Anonymous asked this question on 5/18/2000:

I really don't know where to start? I feel so confused and depressed that i don't know what else to do? I am 23, have a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me,and a reception job that pays really well. So, you think that i would be happy, huh. Well, things couldn't be more wrong! Last November my boyfriend and i moved out of state with his construction job so he could have a chance to get promoted. I decided at the time that moving to a big city would be good for me too because there are alot of job opportunities for me.(i had previously gone to radiology school after high school for a year but did not finish due to personal factors from the program instructor, acutally the best move i made by ending the program.) So i thought that my best move would be to start over w/a new job. I have wanted to go back to college but so very unsure of what i want to do. I don't want to make the same mistake by just picking something and hating it again. Plus wasting money on something i decide later on on not doing is stupid. So, we have lived here now for 6months and i have a good reception job and his job is going ok too! problem is is that i am not happy! I miss my famiiy and old town. We are 8hrs away so we visit when we can but i just am not happy with that. I think about down the road and want to raise children one day there w/family and plant my life there. Now my boyfriend wants to travel, live the exciting life and live everywhere! The more and more we talk about my feelings the more depressed i get. I don't know what to do w/the way i feel! I think i want to go back to school before i settle down but then i have no idea what i want to do, none whatsoever!!! I think i should think about myself, but now it is me and him. Our relationship is very serious (we have talked about getting engaged) and i don't want to hurt it by doing someting drastic but i am so sad all the time! At work i feel ok but when i am home i don't want to talk to him and i just sit there and watch tv. I am not mad at him i just don't want to talk to him or do anything. Things change when we go home though, i am happy, alive, and feel different. Does anyone have any advice on how i cope or what i should do next? Thank you for listening to my long story.

~Confused

siobhan gave this response on 5/18/2000:

Is this the first time you've lived away from home, as in town and friends and family? Because if it is, then it's just natural to feel the way you do. You've got some good things going for you where you live, a good job, a good guy, but that's not enough. Try taking up some recreational classes, like art classes, or ceramics, or exercise classes, you'll meet new people, it has to be something you enjoy. You're at an age where you're at crossroads, you don't know whether to lead an exciting party type lifestyle or start planning for your future and your family's future. So it's expected that you would feel this way. It's very stressful when your boyfriend just doesn't seem to get how you're feeling and frustrating that you seem to share different ideals about life and the future. It's good that you don't have any children to think about right now. It takes some pressure off of your relationship. If he wants to do a bunch of things that you have no desire to do, like live everywhere, well maybe you shouldn't be together for a while, but I really think that he's not really serious about some of his exciting plans. Find out what he realistically would do and come to a compromise. He sounds young and is probably unsure about what direction to go in his life just like you, maybe he's not satisfied with being a construction worker. See if you can come to a reasonable compromise with both of you being happy with the decisions. I think you should stick it out for a while where you are unless you get more depressed than you already are, and go back home for refuge with your family, there's nothing wrong with that. It takes about 6 months for people to adjust to a new place and get comfortable, so know that you're not alone. Good luck, siobhan

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