A lot of people ask me, "Should I join Scientology or just buy one of those snazzy retro Vespa scooters I see all over the place?" Here are some tips that will help you decide which is best for you.

Vespa Scooter: Popular from Hollywood to Rome Scientology: Popular in Hollywood, unpopular in Germany

Vespa Scooter: Attracts chicks Scientology: Drives people away

Vespa Scooter: Seen in masterpieces of cinema like La Dolce Vita Scientology: Battlefield Earth? Bowfinger? Vanilla Sky?

Vespa Scooter: Italian mechanical reliability Scientology: Not even as reliable as something made in Italy

Vespa Scooter: Retro chic 60s look Scientology: E-meter has ugly early 80s look, as do most members

Vespa Scooter: Fill at any gas station Scientology: Must seek out special "missions" to get full of that crap

Vespa Scooter: Will actually get you across a bridge Scientology: Nuff said

From: Michael Reuss <michaelreuss@attbi.com>
Subject: Re: Join Scientology or buy a Vespa scooter?
Organization: International Association of Afghanistani Party Dance Instructors
Message-ID: <fa9gou8e72641s6k50v1m45rmds1mg1el1@4ax.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 07:07:11 GMT

> max1919@yahoo.com (Max Nineteennineteen) wrote:

>A lot of people ask me, "Should I join Scientology or just buy one of
>those snazzy retro Vespa scooters I see all over the place?" Here are
>some tips that will help you decide which is best for you.

>Vespa Scooter: Popular from Hollywood to Rome
>Scientology: Popular in Hollywood, unpopular in Germany

>Vespa Scooter: Attracts chicks
>Scientology: Drives people away

.. Very nice. Might I add a few?

Vespa Scooter: Stylish and fun.

Scientology: Dress up in pretend navy uniform and scream "GET YOUR FUCKING STATS UP!"

Vespa Scooter: Goes wherever there's a road.

Scientology: Gets you to pretend you're flying to the Van Allen belt.

Vespa Scooter: Costs $2K to $5K, and comes with two wheels and a motor.

Scientology: Costs $360,000.00, and once you get home, you're not exactly sure what you've bought.

Vespa Scooter: Gets 80 mpg.

Scientology: Gets 80 engrams per WDAH (God help you if you "get" this joke here).

Vespa Scooter: Carl Sagen drove one during the filming of "Cosmos."

Scientology: Your friends will KR you for watching "Cosmos."

Vespa Scooter: Wind in your hair.

Scientology: Small breeze in your face when people clap at portrait of L. Ron Hubbard.

Vespa Scooter: Exhilarating Scientology: EPF.

Vespa Scooter: Liberating.

Scientology: RPF.

Vespa Scooter: Almost a motorcycle.

Scientology: Almost a religion.

Vespa Scooter: Kick it, and it starts.

Scientology: Kick it, and it kicks back harder and nastier.

Vespa Scooter: Makes a cute little putt-putt sound.

Scientology: Shudders you into silence.

Vespa Scooter: Admittedly needs some maintenance and occasional tinkering.

Scientology: Claims it's perfect and can never be changed.

Vespa Scooter: Inspires brand loyalty.

Scientology: Brainwashes in the brand loyalty.

Vespa Scooter: Comes in lots of fun colors.

Scientology: Only one color matters... green.

Michael Reuss Honorary Kid

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