Anonymous asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi,

I am 26 yrs old and I am feeling severely depressed for several reasons. I broke up with my girlfriend last year and I feel that I have hurt her badly, but I really don't think she was right for me (as in building a future, marriage, etc).

It was a shock because we dated for 6 yrs, and I knew she wasn't "right" for quite some time and kept postponing breaking up our relationship. She is a very nice girl and at least I didn't "dump" her for another or anything. I'm still not seeing anyone and I think that she knows this. I don't want to hurt her but I also don't want to give her false hopes by calling and writing; but by not doing so I fear she must think I am extremely mean and that I don't care for her. It was somehow expected that we would marry after all that time and maybe I'm just not up to that.

Another reason I am depressed is that I have a Business Administration degree (and have had an excellent education) and I feel I have a pretty lousy job. I often reply to ads and go to interviews but I don't have much success with these. I feel that I'm "stuck" professionally. I work many hours and I feel that I don't have enough free time to enjoy. I am constantly stressed.

Also, my family was quite wealthy once but now my parents are almost broke and I worry for them. I would like to help them out and perhaps open a shop with them (we could borrow the money from rich relatives) but I feel that I need my independence as well, and that if I worked in a shop FOR them then I would never really be independent! I love them very much and seem to care for them more than my sisters! I have been thinking of how it would be to leave my job and do the shop thing, but I fear that then I really would not progress in any career (I always had an idea that I would make it big!)

I am also afraid I've messed up my reputation by doing something very stupid (didn't harm anyone or anything like that...more like made a fool out of myself), word gets around, and I don't know how to recover from that incident. I feel that every body knows what happened or at least notices that my behaviour has changed since then (by being so paranoid perhaps?).

I don't have any friends and my friends live 200 miles away! I took my degree in another city (made friends there) and have moved back to live with my parents a year after graduation. I have lost contact with past friends or found that we have different interests now.

And oh yes, I recently discovered that I have male pattern baldness (balding) and I am going quite fat (slacking). I plan to start exercising but keep on postponing it!

Lately I may be drinking slightly too much (I've always liked drinking...sometimes I would exaggerate when I would go out.but it never REALLY got out of hand otherwise).

As you can see, plenty of reasons to be depressed!

I think I may be coping quite well actually, considering. This could be due to a strong character (never have been the depressed type, rather the contrary) but even so it's really starting to put a strain on me. I also live in a sunny country, which helps. I am constantly thinking of how shitty my life has become and have troubles sleeping properly at night (which doesn't help at work!).

A handful!

Thanks to anyone who cares to give me his or her views!

khanduja_jaideep gave this response on 5/15/2000:

don't worry be happy every day you are born afresh

First problem : Breaking up with your girlfriend: what i feel is that bygone is bygone. things happen because they have to happen. i strongly believe in fate also. and also feel that whatever happens, happens for good. there are lot many good persons left in the world whom you have never met. try meeting new people. do good everyday. try to forget past and be happy. just feel strong enough and tell yourself in the morning that you are the happiest person on this earth.

Problem 2:Career: whatever you do do full heartedly. if you try looking for the work of your choice, you may not be happy throughout your life. but instead whatever work you get or do, make it your choice and devote yourself in it. Problem 3: Your parents: fighting among your parents might be due to the your tensions. it is true that if even a single person in the house is unhappy the tensions spread all around. just think isn't it love that even after fighting they stay together. just start realising them that love is prime and lives as long as you live. try to be happy in front of them and try to make them feel happy. this will be a major achievement for you.

Problem 4: Reputation: not a problem at all. you respect yourself and world respects you. just give yourself 100 out of 100 and you stop thinking about what others think about you. you are yourselves reputation. build up.

Problem 5: Friends: love all. and be busy in your work.

Problem 6: Weight and Hair Loss: be happy and stop feeling about it. people are more worse than you and still happy. start excercise. stop bad habits and thinkings.

Problem 7: Drinking: you drink alcohol means you don't respect yourself, this world, god, your parents, sun, light, moon .....

do some good everyday. make someone happy everday. the more you make others happy, the more happier you will be. stop thinking, move, act, do as much work you can, involve yourself in some creativity. show your worth to the world. let somebody say at your back, that look he is the best person i have ever met in my life.

stay tuned as long as you are alive. live really as long as you live. count every minute as a new start.