(originally written for ACT) As we move into the next millenium, it occurs to me that once spaceflight gets really popular, we will encounter all sorts of Alien life forms and, as the Universe is pretty big, some of these aliens might look like the creatures in. . . say. . .

Star Trek. . So, just to be on the safe side, I have compiled a short list of tipz n' trix for that happy day when you, the Auditor, take your first Star Trek alien into session.

PAKLED'S As Trekkies know, the Pakleds are a bit dim. In fact they are thicker than a bucket of congealed wallpaper paste and too stupid to run normal processes so I suggest you try "Think a thought". (Handy Hint: Be prepared for long comm-lag's.

Pakled's are slow thinkers) THE BORG Auditing the Borg present's the Auditor with a wide choice of processes to use. You can see that they are stuffed with implants and the Collective should respond well to NOTS as a cluster handling. In addition, the Borg try to aid all beings towards reaching perfection by. . err. . . assimilating them, so running 'Failed Help' might be productive too. They are known to be very very receptive to Group Processing (Handy Hint: Adapt a well known Pilot Process and ask the Borg Drone to "Point to the species you divided from") THE PROPHETS This lot live in a wormhole near Bajor and have absolutely no idea about what time is. You can waste day's trying to explain the UCP commands to them. (Handy Hint: Forget it. . . audit someone else).

FERENGI These shifty little blighters respond well to a confessional based on the 'Rules of Aquisition', you know. . . stuff like "Have you ever been honest?" and "Have you ever failed to rip somebody off?" Book and Bottle works well if you captivate the Ferengi's interest by replacing the book n' bottle with valuable objects instead. (Handy Hint: Make SURE you get the valuable objects back at session end).

JEM HADAR/FOUNDERS The 'No Drugs' rule is suspended in the case of Ketracel White.

(Handy Hint: Don't use 'Hand Mimicry' processes on the Founders. . . they get carried away with the mimicry bit).

VULCANS Don't expect VGI's from Vulcans, the valid EP is a slightly raised eyebrow and a muttered "Fascinating". (Handy Hint:

Vulcans are very good at TR-0) KLINGONS Klingons are naturally aggressive so the old 'Fight the wall' process works utter wonders on them and produces bucketloads of case gain. (Handy Hint: Make them leave their Disruptor pistols in reception unless you enjoy paying large renovation bills) So there you have it, you are now equipped to audit any Star Trek aliens you may encounter exept for the Romulans. . . who are all SP's anyway.

Sarah

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