treseq asked this question on 4/22/2000:

I and my wife, Karen, have been married for 11 years. My son is 9 and my daughter is 3.

My wife has a temper problem and things that happened to her when she was in school and with her family, which spreads to all areas of our marrige, ie relationships with family, friends, children and neighbours and myself.

I have somehow managed to survive this. She has left home since eight weeks and would like to reunite. We have discussed our problems and both agreed that this was the main barrier.

My wife has this problem much before our marriage ie with her parents, brothers and sister. She has deep rooted issues in her which I am unable to help despite my best efforts. She has realised that if we do decide to reunited this issue will have to be addressed properly with concrete ways of handling this.

She has been to psycologist and she says that they are of no use as they only give her anti-depressant medication, which she refuses to take.

I would like to keep this family united but I am affraid if this is not solved we will be back to sqare one! We have seperated 3 times before and I cannot take this nor is it conductive for the children.

If you can guide me in some direction that we can look to solve this problem I do not know how I could repay you.

Should you require more information that will help you to put me in the right direction for help please contact me on seqtreka@yahoo.com

Thank you Trevor Sequeira

renzo_baby gave this response on 4/26/2000:

First i would like to say god bless you for sticking with her through this tough period. You must know that if it is this hard for you, imagine how hard it is for her. I don't know exactly why she acts the way that you say she does, but i do know that she really needs to sit and analyze these things. You can't make her better, but you can help her and be there for her emotionally and physically. you have to listen-don't give input, sometimes people talk and they wind up solving their own problems. Also, you may have to give what we call hard love. you can't keep letting her runaway, cause that's not solving anything. you need to let her know that either she stays and deals with this thing or she just stays where she's at. I know it sounds mean, but if you allow someone to run, they will continuously run. also you said that these problems that she's having, deals with family and friends, maybe she needs to confront these people that are involved and just release those emotions that she may possess. Basically she needs to find herself, and that may involve many people. maybe she lost herself a long time ago and now it's really getting to her, where she can't be the wife nor the mother that she wants to be. Or maybe, she doesn't want to be that at all anymore and she feels guilty for feeling that way, so all she can do is run. whatever the reason is, both of you need to really sit down and discuss your feelings that you have inside, and come to some kind of conclusion. I hope that i can be of assisstance. If you would like to converse further, write me at Renzo_Baby@onebox.com

Sincerely, Charee

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