treseq asked this question on 4/22/2000:

I and my wife, Karen, have been married for 11 years. My son is 9 and my daughter is 3.

My wife has a temper problem and things that happened to her when she was in school and with her family, which spreads to all areas of our marrige, ie relationships with family, friends, children and neighbours and myself.

I have somehow managed to survive this. She has left home since eight weeks and would like to reunite. We have discussed our problems and both agreed that this was the main barrier.

My wife has this problem much before our marriage ie with her parents, brothers and sister. She has deep rooted issues in her which I am unable to help despite my best efforts. She has realised that if we do decide to reunited this issue will have to be addressed properly with concrete ways of handling this.

She has been to psycologist and she says that they are of no use as they only give her anti-depressant medication, which she refuses to take.

I would like to keep this family united but I am affraid if this is not solved we will be back to sqare one! We have seperated 3 times before and I cannot take this nor is it conductive for the children.

If you can guide me in some direction that we can look to solve this problem I do not know how I could repay you.

Should you require more information that will help you to put me in the right direction for help please contact me on seqtreka@yahoo.com

Thank you Trevor Sequeira

pain1 gave this response on 4/22/2000:

Hi

Clearly your wife needs help, from a professional. I am a chronic depressive and know only too well how bad things can get if left untreated.

I now use several drugs, by the way my depression is due to constant, chronic, pain following an industrial accident 13yrs ago. I take Prozac now, but only after 10+yrs of sufering, and failed suicide attempts. Since the fourth day of taking Prozac I can say, hand on heart, my life has changed 100% for the better.

I now seldom have major mood swings, spend far less time getting angry and hardly ever shout. My family is happy, I am happier and our marriage, and my three kids, are so pleased to have some of their dad/husband back.

If you want your marriage to work this time then it is a must for your wife, and you, to seek help.

Your wife needs treatment and you need to understand what it is that troubles her. Each of you has a responsibility to each other, if she will take the medication you must agree to try and understand where she is coming from. She is ill and like anyone else needs treatment. Please try and get her to agree and what ever you do please don't judge her...often she will be acting out of frustration and not hate...

I wish you everything you wish yourselves.

Dave (UK)