on wogs).

My training was intensive and we were all studying up on the 11th floor above the ballroom. I did my daily training routines with Quentin Hubbard, as were both British and got on very well. I would try to bullbait him in the required communication drills but it was difficult to make him crack up or laugh. He looked mostly depressed and "regrettably present". I used to ask him about Ron and being the son of the "Source" of Scientology but he was not very open about it and I got a very definite impression that he wished he wasn't. He seemed to take that aspect of his life as a liability as it gave him such a hard standard to measure up to. When he bullbaited me it was usually with airplane sounds! I did crack up sometimes as he was funny with the bi-plane impressions and pilot faces etc... We became very good friends in the time that followed. he also like my artwork (I had some photos of it). I also became good friends with Arthur Hubbard, the artist, and we spoke on many occasions. I was intending to publish a book on art and include Hubbard's Art Series in it. I had a contract with L.Ron Hubbard (secured via a senior Exec Rick Merwin) and Arthur made a cartoon "Tone Scale" of emotions to be part of the book.

Unfortunately, duie to staff work schedules and lack of funds it never got published.

I became good friends with Diana Hubbard, and Suzette too. They all knew me on a close first name basis and were specially interested in me as an artist. I never met Mary Sue Hubbard, or ever saw her at the Flag Land Base in Clearwater. Ron was also never seen there.

One day we sensed an awful atmosphere, and there was a huge buzz of tension. We were taken individually to a closed personal briefing. I was told Quentin had "dropped his body" in unspecified circumstances and "did I need auditing to deal with the upset?" There was a message from Ron that "life goes on beyond death" and that Quentin had gone on, and we must get on with clearing the planet. I was emotionally upset as he was a close friend, but I "felt" somehow he was OK spiritually....It was a huge shock, however.

The last time I saw Quentin was in the "new" internship room on the ground floor by the pool. He was depressed and in despair. I tried to cheer him up but to no avail. It seemed he had been, once again, "busted" by his Dad down from a Class 12 audiitor to "retrain" from the bottom. All his hard-earned certificates ahd been cancelled and he was a "nobody" among the Sea Org crew of auditors. This had, apparently happened before. I think it drove him over the edge. He looked awful and crushed. I didn't see him again after that. It was, I believe, just a few weeks later that the news came that he was dead.

Quentin was a very nice person, a sweet soul, with good intentions and a kind personality. I liked him a lot and missed his playfulness.

My own training went on, with some difficulty, as I felt out of my depth in the Class 12 internship with auditors who were leagues and parsecs ahead of me. It was also a "Sea Org" (forcefully dedicated military-navy-style focus, fear, steely-resolve and harsh verbal discipline atmosphere). Brian Livingston was the Supervisor, Jeff Walker the apallingly heavy-handed and anti-social Senior Cramming (corrections) Officer, Dennis Erlich was the junior Cramming Officer and was truly horrible. Anger and resentment was the underlying tone of the Flag internships. It didn't suit my personality at all. David Mayo was the senior Case Supervisor. Ray Mithoff was the Flag senior Case Supervisor. It was a close knit group of fanatical devotees tied together by frayed nerves.

David Miscavige was, when I saw him, a tiny and wiry "Commodore's Messenger" (Hubbard had made himself a Commodore of the Sea Org) who was officious and obnoxious like a mini tin-pot teen tyrant who had goten out of hand and needed to be spanked by his Mom. He had the same grating-rasping voice as his Dad (Ron)and brother Ronny. It was used to violate the sensitive eardrums of the "recipients" of his messages and his ire. He would stride in like he was a teenage "God Almighty"

and cuss out Brian Livingston, many years his senior. It was "Command Intention" (Ron's intention) that his messengers were to be treated as if it was actually him (Ron) present, so the messengers (even the cute girly ones like Tonya Burden) could act like Hubbard and be as ornery as they liked without consequences. I was not in the Sea Org and found the brutality of verbal abuse, foul swearwords in over-abundance, in-your-face confrontationalism hard to see, hard to take. The Class 12s were, however, very kind to me and showed compassion. They were among the nicest people I ever met in Scientology. I still don't know how they survived the abuses they were subject to. It was shocking to see them cussed at loudly, pulled here and there like some naughty child yanked by an angry parent and humiliated in front of the group for the slightest session mistake. Some of them did, however, confide in me, and tell me their feelings, tears and all, in the rare social moments we had at a local cafe or shopping mall. I could see they were utterly dedicated to saving humanity and thoroughly believed that Scientology was mankinds only hope now or ever. I also came to believe that at the time. I was also subjected to tirades of hurricane force anger and typhoons of verbal abuse by Jeff Walker who scared me, and everyone else, to death. We were all EXPECTED to be FLAWLESS. However, we were human, and that led to frequent upsets, crises, collapses and struggles all round. I will pass, in this telling of my story, on the numerous upsets, panic attacks, challenges, crises, depressions, etc, etc, etc, I went through in my giving and taking of training and auditing at Flag Land Base. Too painful to go into, frankly. The only "comfort" was we "knew" we were saving the planet from utter ruin. We had to take the abuse, in our indoctrinated state of mind, to "get the job done for Ron", who was counting on us all.

One of the most shocking but frquent occurrences was a staff member suddenly being marched off by gestapo-like uniformed people and taken to the basement where they were forced to live in squalor and humiliation. They were not allowed to speak to any one who was not in the "Rehabilitation Project Force" (RPF), had to wear dark blue overalls, run EVERYWHERE, clean the grounds of the hotel for most of ther day, and study 5 hrs a day too. My former high-classed funfriend looked like broken white-faced ghouls, and I was not even supposed to say hi to them! That was truly a point of severe "disconnect" between me and the Sea Org at the time. They were literally outcasts and slaves, right in the U.S.A. Hidden but there, total slaves supposedly on a "Bridge to Total Freedom".

There were often "crises" the group had, all openly and fully blamed on the local mayor and Clearwtaer Sun newspaper. It was unsettling but we went on with our jobs regardless. I was having a hard time being flawless, (it was ruthlessly EXPECTED of me, with NO EXCUSES!) and my auditing was not perfect no matter how hard I tried. I think I was burned out trying to keep up with "Olympic" Class 12s whereas I was really a little league trainee. I got so utterly stressed-out I paid for auditing, used up my savings, paid monies into "Religious Research Foundation" (I was carefully informed in the registrars' office that R.R.F was to get money for "Ron's personal research use", and "we are arranging to give Ron the total of about $80 million cash he wants") and got auditing. I had some "wins" at certain moments but then would collapse back. I tried and tried but it was no use. By the end of 1976 I was stressed out and took a short vacation to New York (in Florida clothes in a New York winter,...ouch) and had a mildly gay old time, so to speak. I was When I got back I had to have a "security check"

(Flag and Sea Org were, and still are, paranoid to a very high degree about security) and I was discovered to have had a "gayer" time than I was allowed, ...lol). I had to be "removed from training", sent home "to get my past-life drug abuse handled". I had never taken any drugs in my life except rare times of medication for illness, yet I was supposed to have vast amounts of unhandled drug abuse residues in my soul from former bodies I had lived in in past lives! I was very upset (as in STEAMINGLY FURIOUS), had to completely drop out of training, write silly advertisement-promotional letters all day every day for 3 months, help out here and there with chores to earn my food and lodging, and basically be a failure while Paris org earned enough cash (it took 4 months) to send me home.

During that time I also heard that none of the Class 12 auditors had ever gotten actual certificates for the levels they had attained, so I used my artistic-calligraphic skills to make over 200 certs for them in all. They were all sent up to Ron for signature and were delivered to the Class 12s, who were happy to get them. I even secretly made one "Hubbard Class XII Auditor" certtificate for Quentin, just to have it actually BE, but didn't send it up for signature, then later quietly destroyed it. I felt he deserved more than even a little gesture like that, but that was all I could do.

By Spring 1977 I had enough of being an outcast and broke down in tears. Lisa Gerber (now Rentschler), one of the Class 12 auditors calmed me down in the garden and I felt a bit better. Soon afterwards I was sent home to Paris to take the post of "Keeper of the Tech" as i had done a considerable amount of training but not all I was originally programmed to do.

*********************************************************** *********************************************************** WHAT I SAW AND WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TIME LATER;

1. Whatever the advertised "flawlessness" of Flag auditing may be advertised to be it is NOT NOT NOT flawless. It is delivered by human beings who are good, even great, but are not perfect. I have seen the frequent and gigantic imperfections of Flag auditing over many years and it is a regrettable but true fact that many costly and upsetting mistakes occur daily at Flag.

2. Quentin Hubbard died in mysterious circumstances which do not rule out murder, as far as I know. He was found near death in his car by Las Vegas airport (again with the planes!!) with the exhaust pipe connected in to the interior air supply. He, apparently, died in the hospital. Other sources are better qualified than me to give rulings on exactly what happened with all of that.

3. Hubbard was Commodore of his own "navy" but as his ship Apollo was sold in 1975-76 it was a dry-land navy. The Sea Organization was on land. All the Sea Org officers and crew, however, wore the uniforms, gold braid and trappings for official events every year. Hubbard was hidden from his navy and was in hiding from the law. While I was there at Flag the trial of the Scientology executives was taking place, all unknown to us. It was kept secret from us. We did not even hear about the sentencings.

4. David Miscavige was fully in "Ron's valence" (taking on someone else's personality and forgetting your own self) while being a Ron Hubbard messenger. I don't think he ever went back to being himself ever since. Poor litle man.

5. I was apalled at the brutality of existence as a "Sea Org member"

at Flag. I saw a heck of a lot, knew most of the senior people personally, observed the "bustings", the tirades of psychotic hate, the heartless smashing of devoted staff members into subjugated silent robots when Ron sent them to the hotel basement purgatory called the "R.P.F"., the forced submission of kind but un-flawless people, the hideously dirty and crowded berthing, the punishments of rice-and-beans diet for lowered production stats,...and Flag was NOT what it was advertised to be, either "The Friendliest Place in the Whole World" (excuse me while I run to throw up), or "The Mecca of Technical Pefection" (I saw virtually NOTHING "perfect" at Flag) at about $800 an hour for Flag auditing. The glossy facade hides a roaches nest of false promises, hidden costs, imperfect delivery, hidden distress, poverty of staff, public with vast upsets and broken dreams.

********************************************

From: karethian@msn.com (michael pattinson)
Subject: (MPES) 4 Michael Pattinson's Experiences with Scientology. Part 4
Date: 27 Aug 2003 23:05:13 -0700
Message-ID: <22c1ffd4.0308272205.1f9ab5c9@posting.google.com>

Part 4.

In 1977 I was sent back from Flag Land Base to Paris to start a 5 year contract.

When I got back I was immediately informed that my post would NOT be the one I had trained for but that I would hold an entirely different one. I was put in charge of the "Qualifications Division" which deals with the correction of errors in "The Tech", staff training, Courseroom oversight, training of interns, public arbitration and other matters. I didn't want that job but there was no choice ofered.

I worked 7 days a week, from 9a.m. to about midnight with 1 hour for lunch and one hour for dinner. I lived in the proverbial french "garrett", a 10ft by 6ft attic with a sloping roof under the eaves of a local apartment building (5th floor with no elevator). My bed was a top bunk and my work space was underneath. It was amazingly small. I actually painted in there too, but if I wanted to go to the restroom I had to take away the easel to get out of the door. A day off was more than rare. I think I got 2 or 3 days off in a year, and often when I was "off" at other times a staff member would come to get me (no phone) as I was "needed". I had about 7 staff members in my division, including both A.F. and S. Rosenberg, a couple that would later set-up the Paris "Celebrity Centre" Scientology organization.

So, there I was, an "executive" of a Scientology organization. I did many more functions than other staff members as I was "trained" and they weren't. The occasional revenues from selling a painting (done in rare free moments or a luch break) supplemented my income, which averaged about 140ff a week (about $35 in 1977-78, which would be about $60 now)helped me to have rent and food, and I also often had to pay for paper and office supplies for my work as none was forthcoming in the weekly "financial planning". A lot of money was sent "up-lines"

every week to Scientology management and book publishing organizations who sent us Hubbard books to sell. Whatever was left was distributed by allocation to the departments, and what was left over from that went to "pay" staff. Sometimes we got almost nothing for a week's work. Management was, however, always paid first as "top priority".

I worked hard, got the best results I could, and felt like I was "helping Mankind" by my efforts. I was one of the most highly trained staff members so I was always being asked to do things, night and day.

I did anything from correcting staff auditors, keeping the library, giving tech references (there was no tech dictionary or index at the time), doing session exams to see if the session was ok or not, marriage counselling, dispute handling and other things too. I even made the space nice, at my expense, with a little miniature garden on my desk. I was working more than full time for almost NO pay.

I also had to occasionally help out the Guardian's Office with preparations for the criminal trial against L.Ron Hubbard in France.

However, in the end he was convicted, in absentia. The name of the Scientology organization was changed to "Church of the New Faith"

(Eglise de La Nouvelle Foi) and we went on, as before, applying Hubbard tech and trying to expand the organization. In a time of crisis the "Guardian World-Wide" Jane Kember came over as things had gone bad legally, and I found myself being "grilled" by 3 people, including her to see if I were a "security threat" or not. My being gay was considered a risk factor for some reason, even though I was not actively doing anything on that front. I was kept on post and told to protect the "church" by abstinence at all times from any gay encounters. Months later I spoke to a guy in the street who I was attracted to (but nothing more happened with him). I told my auditor (J.L. Canolle what happened in a confidential auditing session. After that session my folder went to the Case Supervisor. I was then asked to come to see my auditor again. I sat down, he closed the door and told me we had a special interview, which was not confidential, and that I must tell him, all over again, what happened with my 10 second "almost gay but non-existent" encounter in a Paris street, but that this time it was needed for "security purposes". I was furious as that was a violation of my confidentiality, but like a good and loyal staff member I related the incident again. The folder went back to the Case supervisor (J.M. Wargniez).

The next morning I was hauled into the "Ethics Office" and was handed a publication which said that I was "of bad moral character" (gay, and at risk of getting "gayer") and that my certificates were all suspended forthwith. I was more than merely upset of angry. I simply ceased to cooperate. I understood that without any certificates in force I could no longer operate an "E-meter" to do my job (an e-meter is a Scientology-Dianetics electronic device that (possibly) measures changes in electrical resistance in the human body, but it is also affected by movements of the body, mental attitude and sweat on the hands that hold ther electrodes).So I ceased to do my job due to the sanctions against me. I decided to leave staff shortly thereafter as I was not getting anywhere on my supposed "Bridge To Total Freedom" and was clearly not "Clear" yet.

When I left (1978)I was given a bill for somewhere about $12,000.00 for the "Flag training" I had had while in Florida. It is known as a "freeloader" bill. If you fail to complete your staff contract you were, by Hubbard policy, liable for all courses you got "free" while on staff. Until it was paid in full I could not contact any of my Scientology friends. I was annoyed at the bill, specially seeing the enormous job I had done for a few dollars/francs. I was, however, utterly RELIEVED to no longer be a staff memeber, and I remember sighing with relief for 2 or 3 days, quite consciously. I took up my painting again and doubled my space by moving into a second attic next door to mine to use as a studio. It was the stereotype 10ft x 8ft artist's studio with the tiny window with a slanting roof overlooking the rooftops of Paris' left bank. I was free of staff workload but had to pay the bill to the "church".

I painted, re-invested my money in more materials, made a slide-show as a promotionmal event attraction and worked very very hard. I travelled a lot and sold whatever I could. After a few months I paid off the bill to Scientology and set about "going Clear". I bought auditing at the Paris Org, painted, sold paintings, paid Scientology as a repetitve process through the rest of 1978 and 1979. I finally got to "Clear" in 1979 but not without huge effort and a lot of money.

One horrible chapter of this was the launching of the "Purification Rundown". Hubbard said that if we wanted to live through the impending World War III, with its radiation and nuclear holocaust we must eliminate radiation from the cells of our bodies by taking large amounts of vitamins, niacin and oil while spending 5hrs a day in a dry sauna. Vitamins were prescribed by a church official (not a doctor) Albert Benhraim. I had to take 10 grams!(40 x 250mg of vitamin B1 a day, 3 to about 10 grams! of Niacin, vast amounts of multi-B vitamins, vitamins C, D, E and a half cup of cold cooking oil (yuk), as well as a quantity of "cal-mag with vinegar", made by mixing calcium carbonate with some magnesium and vinegar in boiling water and drinking it (ugh) when it cooled down. I had to do this for 3 weeks, thought the doses of B1 were less after 3 or 4 days, and I had a horrible time. The 5hrs of sauna per day were bad enough but the intake of vitamin doses was sickening. I threw up on several occasions, and was even parylized for hours in the sauna near the end. It was truly awful but it felt better when I was "done". I felt great when I was off the "rundown" at the end. It had indeed "run me down". My skin was clean and I no longer had to eat nauseous food and vitamins. I was ready to "survive World War III.

I was not disappointed that WW III never occurred but I was when the Hubbard reference to it was quietly removed form the Purification Rundown. Hubbard could NOT have been wrong, according to my brainwashed state. He was the creative-originating "God" of PERFECT Tech, the selfless tireless researcher for the good of all, the new Savior of Mankind, the only real hope for mankind, the flawless genius, the charismatic benefactor of millions, the nuclear scientist-engineer-war hero-family man, the authentic integrity-idol of all Sea Org members, the ideal role model for a new civilization and my hero.

************************************************* ************************************************* WHAT I SAW LATER, WHAT I LEARNED:

(NOTE: I LATER FOUND (1997 ONWARDS) FROM INTERNET AND BOOK DATA VERIFIED BY PUBLIC RECORDS THAT,FOR ME AND FOR MANY, ALL OF THE ABOVE ABOUT "RON" WAS FAKE OR INVENTED "FACTS", FALSE "PUBLIC RELATIONS AND BLATANT LIES).

@@@ Maybe someone can post the urls for the web pages summarizing all the fake "Ron" biographical materials please @@@. It is shocking but fascinating to read the differences between what was claimed about L.Ron Hubbard and the realities that differed from that so widely.

1. The Purification Rundown, still being delivered today, still uses long hours of sauna, vitamin doses and oil, cal-mag etc. Many have had serious negative consequences. I was lucky to have even survived the doses I was given.

2. Org money went to management and to Hubbard book payments as a priority and staff is no picnic as it only receives the crumbs left after all organizational needs are somewhat met.

3. Being gay, even when only in thought, is incompatible with being on staff, and also with being a Scientologist at all. Hubbard said people who are gay, along with others he hated, are dangerous to society; yet he took my dollars over and over, and over again. So did his bigoted minions.

4. Being on staff is a form of duty-motivated slavery.

From: karethian@msn.com (michael pattinson)
Subject: (MPES) 5 Michael Pattinson's Experiences with Scientology. Part 5
Date: 29 Aug 2003 01:44:02 -0700
Message-ID: <22c1ffd4.0308290044.4acdfd83@posting.google.com>

Part 5.

After attesting to "Clear" in 1979 I was intent on getting along further towards the amazing abilities advertised on the "Grade Chart"

and sold to everyone paying for the "O.T. Levels.

I was specially interested in the O.T.3 .."Freedom from Overwhelm", and the O.T.8 ability promised; "A being at Cause over matter, energy, space and time, both subjective and objective". I remember it well.

That was the one that really interested me.

I stayed living in Paris, but moved to a new apartment where I could have good painting space and some pet Persian cats. I worked hard, toured with my slide show, paid in money to Scientology to pay for O.T. levels and went to start them in 1981 I believe.

I went to Copenhagen to do my solo auditing course (where I learned how to hold still both electrodes of the e-meter in one hand, write my session worksheets with my second hand and adjust the e-meter with my 3rd hand....lol, just kidding. I actually adjusted the e-meter with my writing hand. I then continued to do my "eligibiliity" program and "set-ups". Eligibility is where I was checked for all possibilities for "out-security" such as being connected to any psychiatrists, government agencies, spy agencies, media, etc so I could get "invited"

to do the super-secret "O.T.Levels. Set-ups were to see if any of my previous auditing steps were incomplete. I got through both steps after a week or two and started "O.T.1.

****** NOTE: The "Confidential" O.T.Levels 1-6, some of 7, and 8 have been published several times on the internet, but I don't know if and where they may be right now?

I will pass on the details of the actual auditing as it would be redundant due to over-posting. I did what was written. I think that Scientology STILL thinks of them as "confidential" even though they have been publicly available for on-screen viewing, download, reference and printing for months at a time. This may be because their own paying public have a "net nanny" contained in a CD-ROM they get to protect their web-browsing from publicly published, but embarassing truths. The O.T. levels are, therefore still a secret to those who have to pay for them. Ironic but true.

****** I was shocked, however, when I read about Xenu the mad genocidal tyrant and the dead space aliens that I had to get rid of out of my body. I was also very scared of getting pneumonia if I did anything wrong. I was, however, in awe of Ron for cheating death in researching O.T.3 and almost dying while doing it. He said, after all, that he was the very first person in 75 million years to pass through the "Wall of Fire" of the Xenu incident and come out alive. The only thing I didn't understand too well at the time was the list of volcanoes and where they had actually existed, some of them, 75 million years ago.

Anyway, I did the steps, finished the levels one-by-one up to O.T.4, then a part of "old" O.T.7 (to do with projecting intention) in Copenhagen. I was then persuaded that "my artist-clebrity status"

necessitated that I do O.T.5 at Flag, and also the famous "L"

processes (very "O.T. secret stuff)at Flag. I borrowed a lot of money and paid for 3 "L"s, and 100 hours of New OT5. I went to Florida in 1982 to get these services. The painting career paid for the auditing, accommodations, food, travel ans other costs.

For a brief time at Flag in the first half of 1982 things seemed really fine, for me and for the whole group. The atmosphere was good;

we had staff and public working in cheerful harmony, wealthy public flowing in and out, fun events and soirees. Even Diana Hubbard was socializing, along with Cyprien Katsaris (a superb concert pianist) and we had impromptu or informal art evenings with live piano improvisation, cultural conversation and a feeling of starting to win in the battle to clear the planet.

I did O.T.5, then L-10, but O.T5 took so many hours it "ate up" the other 2 L's and I never got to do them.

I went straight on to do OT6 that same year and onto New O.T. 7 by the end of 1982. That, and other unusual personal things that happened in Paris for my art and general spiritual well-being, made 1982 a really good year.

Then suddenly things started to deteriorate rapidly in Scientology. It was already showing as a sense of foreboding in 1982 but the sit (situation) hit the fan in 1983. Very fast, the atmosphere at Flag became awful, oppressive, worrisome, hateful, vindictive and alarming.

Mission holders, who had been earning huge amounts of money, paying for Flag services for themselves and many of their staff were suddenly "under the gun". A mangement power struggle was occurring, with a very uncertain outcome, right in front of us. The executives of missions started to be alarmed at certain hostile actions against them. Some were holding meetings together to plan what to do, and others were being grilled in severe "security checks" on the e-meter and looked hunted and haunted. It was as if the lights went out on the bright expansion of Scientology that had been occurring. I was very concerned as what was occurring had a gestapo-like flavor to it all.

The whole expansion atmosphere collapsed in a heap, and never resurfaced again. Note: Scientology, as I had first known it and progressed within it, never recovered from that power putsch in 1983.

It was as if the whole group was under a concentrated suppressive influence of some magnitude, and it was indeed. It had been taken over, by force, by David Miscavige, Norman Starkey, and a tight group of co-conspirators, including some lawyers/attorneys. Corporate structures and ownerships had been vastly "modified" to prevent any future litigants from getting any money from Scientology (I heard that directly from Miscavige at an event). An infamous "Mission Holder Conference" was held in San Fransisco and acted like a coup d'etat on the mission network. A new regime of very power-hungry staff members essentially took the missions and their monies away from the people who built them. One "excuse" was that missions were taking public from the organizations, or not sending them into orgs fast enough, and so all the mission holders were rounded-up, restrained in a hotel conference/event room with all exits guarded till they either complied with the new tyrannical regime or got expelled from Scientology on the spot. It was as if Hubbard himself had disappeared and a self-elected new mangement authority had simply forced themselves into power and abuse of power.

At Flag, in Clearwater, where I was still auditing New O.T 7 on myself, I saw that both public and staff were dismayed and in terror.

I saw Sea Org officer Wendell Reynolds and accompanying slick, starched uniform aides spreading fear and emotional horror as "Finance Police"! Gestapo-like attitudes and cold tyranny reigned supreme. Many mission holders had not only lost their missions and sources of income but had been expelled never to return. Missions were forced to have "Finance Police" from the new regime and to pay something like $15,000 per DAY to have them there! In short, "my group" was self-destructing and it became most unhealthy to be in contact with it. Even the local Mission (Celebrity Centre) holders from Paris, the Rosenbergs, had been expelled in 1983. So had their Case Supervisor Andree de Thiersant, and others.

I went home to continue auditing New O.T. 7 in Paris, but I had a horrible set of experiences there. I went to the Celebrity Centre for some "management technology" courses, but found that most often I was almost the only student there! The staff who still remained were edgy, afraid and insecure. I got tired of it one day and told the supervisor she was in error in handling me as a student with anger and hostility.

I was immediately "routed" (accompanied with physical persuasion) to a basement roomwhere 2 Sea Org "Missionaires" (uniform and all) were waiting. I had to hold the e-meter electrodes and they asked me very personal questions about my loyalties, my sex life, my sympathies with ex-staff members etc. I was very upset indeed at the kind of gestapo-nazi interrogation that it was. They got me to tell them, though I was not very willing, about my recent gay activities which were sparse and almost non-existant. They then went and held a staff meeting to relate to the personnel what I had just told them! I was apalled, specially as I was on O.T.7 and should never have been subjected to that kind of destructive interrogation.

I had to return to Flag, at great cost, that very same week, to get my severe upsets handled and to get back on track with O.T7.

I returned to Paris and decided to move to Monaco to continue my painting career, to continue my O.T.7 there and to disconnect from the Paris group and from the horrors of the new cruel tyranny of the uninvited management regime.

******************************************** ******************************************** WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED AFTER THE ABOVE (1979-1983)HAPPENED.

1. The O.T. Levels did not produce Total Freedom, except, perhaps, maybe, possibly for the invisible space aliens blown off in sessions.

I have, now, the gravest doubts as to the actual veracity of the Xenu story and the actuality of the space alien spirits etc.... I would even say I doubt all of it to the point of feeling scammed.

2. When power-hunger and greed took over Scientology it lost its power to have a chance at being constructive. It became a travesty of its own stated goals.

3. Tyranny is self-destructive, but harms many in its suicide.

4. Scientology's management is taking the whole group down. I can not say that I feel any desire to help prevent that, seeing how destructive a group it is. In fact I hope they do the best job possible on all of that. They killed the spirit of "my group" back in 1983. They are now reaping what they sowed.

R.I.P. to whatever positive personality Scientology ever succeeded in attaining by the hard work and dedication of a lot of hopeful people, myself included.

**********

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