I've been meaning for some time to share what kind of person I was pre-$cientology, during $cientology, and post-$cientology. I thought people might find it interesting.

PRE -

I grew up in small towns in north Texas, in places where people didn't lock their doors and folks looked out for each other. The only drawback (other than fighting poverty) was racism, but it wasn't something I adopted. I had my share of fistfights in school (not that much) but in general I was a congenial guy who got along with everyone except bullies (which I never was) and I went out of my way to help others who I thought were less fortunate than myself.

After elementary and high school I attended some college and had the same general attitude toward people. The only thing that changed that was alienation against my parents' generation over the Vietnam war, but even then I wasn't a sign-carrying protester, and not draft dodger or draft card burner.

Unfortunately, I became a bit of a hippie for less than a year and that messed up my head. In conjunction with disenchantment about the state of the world and a deep desire to understand what made people tick, I began looking into alternate religions. I had nothing to do with drugs as I began my search for truth.

A short line in a book about religions that said $cientology was the fastest-growing religion on the west coast of the U.S. caused me to look into it.

Sadly, I formed the opinion that L. Ron Humbug might be the wise father I wished I'd had. I fell for his line of lies, thought he had distilled what worked spiritually from all the religions of the world, come up with his own stuff, and so I became involved with the organization in Austin, Texas.

This led to my joining a section of the Lurch of $cientology's Celebrity Center in Los Angeles, which was run by Yvonne Jentzsch, a former kindergarten teacher from Australia who reminded me of the "Bippity Boppity Boo" fairy godmother in the Walt Disney "Cinderella" cartoon. I "went places" with my friendly, outgoing personality and willingness to work very hard doing what I thought was helping people. That lasted for about 10 months as I began to learn how vicious and vindictive $cientologists could be toward one another. I was promoted to Treasury Secretary of "Axioms Productions," a for-profit advertising agency staffed by Celebrity Center "Sea Org" members who were lucky to eat every day and got $5 a week spending money if we were lucky. I studied "policies" written by Elround Humbug that included sentiments like "always attack, never defend" and that taught me to lie to creditors about due payments and how to yell at people and accuse them of crimes if necessary. In short, I was taught to do anything but respect the society in which I lived, and how to be aggressively antagonistic toward people who complained about your offensive actions or shunning of agreed-upon responsibilities. On the "enlightenment" side (the $cientology processing and training), I was similary schooled to believe that, because I was a "superior being" who should rule over the vast unwashed "wogs" (a word used constantly by Elround Humbug, the Flounder of $cientology) in the world, it was only a matter of time before $cientology prevailed and I would be recognized as a master of the human race.

Although this was antithetical to my very nature and my upbringing, I was always so orientated toward helping others, I became slowly convinced that this was the way to do it.

And I began to lose the "common touch" that helpful people have, considering everyone who comes across their path equally without thoughts of social or racial heirarchy.

This first sojourn with $cientology lasted about 10 months until I was blamed for the financial failure of Axioms Productions, and for yelling at an executive or two who asked completely unrealistic things of me under the guise of "make it go right." Though the organization was inept at the top and had tens of thousands of dollars of unpaid debts when I took over its treasury, it was deemed I was an ultimate evil.

In other words, someone to blame.

Shortly after I left, Axioms Productions folded, but in the almost a year in which I was gone (back to Texas), I again found people to be genuinely friendly and helpful, and that the most uptight and unrealistic people I met were members of the Austin, Texas Lurch of $cientology.

Nevertheless, I ignored this and fell for Yvonne Jentzsch's request that I come back to work for her. So I did that for four and a half years and again, through similar methods as I've mentioned above, my happy personality began taking on nasty edges, and at one point I began thinking that a person underneath me on the staff structure was a "suppressive person" and the reason the section was failing for a month.

It was the first time in $cientology that I caught myself and thought "What am I doing, thinking like this and saying these things?" The person in question was a quiet, if somewhat befuddled lady whose job it was to write letters of recruitment.

Nevertheless, the section I ran was the best of the organization. The central files were completely up-to-date, and so was the address area. I ran it according to the policy written by Elround Humbug, and (much more heavily emphasized) common sense. Even when I was personally attacked by Yvonne Jentzsch (whom I had observed growing increasingly less fairy godmother-like) in front of the staff, I held my ground and stayed fairly happy). Occasionally, I would pull off some stunt that amazed my fellow staff members, like arranging to go backstage at Paul McCartney's "Wings Over America" concert and going to the $250,000 party the band threw after the concerts were over (with some help of Spanky Taylor and Chick Corea).

Then came the vast purge of executives in the Pacific area when Elround Humbug needed his new purchase, the former Cedars of Lebanon hospital which is now "the Complex" renovated. I along with many other capable people were suddenly adjudged to be ultimately evil and told that I had two choices: (a) go work in $cientology's gulag; or (b) be kicked out of $cientology forever. While in the gulag, I saw people I had admired berate themselves in the worst way, turn into quivering imbeciles. I worked in conditions not fit for a coal miner, and when I finally left, I was told I had to sign a document waiving the Lurch of $cientology from all responsibility, and that I would never say anything to anyone about what had happened in the gulag, or I would be (a) kicked out of $cientology forever, and (b) have to pay $cientology $50,000.

Fortunately, I knew they were breaking the law doing this, so I wasn't worried about it.

Still, I felt like I should stay friendly to $cientology because I had been grooved into having no friends other than $cientologists and thus I had almost nowhere to turn when I left the staff.

The previous time I had been summarily kicked out after working my butt off for nothing, I had arrived in Austin, Texas with $5 in my pocket yet managed to find a place to live and get a job, making it totally on my own without any welfare of any kind.

This time, I had even less money, but again -- in vast Los Angeles -- I managed to put myself on my feet.

And a few months later -- evil former staff person that $cientology wanted me to think I was -- I went on a game show and won over $14,000 in cash and prizes. And this after years of being told to not watch TV and read newspapers by the biggest blowhard of them all, Elround Humbug.

Suddenly, I was an OK person to the folks at Celebrity Center -- they wanted my money. Why? Well, despite years of making almost no money and often eating nothing but rice and beans every day, they declared I owed them over $25,000 in a "staff debt" for services I received.

Sound crazy? Sound like Nazis? You got that right.

And meanwhile, Yvonne Jentzsch had been canned from the Celebrity Center she started by the evil creep Elround Humbug, and she was fumbling through various alternate ideas like the "Public Relations Organization." Not long after that, she was dead from a brain tumor, after years of trying to make it on a few hours' sleep a night.

This for the person who supposedly nursed Elround Humbug back to health after his great "discovery" of Oatee Three and his breaking through the "wall of fire." Did he come to her rescue? Did he come to her funeral?

Ha. That wasn't his personality.

Before long, someone saw the light and "forgave" a lot of people like me who had debts. Maybe it was because so many people were telling the Lurch and Humbug they were full of crap about these "debts"?

Once again, I fell for it. I'd paid some of my "debt" and some was "forgiven." I once again became active with the Lurch and once again I was very popular with most people except of course, staff who had remained and suppressed their own creative lives and were jealous of me because I began to achieve my original life-long aims of success as a writer.

There was a point where a successful writer/director I was working with would no longer meet with me at a local $cientology hangout called "NY George" near "the Complex" (where I'd worked in the gulag). Why not?

Because we were constantly interrupted by people who came up to me to say hello, because they liked me and I liked them.

Still, there were changes coming. After I broke up with a girlfriend who was both an Oatee Three and an alcoholic (so much for super $cientology), she tried to commit suicide. I found out she'd tried that a number of times, after boyfriends left. I tried to get her help, including getting her to do the Narco-nohelp-non drug "handling"

program. Shortly after she finished that program, she did commit suicide, and this greatly depressed me.

Finally, $cientology and the brainwashing of Elround Humbug got to me. I was convinced I was a bad person. I spent the next three years doing "ethics" training and began to counsel others in ethics. I learned to be a "security checker." I became cynical and prideful in my cynical view of society and others -- something I had noticed was a predominant personality trait of "top" $cientology "executives."

In short, I took on the evil, vicious personality of the Flounder of $cientology himself, Elround Humbug.

And that's what he wanted -- he couldn't deal with his own utter psychosis, so he tried to foist it off on the world, to make everyone the utter coward, greedy creep that he was, under the guise of "Mankind's greatest friend."

Finally, thanks to the grace of God and the best woman I've ever met (who got some helpful input from people who read this newsgroup), I left $cientology. That was around a decade ago.

It's been difficult, and I've never sought any kind of psychological counseling, but I've finally returned to being the congenial and helpful person that I was originally, pre-$cientology. I have friends all over the world, and I help people on a daily basis. I'm not getting rich doing it, and my helping has caused my own writing to suffer, but I'm happy with what I'm doing with my life.

So for anyone reading this who wonders about $cientology, if you've read this far in my story, just know this one simple truth --

IF YOU PERSIST IN $CIENTOLOGY, YOU WILL INEVITABLY BECOME AN UNCARING, COLD PSYCHOPATH OF A PERSON TOWARD MOST OF THE HUMAN RACE.

Oh, it might seem otherwise. You'll find people with whom you can commune who share your prejudices about "wogs" (people not in $cientology); you'll be cheerful with them and you'll find your conversations inevitably include "so where are you on the Bridge?"

But to most of society, those not involved in Elround Humbug's evil "religion" you will be akin to a psychopath, interested in their converting to your "cause" or their failing to exist. You'll actually think things like that, believe me.

If you are interested in the improvement of life on Earth and you are in $cientology, leave now. Your friends out here are legion. Your "friends"

within the organization -- should you leave -- are completely non-existent.

If I can help you leave the cult, you can email me from my Website - I'm tired of the spam I get from addresses harvested from Usenet.

--

False pundits, deluded, saying nothing but words, speaking as much as they like:

What leads them on they don't know.

-- Buddha

All the best,

Skip Press, the Duke of URL and The Sum of All Hollywood Fears at http://home.earthlink.net/~skippress/

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