AnnieS asked this question on 5/2/2000:

Hi, I'm a 36 year old female with a history of drug and alcohol abuse(12-25), several dysfunctional relationships, Sexual abuse(11), rape(21). I have been clean and sober for the past 11 years, gone through extensive psychotherapy(of which I found to be very benificial), I was relationship-less for 5 years and became quite sucessful and independent throughout that time. My question is this: up until very recently I believed, (and have been diagnosed with), Major Depression. I remember feeling depressed as far back as I can remember. My mother describes my moods like this, "you're up & down, up & down." My best friend of 34 years has always sworn I was Bipolar, and everyone else I know is always saying, "you're so moody." Until very recently, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of being Bipolar, (nor would the therapists), because of what I, and they, thought to be, an absence of manic episodes. I hang on to my "happy times" for dear life. They don't last long, and I'm never sure why they're there. But until recently, I never questioned the lack of reason, I just grabbed on to these very brief periods and enjoyed them while I had them. However, recently I have become more aware of these times because I am unable to sleep for very long during these times, I fall asleep for a few hours, awake, and am unable to get back to sleep. That's if I'm even able to get to sleep much before dawn. I've also noticed that I can be feeling happy one moment and have it turn into extreme irritability the next. Irritability to the point of being enraged. I'm over active, easily distracted, almost foggy or hazey at times. Recently I read about Biploar II. Do you think there's a possibility that I have this type of Bipolar? I feel like I'm on a mood roller coaster much of the time, and swing in and out of these moods so rapidly sometimes that I have difficulty distinguishing how I truly feel about most everything. It leaves me feeling very indecisive and confused. There doesn't seem to be any apparent reason for these shifts in mood. Up until now I've refused medication for the depression for fear of becoming active in my addictions again, but am returning to therapy to explore the possibility of meds, as the depression has become much more severe over the past two years, and I'm not sure I can handle it without the meds any longer. I intend to discuss the possibility of Bipolar with my new psychologist, but would like as many opinions, and as much input as I can get before I go. Anything you can offer would be greatly appreciated, and to all of you that have already answered me; Thank You so much!!!! Annie S.

siobhan gave this response on 5/9/2000:

If i had to diagnose you i would diagnose bipolar, but you definitely need to keep talking to your doctors. The drug issue and the experiences you've been through may be the reason for your instablitiy and not a chemical imbalance in your brain, however it could be the other way around, all those things that you've experienced as an adult could be the result of a mental illness that dates back to teen years. If youre manic episodes aren't so bad, in that you truly enjoy them and are productive during them and you don't crash too hard then youre probably bipolar II, that's what I am, mild mania and severe depression periods, and periods of relative normalcy. Don't take bipolar pills, (mood stabalizers) unless you reall have to because theyre for life. Trust yourself first and foremost because you know yourself best. the doctors can only offer their opinions of you based on what is evident. But you alone know best the inner turmoil and conflicts that you probably face daily. Continue being aware, just like you have been, and continue to get help, write me anytime, take care, Siobhan

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