Magoo Healing April, 2001 Many people have commented on how quickly I have healed and recovered after leaving the cult of scientology after 30 YEARS.

I would like to post the things I feel have most helped me in this recovery, as for sure it is way more than my actions alone.

First off, on December 31, 1999 I put myself in the hands of a higher power, and agreed to do whatever was needed to utilize my life better.

At the time I was still in Scientology, and had no idea where this would take me.

But I had listened to enough people speak on TV, and many very successful and happy people, and each one said somehow they had realized there was in fact a higher power helping them.

Next, I met a bunch of people known as "critics" on the Internet, and I spent some time "fighting" with these people I thought were bad. One in particular I thought to be the devil, turned out to be one of my very best friends. How things change when you allow your life to unfold as it is designed to.

When I finally woke up and realized these were NOT bad people (as I had been told for years and years) but in fact were very good people, I decided to leave what I thought was "my church".

Suddenly most of these critics and x-scios turned against me, thinking (rightfully so at that time) that I must be working for OSA, as no one had left like I had. Now many people might have given up this group at that time, as they were pretty harsh with me, However, I had a few other wonderful things happen.

One, my friend who I thought was the devil, stuck with me entirely throughout this phase where I was clarifying to people what actually DID happen to me, and what led up to this leaving (which was quite extensive). This was an enormous help, as he is quite logical and extremely caring and kind.

Two, some friends of mine in Florida invited me to just come there and rest. Now again, these were the people I had been told were some of the very worst people, and you have to understand this mind control is deep. So to go against that and go see them took some courage. In fact I must say, this whole thing takes courage, for anyone involved here.

The Scientologists reading this will laugh, but the truth is, you are still owned by this rag tag group of mafia men pretending to care. I am free, as are my friends. Sure, many do have their own problems and downfalls, as do most people (except Scientogists who think they are Clear, and OT, as their health and lives fall apart). But these friends are free from mind control and traps you are so fleeced by, you don't even see them~ This group in Florida consists of Bob Minton, Stacy Brooks, Jessie Prince, and Mark Bunker, as well as the LMT staff there. They each were a tremendous help and support to me daily, hourly and often by the minute. I was extremely concerned they were going to make me do things for them (part of the propaganda). Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Honestly, to this day, they have NEVER asked me to do a thing. They offered a safe space for me, and I grew daily within it.

Three, I had the great good fortune of getting to become friends with many X-scientologists and critics (people fighting for freedom of speech, who are really only here because Scientology tried to cancel covertly a newsgroup on the Internet, and people around the world stood up and said, "Not on my watch!") I had gotten to know many of these people while "In" Scientology on the Internet (not for scientology, but while still in. I had just gotten on the computer, and something kept me there. OSA had removed my "net nanny" a few years ago (*their software they covertly install on members computers so they can NEVER see anything critical of Scientology). As a result, I had the ability to go talk with these people, as well as the clearance.

Previously, I had been working with their secret police (see www.lermanet.com/toryonosa.htm) and although this was a separate OSA group, and I was later the ED of what is known as The Scientology Parishioners League, now I was just me on ARS, talking from my dining room with these people. Actually let me clarify that for all concered.

This is a basic, general sketch in the order of occurrences:

A) Mid 1990's Bill Yaude came over and removed my" net nanny" and asked me to just cruise the net and see if I could find any OT materials. It was then that I found Andreas at www.xenu.net. Although I never spoke with him, I took note and to me due to the volume of "bad things" he had on Scientology, I personally considered Andreas to like the devil, if there was one. Now today this same person is one of my very best friends~!

B) Late 1990's Bill asked me to open one account, and told me after "Tory, you have changed the history of the Internet". This ISP was on Wilshire Blvd. in LA. Not knowing much about computers, I had no idea what he was talking about really, and didn't find out really until I left Scientology what effect it actually had.

C) In 1998 - I was asked to join this secret group within OSA, as a volunteer (all of this was volunteer). We were to open up secret accounts, and I was not told what they were doing with them, but Bill promised me "it was ALL totally legal". Bill being one of my best friends as well as my "auditor" (someone who counsels you) as well as Gavino who was "high up" in OSA International promising me all was legal, I said OK. I had to sign a paper saying I would never tell any public, staff, ethics officers, auditors, etc etc or have to pay some enormous fee. I even asked my auditor, as this seemed very odd, but he promised all was fine.

D) I was sent to various cities to open up accounts (see www.lermanet.com/toryonosa.htm.)

E) I put together quickly that this was spamming and I quit this group. (see part 7 of my OSA series above).

F) In 1999 Janet Weiland, The VP of C of S and OSA INT asked me to come be the ED of a group set up to work with the media. It turned out their purpose was to be like the Jewish Anti-Defamation league (ADL).

Our purpose was to handle any "Black PR in the media". I was the Ed of this group until a few nights before I left for Florida, to stay with Stacy.

G) One thing you have to understand is that in OSA, they always keep it where the right hand has no clue what the left hand is doing. So while I was helping as the ED, of SPL, I also was more and more in communication with these people "from the other side of the fence" so to speak, from my home. This was something I did all by myself, and no one knew I was doing this. I was not reporting to anyone, and as any critic will tell you, I was a bit nuts at this point. I was on days, nights and week-ends, to the point where I think I hold the record of the most posts on ARS at one time period. I didn't talk to any of my friends during this time, which is unusual for me. I later realized I was transforming, and didn't want anyone to stop me.

If you have ever seen The Truman Show, that is what happened to me.

Andreas helped me walk over to the wall, and with the help of many others, I was finally able to "see the wall" for what it was. This was a shocking and extremely sad realization for me, as I knew it entailed losing ALL of my 30 year friends, which it has. However, I never realized just how conditional they were. IF I did what they like, they are my friends, If not, forget it! As Andreas said to me, "Tory, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I have to ask you, what kind of friends can those be if they are going to leave you because you change your mind?" That was the final crack in the show for me.

H) Even up to two nights before I left I met with Janet Weiland (VP of OSA INT) and she told me, "Tory, we have to get the stats up for SPL". I told her, "well, I am working on an Internet project", She just said, "OK" and left it at that! She never even asked, and I knew she wouldn't, from the thing I had signed! But my project was just me, in my home, talking with all of the critics and x-scios, and those who helped me at that time. Many, as I said, were against me (and rightfully so) but the ones who stuck with me I owe my life to, truly, This also even includes all those who were against me, too. For each one spoke truths to me, and made me see more and more at what I really had been a part of. They helped force me to LOOK, something I had not been able to do fully for 30 years.

This group has helped more with me healing than probably anything else. Each and every person who has written to me, talked with me, shared their feelings had been an enormous help. They were TOTALLY worth fighting for, and I did feel like I had to fight for their friendship. They don't take Ex-OSA people easily, and it took me many months until people really realized who I am. However, each time I clarified something for them, it made it clearer for me! I am still going through this process, but it has escalated my healing greatly.

I talk with these friends every day, and although some people (probably OSA) have written advising me to "get off of the Internet"

and "take a break", it is BECAUSE of the Internet and this close international connection that has helped me heal so quickly. I don't think many people can get the real idea of how torturous it is to have every single person you know turn against you, but it is devastating.

ALL who left prior to me had to spend months, many years all alone, trying to figure out what happened, where do I go from here, etc.

These people had and have courage that is unknown to most, and I thank each and every one for doing what they have done.

I) In my own town, there is a small group of people who have been tremendously kind and supportive of me. They do not want me to mention their names, but each one knows who they are. To say thanks is miles from coming near to how I feel.

There are also some friends who have stayed in touch via the phone, and each of you I thank dearly. Hearing a real voice can mean so much when one is going through something like this!

Also, I have been utterly shocked at the kindness of all the people Scientology so cattily calls "wogs" (anyone NOT a Scientologist) They always say it as a put down, although they will deny this utterly. I have been out 8 months and I have yet to meet ONE person who is not thrilled I left, and many have their own horror stories about Scientology. "Congratulations!" is often voiced.

Lastly, many women have offered me extremely kind advice that I will never forget, and it has helped me greatly get through this time.

J) Another huge healing factor is daily I have continued to write up what has occurred while in the cult. Again, a great part of this was because of my friends who were asking. As a result, I would have to look and see, "what DID happen there". But for me, posting it publicly has been very therapeutic. One of the standard things in a cult is one feels guilty and like he or she cannot tell anyone. It is the person's entire fault. Scientology loves to put down "victims"

although their top execs just went into court saying what victims they were of someone expressing his Freedom of Speech. So it is used however they need to, for their advantage.

As a result of this, at first I didn't even feel like I could say anything. But in clarifying what really happened to me, I began with an article called, "Magoo's worst Nightmare" (which you can find at www.xenu.net/archive/personal_story/tory/ under affidavit.

So that was the beginning. Once I wrote that, although extremely personal, it was SO healing to say it, and post it. I wasn't even sure if it would help anyone, but I just knew I needed to start telling the truth. Suddenly, I got e-mails from all over the world with people thanking me, congratulating me, etc. It has been wonderful to be able to help people. Many just write and tell me my courage alone has helped them! Amazing, but true. Your support, again, has been a tremendous help to me.

There's my A-J Scientology! (A-J is steps you can take to get back in Scientology or is that the different steps of PTS)? Well, call it what you will as you always do, it is my story, and my steps to healing!

So you see, Magoo HAS healed possibly faster than anyone else, however it has been because I have had and have a group, literally from around the world, who is helping me out of this ever so deep trap. It is a group effort, and we are making History! Yaude was right, but not because of how he thought. He thought the spamming would, and it probably has. But that is a negative, and I don't like to be known for negatives.

The positive of this is we are setting a new path for any of the people trapped in ANY cult, to get out safely, happily, and peacefully. All they need is the Internet and some friends from anywhere in the world who are willing to help them. I call it International HOPE. A kind man in Norway held my hand and helped as I walked over to the wall! Many, from around the world, help me daily. I thank each and every one of you, daily and hourly for your help.

Some may say this is corny. I do not care. If I can help one other person realize they too can leave, and without all of the isolation and pain others earlier had to endure, it is worth being laughed at.

I want to thank my mother and father for giving me the gift of courage I display daily. They and a team of angels, along with my friends from all over the world, have made this possible.

May this A-J help more people realize they too can get out and get out happily, and with friendship. Also, these friends are unlike what most in cults know of as friends; these are unconditional friends. I never knew that before, and it is a delight and honor to say these people are my friends. Thank each of you, and God bless!

Tory Christman Bezazian
Aka: Magoo~dancing in the moonlight~
In for 30 YEARS
Out for 8 months
SP 5
Free at Last~~ (for more info see www.xenu.net/archive/personal_story/tory/ or www.lermanet.com/toryonosa.htm or www.lisatrust.net)

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