Anonymous asked this question on 5/18/2000:

I really don't know where to start? I feel so confused and depressed that i don't know what else to do? I am 23, have a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me,and a reception job that pays really well. So, you think that i would be happy, huh. Well, things couldn't be more wrong! Last November my boyfriend and i moved out of state with his construction job so he could have a chance to get promoted. I decided at the time that moving to a big city would be good for me too because there are alot of job opportunities for me.(i had previously gone to radiology school after high school for a year but did not finish due to personal factors from the program instructor, acutally the best move i made by ending the program.) So i thought that my best move would be to start over w/a new job. I have wanted to go back to college but so very unsure of what i want to do. I don't want to make the same mistake by just picking something and hating it again. Plus wasting money on something i decide later on on not doing is stupid. So, we have lived here now for 6months and i have a good reception job and his job is going ok too! problem is is that i am not happy! I miss my famiiy and old town. We are 8hrs away so we visit when we can but i just am not happy with that. I think about down the road and want to raise children one day there w/family and plant my life there. Now my boyfriend wants to travel, live the exciting life and live everywhere! The more and more we talk about my feelings the more depressed i get. I don't know what to do w/the way i feel! I think i want to go back to school before i settle down but then i have no idea what i want to do, none whatsoever!!! I think i should think about myself, but now it is me and him. Our relationship is very serious (we have talked about getting engaged) and i don't want to hurt it by doing someting drastic but i am so sad all the time! At work i feel ok but when i am home i don't want to talk to him and i just sit there and watch tv. I am not mad at him i just don't want to talk to him or do anything. Things change when we go home though, i am happy, alive, and feel different. Does anyone have any advice on how i cope or what i should do next? Thank you for listening to my long story.

~Confused

Wisdom1961 gave this response on 5/19/2000:

Dear Confused- I know about homesickness. i moved from mass where i had lived all my life....and i miss my seasons. Both my parents are gone, and i have one brother here. I have lost 42 pounds since i moved here a year ago. You are depressed and homesick. Let me try and help you sort this out. Remember that life is too short to be unhappy. Being content and happy is the most important thng. At this time in your life...you should be thinking about children...there are two worlds of thought. The one your boyfriend sees is this. I may as well burn it up while im young and have the energy. The other is to have children.....settle down, and once they are grown, you can travel. Remember that marriage should never be entered into when two minds are not alike, or at cross purposes! If you have children...think about the financial aspects. Will you want to work after, or stay home. I think it would be helpful to pick up a copy of "Smart Women, Foolish Choices." by RObin Norwood. THis is your time to discover who you are what you want... Move home if that if that will make you happy. Remember that we can never go home again!! I stayed home with my parents....until their eventual deaths. But my brother didnt. He can never go home again, but i dont have regret. Every minute you have now can fullfill you when they are not around anymore. Stay close to your family and find a man who wants to settle down, some of us are June Cleevers, and some of us are Gloria Steinhems...Its is up to you....Search yourself..and to thine own self be true...You can send e mail to Wisdom1961@aol.com if you need more advice..Im here for You Girl!!!! take care..

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