Anonymous asked this question on 5/14/2000:
I'm 42 (f) & have hit a wall in my life. No stranger to depression (& have been ~wrongly I think~ dx'd bipolar2). I'm in a fugue state right now & am avoiding some major issues while pouring all my considerable energy into my business, which is doing very well. However, I am half way through night law school & hating it; wish I had stayed with Plan A, (a PsyD.) I dropped two volunteer positions, one in the court system & one as a rape/crisis counselor, something I had done for 6 years & was proud of. I've been working 80 hours a week with school & business for 2 years, plus volunteering, fixing up an old house & trying to keep connected to friends & family and keeping a relationship with my SO going forward as this is very important to me also. In the last 2 years I have also gone through death & illness in the family & a rather acrimonious divorce. I'm exhausted & overwhelmed & feel like a loser for it. I've always kept my emotional cards close to my chest, and haven't talked with those close to me about this panicky failing feeling. This is wrong, as I have wonderful supportive friends, but I've always been the "strong" one & I suppose don't like to appear otherwise. I have employees relying on me for a paycheck & everyone in my life expecting me to be a winner. Do I try to pick up where I feel I've left off, even though it may not be the right path (the JD)? Run away to Mexico & reinvent myself? I'm sure I know the right answers here. Perhaps I just need to unload, albeit anonymously. I just want to do right by myself & others, & I'm not doing that now. And no, I'm not in counselling, hate the navel gazing. And no, I'm not on meds & hope never to take another mood stabilizer in my life, they flat~line me. And no, finding Jesus won't help this little chickadee.
ScreenMentor gave this response on 5/16/2000:
Been there, done that. Went into a full blown anxiety attack in the hallway 3 feet from the door of a classroom during final exams. I'd been working a full time job, raising 2 children and carrying a full course load.
It's called burnout, emotional exhaustion, nervous breakdown. I went into a 3 day crying jag and then did little but sleep and feed my kids for the next few weeks.
I learned the hard way that I was only human.
I was also the one that others came to, when I tried to tell people what was going on in my life they would just glaze over and say "how in the hell are you standing!" Eventually I did find a therapist and some friends who were able to give as well as take from me and I learned how to receive from them instead of just give.
I gotta tell you, this is much nicer. Being Superwoman was a drag. The air is just to thin up there.
Give yourself some dream time to figure out what you really want for your life. Then you can see how to go about getting the life you want.
PS. Getting on the right meds can be a big help.
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