Anonymous asked this question on 5/14/2000:
I'm 42 (f) & have hit a wall in my life. No stranger to depression (& have been ~wrongly I think~ dx'd bipolar2). I'm in a fugue state right now & am avoiding some major issues while pouring all my considerable energy into my business, which is doing very well. However, I am half way through night law school & hating it; wish I had stayed with Plan A, (a PsyD.) I dropped two volunteer positions, one in the court system & one as a rape/crisis counselor, something I had done for 6 years & was proud of. I've been working 80 hours a week with school & business for 2 years, plus volunteering, fixing up an old house & trying to keep connected to friends & family and keeping a relationship with my SO going forward as this is very important to me also. In the last 2 years I have also gone through death & illness in the family & a rather acrimonious divorce. I'm exhausted & overwhelmed & feel like a loser for it. I've always kept my emotional cards close to my chest, and haven't talked with those close to me about this panicky failing feeling. This is wrong, as I have wonderful supportive friends, but I've always been the "strong" one & I suppose don't like to appear otherwise. I have employees relying on me for a paycheck & everyone in my life expecting me to be a winner. Do I try to pick up where I feel I've left off, even though it may not be the right path (the JD)? Run away to Mexico & reinvent myself? I'm sure I know the right answers here. Perhaps I just need to unload, albeit anonymously. I just want to do right by myself & others, & I'm not doing that now. And no, I'm not in counselling, hate the navel gazing. And no, I'm not on meds & hope never to take another mood stabilizer in my life, they flat~line me. And no, finding Jesus won't help this little chickadee.
mfielding gave this response on 5/14/2000:
Unloading is certainly useful at times, and it sounds like you have accomplished quite a lot. If you feel like where you're going right now is not the right answer, then you're probably right.
I don't think you need to worry about being "the strong one" all the time; allowing yourself to have hard days and to let yourself lean on your friends for support can be a healthy thing for all concerned; if they're mature adults, they will appreciate feeling needed, and I think it's a nice way of letting them know that you trust them enough to let them see that you're not superhuman.
Anyway, as you say, you probably do know the right answer for yourself. So good luck, and I hope that you find the right way to go soon. :)
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