Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: dennis.l.erlich@support.com
Subject: PRESS RELEASE - CHURCH CO
Message-ID: <9509230917.0D1MX00@support.com>
Organization: L.A. Valley College Public BBS (818)985-7150
X-Mailer: TBBS/PIMP v3.35
Distribution: world
Date: Sat, 23 Sep 95 09:17:10 -0700
Lines: 76


              * nice to have the old Trout back *

              +---------------------------------+

million@grubby.wognet.con (Andy Million)

>Hi, everybody!  Andy Million here!  No, I'm not Andy Milne.  NOT!
>I am (not) Andrew Milne!  There.  Let's get crackin'.
>
>Mistress Kelena has commanded that I write to you to give you an
>update on the many good things that have been happening with
>respect to Scientology.  She also commands that I dispel some
>of the unfortunate disinformation that has been spread here by
>some of the haters and bigots on this newsgroup.  She has promised
>me that if I do well, she will let me slather my body with Vaseline
>and play with her Irish Wolfhound to please her further.
>
>There have been rumors going around that judges in Colorado and
>Virginia have ruled to vacate their writs of seizure against the
>enemies of the church.  This is not true.  Ummm...okay, the untrue
>part is "there have been rumors going around."  Actually, this is
>a bald, undisguised fact, so stop speculating.  Speculation makes
>me nervous, since it almost contains the word, "speculum."
>
>Anyway, before you wogs start celebrating too hard, let me bring
>you back to Earth (a little Clear joke -- hennhh hennhh hennnhhh)
>by informing you that this whole charade was planned.  That's
>right!  We *intended* for this to happen.  You see, the Superior
>Beings in OSA got together one day, and it occurred to them that
>no one had actually proved that a judge would humiliate the
>Church if we engaged in the unjustified harassment of innocent
>people.  They therefore decided that it was important to know this
>for sure, since a good trouncing in court could be an invaluable
>asset to Operation Foot Bullet.
>
>So, we got writs and raided some people.  Sure enough, the Church
>is getting pounded, so it looks like Operation Foot Bullet is
>moving right along!  We also have a pretty good idea of what time
>Justice Breyer's dog takes his morning walk, but I'll be talking
>more about that later.
>
>So, anyway, if you're celebrating, you're doing it prematurely.
>We have big surprises planned for the Internet, but we won't
>tell you about them until they can do the Church the *maximum*
>harm possible.  We keep right on expanding, pretending to close
>orgs to fool the critics!
>
>Well, I have to go.  I have to glue jingle bells to my penis before
>Kelena returns from work.  Bye for now!
>
>Andy Million
>
>--
>
>This humorous yet informative little interlude brought to you by,
>
>Troutman, Defender of Sticks
>troutman@teleport.com
>
>The above message is satire and is not in any way intended to
>represent the speech, actions or opinions of any real person.
>Only a truly stupid person would think that I was writing about
>them, in my opinion.
>
>"*WHACK*  jinglejinglejingle...  *WHACK*  jinglejingHAHAHAhee hee hee..."
>                                 - Richard D. Piskevinaugh

    You guys are too much.
    
            +--------------------------------------+
           Rev. Dennis L Erlich  * * the inFormer * *
      dennis.l.erlich@support.com  +  inForm@primenet.com
                           "tar baby"