Dear Creationist,

We who follow conventional science appreciate your zeal and commitment in desiring to show us the errors of evolution. However, it has been our experience that the vast majority of challengers such as yourself are woefully unequipped for this endeavor. So in order to save us all some time and grief, and to keep you from making an utter fool of yourself, we have prepared this text to help you out.

Step 1: Do you know anything at all about evolution? (you'd be surprised how many creationists don't) Please answer the following yes or no questions:

1. Does evolution rely entirely on randomness?

2. Does evolution violate the 2nd law of thermodynamics?

3. Does evolution say anything about the origin of life?

4. Does evolution say anything about the origin of the universe?

5. Does evolution deny the existance of God?

6. Does evolution proceed from simplicity to complexity?

7. Does evolution proceed from lower to higher lifeforms?

8. Does evolution incorporate the notion of progress?

9. Does evolution have any moral consequences?

10. Does evolution stipulate any political attitudes?

11. Is evolution incompatible with any major religion?

12. Is it true that their are no transitional forms?

Step 2: Scoring. Count up the number of times you answered "yes". If this number is zero, proceed to step 3. Otherwise slam your head against the wall as many times as you answered "yes" and go back to step 1.

Step 3: Materials. Do you have any materials authored by members of the ICR? If so throw them away. Use them here and you will be held responsible for the baltant lies and stupidity in them.

Step 4: Conventional Science Quotes. Are you planning to present quotes from conventional scientists that seem to express disagreement with evolution? If so, make sure that you have them from the original sources and that they are quoted in full and in context. If you have misquotes and typical creationist butcher jobs, you will be destroyed without mercy.

Step 5: Creationist Quotes. If you have quotes from creationists, they'd better be supported. And if the creationists claim educational or scientific backgrounds, degrees, titles, and such, you'd better check them and make sure they are accurate. If we catch you quoting liars, we will treat you as a liar yourself.

Step 6: Anecdotes. If you have stories of things that you think bolster your case, be prepared to cite verifiable specifics. Be assured that you will be checked up on.

Step 7: Faqs. This newsgroup has some wonder faq files available. Read them. Carefully. All the way through.

Step 8: Congratulations, you are ready to argue against evolution. Please state your first objection.