Anonymous asked this question on 5/16/2000:

I am a w/53yrold female suffering from chronic severe, treatment resistent depression for many years, this last episode is now in the 2nd year, I am on my third psychitrist. My current doctor is at Johns Hopkins and is well known in the field of mental illenss. If have tried every anti-dpressent known to man, I even had 7 ECTS last year, and they did not help! I don't understand what is wrong. I see ads that depression can be helped, but nothing has helped me. I want to feel better so badly, it's making me more depressed. I never go out of the house, or get dressed and most days don't get out of bed except when my husband takes me to the doctors or the hospital. Luckily I have an understanding husband and no children to care for, so sleeping all day is only hurting me. Does anyone have any advise or suggestions for me? thank you so much

pain1 gave this response on 5/17/2000:

Hi

My depression is not drug resistant but I only get minor drug relief, at best.

I am not able to lay in bed nor sit around, that is because I suffer from chronic pain as well, this being my reason for depression. The pain causes me to be up and walking around in an attempt to ease the pain, not, of course, that it does. I am sure you understand what I am trying to say, indeed I often wish I could lay down for longer than an hour or so, but certainly not for as long as you have to. It never fails to shock me about how each one of us has different effects because of depression, often I get angry to when people who are simply fed up say they have depression, let them have a day of your life, or mine come to it.

Still that is not answering your points...but it is good to be able to speak to someone who knows what its really like... I have found that a mixture of therapy, exercise and relaxation skills have helped me better understand the cycle that depresion takes us on.

I feel depression follows a pattern:-

A cause (this is different in each of us but there is always a reason for the onset) this leads to anger as it gets hold of us, then we are led to further depression when, we realise that we have not been able to prevent the onset. Then back we go through anger and to the start all over again. In this circle I have come to see a major factor that many doctors forget..FRUSTRATION... In between everything there is this frustration, pain, and its ability to lay us out..leads to frustration as we see we can't help ourselves...that leads to the start of depression...and again there is the frustration that we have again failed to prevent that happening and so it goes before and/or after every turn. We, that is those of us who are the sufferers, know what is happening but we are simply not able to control or prevent the depth we are dargged down.

I always felt I was being seen as a weak man, someone who needed to "pull himself together" a phrase that was, in the early days, all to often used as well. Now, after spending time doing all the things above, along with 9 other sufferers, on a course in hospital, over a six week period, I see things coming better and, I do feel, I can, sometimes, make it less painful, less depressive and even avoid some things that I know will drag me down. I also have to say that the Prozac helps me a lot...I guees I am lucky here given your situation. Prozac sure as heck is no cure but it seems to hold the edge of the terrible feelings away.

I have come to the thought that our only real help has to come from inside. I am not saying it is possible but given the failure of anyone to teach us, or prescribe drugs to ease the problem the only thing left is us... I try, as often as possible, to catch myself as I feel that dreaded gut ache, that heavy head or that sick feeling. I do all I can to be with someone, to be doing something I enjoy and to have something to keep my mind busy...of course the depression still sets in but I have found it can, sometimes, be less intense.

My periods of depression have reduced in length now, instead of being right down for months on end I see my patterns change to many episodes lasting for as little as a few weeks and at worst for a matter of just a few months. Long gone has the time I would be down year in year out. I am not aware of any special one thing that has done this but am certain that the action I speak of above, coupled to the ability to call, and talk to, the other sufferers I met on the course, has given me a new way to look at my depression. I no longer say "This is the worst I have ever been" or "I simply can't live like this anymore" I guess I have more confidence in my ability to drag myself up from it, to force myself to keep going even on the worst days.

Of course this has not just happened over night, I have been like this now for over 13yrs and because the cause of the pain is no longer cureable I am often sent back down by the long periods of chronic pain..but I know now I will come back again, I will feel a litle better day by day and I allow myself to believe that I can cope..and, given I am here, means maybe I do.

I hope that some of this is making sense, I know it is all muddled but so is my mind...

Try to find a group where everyone there understands what it is you really feel like. It is no good a doctor asking things if they have no idea what depression does to a person. I feel the best experts are, without doubt, those of us who have to live with this thing day in and day out. I know I get much more help by talking to someone who never asks me to explain how I feel, or what is it that makes you feel like this...questions I have yet to find words for. Maybe you could find one or two others and start up your own little group..

Talking to others who understand has to be a good thing don't you feel?? It may even give you a good enough reason to get up, dress and so on...even if this is just on the odd day here and there to start with.

I wish you luck and hope there may be a little bit here that may help, I have to say you do seem to know more about it all than me but maybe there is one extra thing to try here....

Dave (UK)