I almost began to fall for scientology a little over a year ago and decided to do some very extensive research, making sure to view both sides of the spectrum. Of course it didn't take me long to realize what it was, and shortly thereafter I found an immense mixture of sadness & anger that I had never felt before for Scientology & Ron Hubbard, as I could tell exactly what he was doing & why.

As with me, Hubbard has a way with words and emotion to control others, either in a negative or positive way, however he felt at the moment. He had both positive and negative personalities and ways of relating and rationalizing both's views. He was a strange looking, inteligent man with eccentric tastes his entire life, which made his childhood full of taunts & unhappiness, so a hatred for people in general was born in those ever-so-important developing years, so its not that hard to think of him taking advantage of an ability to control, profit from, or "get back" at the very same type seeking for easy answers as he got older. I went through a similar phase in my teens and very early 20's when i transformed from a lanky, thin pale nerd to a decent looking, intelligent smooth talker. I controlled girls, sometimes having a few girlfriends at once, and all the while feeling good about myself thinking I was a "ladies man", always knowing it was kind of bad but also thinking of myself as a positive romantic becuase I made them "feel loved" and even thought of them as the lucky ones. That's what people don't realize: manipulators rarely start out thinking they will ever get as deep into their image as they do; their lies turn into lies.

In this case, it is almost too obvious. We are talking about a professional fictional storyteller who created an entire false life, and it only got easier the farther he went and the more response he received. There is no doubt in my mind he believed over half of his own bullshit, which is very common, as one belief stems another, whether true or false, that is human nature. In a strange way, I can still understand why he did not feel sorry for those he used, as he felt it was their fault for being so easily deceived before probably eventually deceiving himself. You hear something enough times by enough people, you will believe it, ESPECIALLY when you want to believe it. In his mind he was no worse than christ charging to start a "church", the only difference being he was no Christ. (im not christian)

However, I have grown in the last years, actually having a true natural self-discoveryy that happens when people begin to learn listen and eventually find themselves, probably similar to the feeling Scientology induces during auditing simply by making the person focus inward and thus "convincing" them it was Scientology instead of themselves.

That is the entire core or the CoS's continuing existance, find the people who are still looking and have not learned how to truly listen to or find themselves. You can see this in their hatred of the mental field, the recruiting of people on their way up or down (celebs, doctors, addicts, etc), their huge legal team & intense paranoia, etc.

I cannot help but feel the intensely hidden pain of Scientologists, it is truly the most disturbing thing I have encountered first hand, and it deeply upsets me personally. The vast level of stability and influence this group has has had to be the biggest shock of my life, as I never would think an organization like this could exist. To exploit someone's belief/soul/whatever is the deepest crime i can think of, whether they believe it has helped or not. The time I spoke of almost getting into Scientology, I was coming off of drugs and believed the group could help me with this, but red flags flew as I realized money was expected, and that sounds like elitism instead of humanitarianism to me.

Then I began to communicate with Scientologists, and im sorry, but you can stare at me as hard as you want, smile & touch all you want, but I know all of you are ignoring and hiding from a big part of yourself inside, and I see it every time now. I have had to talk to some scientologist friends for only a couple of hours, some for months, but they always confirm my suspicions and some even leave the "church" shortly after. However, most feel controlled by a mixture of being in too deep or for too long, WANTING to believe it and the fear of losing that yearn for something, and wanting to help/support/be there for their fellow Scientologists. That makes me sick, becuase most of those people ARE good people, and that ""church"" really does teach so many negative things, and they just wont look at it. Especially the hate they teach for any opposition, how can you believe there are only a select few and you are it??? Do you not understand there have been thousands and thousands of Hubbards and "select fews" over the course of the last 10,000 years, and that EVERY ONE of those few believed they were feeling it for the first time?? That they were the first to be right and all the past was not even real? YOU ARE ALL BATTLING AN INNER STRUGGLE OF "truth vs. conviction" and your the ONLY ones who think the rest cant see that.

I suppose the most obvious evidence of their weakness is their lack of education and information and yet having such strong convictions, especially in the face of truth. By every ex-scientologist i know, they all say they are taught that, and always ay it in a way that you can tell they are ashamed at how blind they were. I cannot imagine the pain & self-embarassment of having such an intense discovery in such a short time so much later in life than most.

My most important advice: It is all inside of you from the beginning, everything you need, and if you look hard enough, you'll realize it feels better helping others find/know that rather than dedicating your life to a group and looking at everything in a selfish, B&W fashion.

Go Back