You might be a scientologist if you have 5 copies of dianetics with 1 copy you are not allowed to read and don't know why
You might be a scientologist if your parents send you $20 for your birthday and the org knows about it before you, because they give you a receipt that adds it to you auditing account.
You might be a scientologist if your day starts with swabbing the deacks with cold water and no cleaner
You might be a scientologist if you'd like to get a meatball sub but cant afford it unless you save for it in secret
You might be a scientologist if your wife wants to blow and you write up KR sending her to clean toilets in the super power building