I just had to share this, although I will refrain from mentioning the name of the individual involved and will not respond to any guesses people have unless this person wants to come on here and have a discussion with me (I have dared her to). It's a rather chilling example of how long Scn programming lasts with some people. This person was one of the more gung-ho SO members who meted out ethics actions with great gusto and I had been one of her targets. She ended up leaving the organization in the late 70s so she's been out for almost as long as I have. I've run into many like her over the years and my experience, up until now has been that when I meet people who are out of the CofS, they have proven themselves to be decent, compassionate people who just got caught up in the cult situation and took on the role of abuser. It's amazing how different most people are, once they're out of the SO environment. That was not the case with this person, though.

Here it was, 28 years later and exactly the same personality who meted out the ethics actions wrote me this e-mail. She ranted and raved about me, very upset that I had mentioned her name (along with the names of many others) in "My Nine Lives in Scientology" (my description of her didn't fit the image she had wanted to create for herself elsewhere) and the e-mail was full of Scientology jargon. She called me a "PC Butcher" just as she had done when she took part in the ethics abuse she engaged in earlier. She seemed unaware of the fact that the reason I had been brought to the Apollo in the first place was at the request of Mary Sue Hubbard after a PC of mine who was in the GO had given Mary Sue glowing praise about me as an auditor and that I had received a personal commendation as an auditor from LRH. My continuous ethics trouble came about because I refused to become an SO slave and spoke up when I saw things I didn't like or if someone tried to run my life.

Oh well, this was far in the past for me, but when I received that e-mail I realized that the relationship I had with this person was standing still in time, replaying itself with one important exception: I was no longer in a position where I had to put up with any of her nonsense. She can't assign me treason; she can't put me through a ridiculous ceremony where I have to stab a PC folder; there is nothing at all she can do to me any longer. Oh boy did I ever let her have it and I have to admit that it felt great to let her know that she no longer intimidated me or had any power over me. We're both on a highly moderated list serv where her attacks on me wouldn't be allowed, but I dared her to come onto an unmoderated forum such as this one and have it out with me. I doubt that she will, though because to me she appears to be full of bravado with very little actual courage to face her past and what she had done to people in the name of her guru, who she still cannot stand to see criticized. It takes real courage to admit to having made a mistake that resulted in the waste of years of ones life following a quack guru or at least admitting to having engaged in behavior that was less than admirable while in the cult and many ex-Scientologists have faced up to this. Not this person.

The most amusing part was that she accused me of being a verbose BSer who just said the words but didn't practice what I preached. Apparently she had me confused with her dead guru. As amusing as parts of her e-mail was, it was also sad and rather chilling how much of the programming was still in place with this person, 28 years later. I guess the Scn SO personality is a more natural fit for some people than others. As for me, I never did fit in.

Monica

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