THE PILOT IS DESTROYED (FAREWELL ADDRESS)
1. I AM ENDED It is with great reluctance that I am announcing that the "Pilot" identity was destroyed by OSA and the CofS.

My policy has always been to forgive and forget, to push for gentle reforms, and to live and let live. And so I hoped to heal and recover and let this matter pass.

But it has been a year now and I have not recovered and there does not seem to be any way out but to abandon it all.

Right now I'm a pitiful shadow of who I was when I wrote Super Scio and Self Clearing. I put those out on the net for free and they will remain there for whomever can use them or get anything out of them. But I am no longer fit to evaluate their contents or further extend the work.

I can prove nothing of what happened to me. Consider this total delusion if you want. It is too incredible and unbelieveable and I would just sound paranoid if I started ranting about it. But in November of 1999, I was drugged, raped, and implanted with the commands that I posted anonymously earlier this year as the OSA Sex-Drug-Hypnosis procedure.

2. CONTROL, FREEDOM, AND RESPONSIBILITY IN SCIENTOLOGY ARS is pushing for articles on this topic right now, so I throught that I would say a few words on it as a parting gesture.

The stated goal of Scientology is Total Freedom. I think that it was a good target and that we made real progress in that direction in the early days.

But then Scientology began to specialize in control, especially in the form of control of their public to collect big bucks, control of communication lines to suppress true stories that were out-PR and of course the notorious use of Ethics for dicipline while pretending to be helping the troublesome members.

This is, of course, the antithisis of freedom and so the true goal became a never to be attained carrot held out in front of the membership to keep them running on the racetrack while the stick of ethics was used to ensure their speedy progress in forking over their money and their lives.

Even this could be tolerated on the basis of live and let live if they were willing to compete on an equal footing with other practices and if they did not extend their controls and abuses outside of their own courseroom doors.

But instead they want to smash competition and suppress any criticism and shut their members minds to any outside influence by engaging in abhoreent practices like disconnection.

But for me the final straw is that they are destructive of any real attempts to research the hidden capabilities of the mind.

I do not want to be egotistical here, but I think that I was pretty damn good at extending the research line and they have put case closed to that possibility.

I'm writing now not for myself, that aspect of my life is over, but for the possibility of future researchers who might yet discover more keys to the hidden capabilities of the mind and spirit. Every viable science has had a myrid of researchers and many generations of progress.

The current CofS is setup to destroy anybody who does try to research the mind and with that they are guaranteeing that nobody will ever make it.

And as for responsibility, they seem to have pulled a fast one where responsibility is defined as smashing their enemies instead of fixing what is really wrong within the organization.

As far as I'm concerned, active membership in CofS implies a total irresponsiblity as to the real effects created and shows no awareness of the real truth, which is that there is something to these spiritual ideals and maybe we should be doing something about that.

I am including this section because of the ARS literai contest, but really I'm not following any of their rules nor do I agree with the real ARS agenda, so I'm not expecting to get anything out of that (and who cares since I make a small fortune as a software designer anyway), but I would like this message to get passed around because it is important and so this seems like a nice way to get the critics to promote it for me on their websites.

3. HUMOR I used to love to write humor posts. I'm a bit dispersed right now, so it doesn't really come together like it used to. But a good one did flash through my mind recently, so I thought that I might give you the idea as a fun gift even through I can't seem to flesh it out right now.

The concept is the humor of the routing form. And the practical example is what if the org should makeup a routing form for going to the bathroom.

Can you imagine going through the registrar for this or visiting accounts to pay for it? The real hoots come on getting word clearing to ensure that you are using the proper receptical or going to qual for correction or writing a success story about the cycle.

And then going to see the reg again and having to pay in advance for the next time that you need to go to the bathroom.

What fun.
4. BELL, BOOK, AND CANDLE A favorite movie of mine.

The message here is of a cultural mind set that is not of the normal society but of a cult within the society that has differenct ideas and a tech that is different from the norm.

Of course there are incredible problems in the mechanics of love between anyone of the norm and somebody of the non-standard cult.

Never mind which cult or what mechanics.

If you are out of alignment, then you have trouble aligning, no matter how great your power.

I find myself in the difficult position of one who does need to find love but is in a frame of reference that is far outside of the normal human context. I have no choice but to walk back into the world that others live in.

If it seems like I'm rambling here, well that is true. Ever since OSA jumped me, trying to write a post turns on incredible amounts of charge and I can hardly think straight.
5. THE DESTRUCTIVE NATURE OF SCIENTOLOGY It really breaks my heart to write this.

I had dreams of a better world, of an acceptance of spiritual values, of an awareness of metaphysics and the search for truth.

I would bend over backwards and give LRH just about anything simply because he expressed some of those ideals and opened the door to greater awareness.

But, for whatever reason, a darkness descended upon the subject.

What had been, in the early days, an open ended research into the nature of a being changed into a ridgid orthodoxy that allows for no free thought or further research.

Right now, with this post, I am doing what they call "walking what I talk", or living as I preach. I know that I've blown it as far as being able to continue the research because I've gotten too badly screwed up myself. And so I am shutting up and announcing that I am doing so rather than pretending to have all the answers.

I wish that Ron had had the same level of integrity.

Despite anything the critics might say, he was truely brilliant in the early days.

But some spiritual sickness twisted him from the path just as I have been twisted. And then he did a bad thing, which was to keep up the pretense and to create an organization which would smash any further attempts to find real answers to the human condition.

Although some might say that that is unforgiveable, I forgive him and think that many others will forgive him as well because his early work was so far beyond anything that had existed before.

But if there is to be any hope, then the barrier that was put up against the research line must be removed or else we are all damned forever.

I'm not going to do anything about this. I really have had it and have nothing left to give. But for your own sake, if you have any belief remaining in the true goal of freedom, then I would suggest that you aim your efforts at removing the terrible road block that the CofS has imposed. How in God's name will we ever research the rest of the road to freedom if an organization exists that destroys every researcher that opens his mouth.
6. LISA I've previously said that the mishandling which led to Lisa M.'s death was due to Flag's incredible incompetance.

And that might really be the case. But now I'm suspecting something far worse.

This is pure speculation.

Let us say that a loyal Scientologists got onto their OT levels and got upset about it, saying that it was not what was wrong with their case and threatening to go public with cries of bullshit because of the high prices charged for a wrong case handling.

I would think that Flag and OSA would get upset. And I would not put it past them to call in an OSA team to use that SDH procedure to implant a command in the girl to make her shut up. And they would justify it as being needed to protect the bridge which ensured eventual total freedom for mankind.

Of course I am guessing here and I don't want to launch any unjust accusations.

But if they did do the SDH procedure with a pretty girl, you can bet that they told her to take her clothes off while under the effects of the hypnotic drug.

And that is a possible answer to the wierdest thing about the Lisa story, which is that it begins with her taking her clothes off in the middle of a public street. That one is really off the wall.

Unless she had previously been hypnotized, and orders to take her clothes off had been part of the incident. And then some random conversation had triggered those orders so that she did it again in public. And of course she really didn't know or remember why she took them off, but was smart enough to say that it was an indication that she needed help.

That does make sense. And the rest of the Lisa story fits in as the misguided attempts to handle somebody suffering from the effects of the OSA SDH implant.

Just speculation of course.

But if this is true, then CofS itself is implanting people and has become that which it pretends to fight.
7. BLACK THETA OPS I'm not certain about the name, but it reads on an e-meter like dynamite.

It would seem that as a first stage, they try to use OTs to engage in psychic warefare, telepathically implanting enemies or whatever. This is so weak and shallow as to be a joke.

Some people in the freezone, including myself, have noticed this, but is is so trivial that everybody shrugs it off with hardly a glance. They really aren't capable of producing OTs that can do anything significant.

But beyond this, when they get desperate, there does seem to be the physical use of black dianetics with an upgraded procedure that includes rape and reverse anti-auditing commands in addition to simple PDH.

Apparantly, adding in sex/rape on top of PDH makes a pleasure-pain syndrom that is effective even on a clear because a clear has only blown the force out of the bank and is not really free from all incident chains or abberations. My experience, after endless hours of trying to run the damn thing out, is that it still has effect even after apparantly being errase because the pleasure/pain bundle causes it to compulsively mockup again at a physical level. The obvious solution is to use affectionate sex to unravel the pleasure/pain hook but that means finding a partner which is damn hard because the incident itself and the black flows it creates tend to make one repulsive to any ordinary 2Ds.

Note that the "pleasure/pain" syndrom is known in hypnotherapy because it comes up in hypnotic drug rape cases. They are not very good at handling it but they do know that it makes posthypnotic commands really stick whereas simple PDH (as described in Dianetics) seems like an unworkable joke to them as far as long term effects go.

Since Ron was well versed in hypnotism, he would have known about this pleasure/pain syndrom even though it is not mentioned in DMSMH.

I would suspect that this one has been used on at least a few of the critics because of the endless rants about Miscaviage buggering people which seem to turn up on ARS. That might well have its roots in some subconscious screaming about it actually having been done by OSA agents. But yet again, I am only guessing here and maybe I've simply gotten carried away with a wild idea.

But it sure seems to me that OSA would have no scruples about using black dianetics, therefore the only real question is what procedure are they actually following in implementing it.
8. WHAT ABOUT ME I'm busy finding my own way out of the trap that they've constructed.

I've gotten endless auditing during the past year. Metered standard tech sessions. Informal sessions. Phone sessions.

Endless solo, both metered and unmetered. Including informal Itsa, it probably adds up to over a thousand hours and includes just about everything you could think of both in standard and alternative metascientological approaches.

And I made tons of gains but its all around the edges and is completely unimportant to me because the deep rooted misery remains totally unhandled.

The OSA implant was completely out of view initially except for some really oddball things around the edges that didn't make any sense. For example, there was a onetime occurance of anal bleeding right afterwards which seemed to me at the time to have had no cause and did not repeat and therefore seemed totally incomprehensible.

At the beginning of January, I posted again despite the implanted orders against it and of course they grabbed me again and repeated the procedure. They had, of course, laid in a command phrase to put me back under again so that it was easy to pick me up subsequent times.

The platen I published was the consistent part of the incident (they got me a total of 3 times and had some sort of command sheet that they used every time). In addition to this were unique commands aimed at me specifically plus background dialogue plus the constant crap on the TV which they turned on purpousfully to fill the incident with additional chatter to hide the contents.

It was loaded with suicide commands among other things and I was fighting those endlessly during the earlier part of this year but I always managed to circumvent them somehow since it did not actually make sense to me analytically.

But that is why my post from January has so much discussion of trying to run out some sort of strange link between sex and suicide.

It wasn't until July that I got my hands on the incident itself and managed to list out that SDH implanted command platen (and I did that very carefully on a meter, everything read cleanly and consistantly).

Running it made a night and day difference in my appearance (people say I look 20 years younger), removed a horrible blackness from around me, turned off a condition of chronic shaking and trembling, and made everything a little bit better.

But running it did not cure me.

The homosexual rape involved still has me absolutely crazy on having to have a woman.

Whenever I try and post, the whole thing turns on again at maximum temporarily, including shaking fits, suicidal urges, and a sexual despiration that is beyond description. I experimented recently with a series of short posts to ACT and the effect is very distinct.

I've also talked about being in the middle age crazies and possibly being addicted to sex as a mechanism for suppressing loss (we never ran loss properly in Scn, it is not handled by going clear). All of that was there before the OSA incident during that six month period after breaking up with my ex-wife.

But it was very low key and I was fairly comfortable and still writing and posting and expecting that a good 2D would show up eventually. So those are my own case and somatics, but the intensity level was trivial, just like that of many guys who hit fifty and have a divorce etc.

What the OSA incident did is to jack up the volume and intensity of that to the point of total daily misery where there has not been one day, in fact hardly one hour during the last year where I did not feel totaly miserable and despirate on the sexual line. Think of the usual horny needy guy and then imagine that raised in intensity by ten or a hundred to one so that it seems like a continual tidal wave that smashes over you. Just endless feelings of loss, dispair, and abandonment.

I have not been able to cure that, and at this point I think that only affectionate sex will (and affection is essential or else I'll be pulled the other way, dramatizing the horror of the incident instead of clearing it out of my system).

But the whole thing makes a catch-22 because the terrible needyness and the heavy key-in interfears with finding anybody.

I have not wanted to talk about this publicly until now.

It seemed to me that it would just be too horribly depressing to the freezone, but I can't go on like this and it seemed to me that I had to let people know what really happened before I left the playing field completely.

The few people that I have talked to privately about this have been good enough to keep this secret up until now at my request. I have recieved a lot of aid and support, and it is unfortunate that neither processing nor good wishes have been enough to carry me through this successfully.

I don't think that anyone, even those close to me, have really understood how bad its been this year. A night and day shift from being a major player to becoming a broken piece lying on the battlefield.

Now I must ask all of your forgiveness for withdrawing from the field. There is no way for me to continue effectively. The future rests in your hands.
9. MY PLANS FOR A CURE I think that I've found a way out for myself.

The whole Pilot business and Scientology and research and posting to the net are just loaded and messed up with endless hypnotic commands implanted by OSA.

And they want me to kill myself.

So I'm going to do a symbolic suicide of the Pilot identity while continuing to live on in a happier role that will get me through this.

I found out recently that I can get sideways of the sexual misery and perhaps attract some women by playing the piano.

In fact I did a gig at a beauty pagent recently and it was just great, attracting lots of female admiration.

So my new role in life will be to become a romantic pianist and attractive figure who can have women easily.

The Pilot is dead.

Long live Ken the musician.

God bless and best to all of you.

I did not want to leave without telling you the full story.
Love, Ken formerly The Pilot ------------------ The free Self Clearing Book, The Super Scio book, and the
"SCIENTOLOGY REFORMER'S HOME PAGE" are all over the net.
See The Self Clearing Homepage for URLs to these sites
http://fza.org/pilot/selfclr.htm Or see The Pilots Home Page at http://fza.org/pilot/index.htm Some translations are available, see links at fza.org Also see the new www.fzint.org website.

See the Pilot Archives at FZA.ORG.
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