Anonymous asked this question on 4/23/2000:

I have suffered through and thought I had regained my mental health after two long episodes of severe clinical depression in l992 and l994. I took early retirement in 9/91 at age 62, and soon recognized that something was wrong with my mental health. It was NOT due to retirement, it was due to my husband who was a manic-depressive, and was in a very manic condition at that time, and also because my best friend of 20 years told me she had inoperable cancer. We were very close and supportive of each other as long as I can remeber. She became sicker and sicker, and died a miserable death in 9/92. I lost my friend and her generous support. From the time I heard she had cancer, and observed her long suffering, I was in deep depression, and wasn't much good to anyone or myself. Professionals helped get me through this lst depression. Then in late spring of 1994, I recognized that I was again in another depression. At this time, I moved down to another state to be with my daughter and family. My husband reluctantly moved down with me (I really didn't want him to). Professionals helped me again. By the lst of 1996, I felt normal again. For the last year or two, it seems sometimes I am in some form of depression. I find myself in tears (in private, or on the phone with my two children who I sometimes have an disagreement with) I sleep very late in the AM..sometimes up to 1:00 or 2:00 p.m. even. I do that when I don't have anything to do that day but household work. I do stay up late at night till l:00 watching TV etc.-but I don't know if that's an excuse to sleep so late the next morning. I have taken the anti-anxiety pill, name of Clonzepam for at least the last 6 years, now prescribed by my MD who's well aware of my problems. That has always pretty well assured me of a good night sleep. Yes, I am addicted, like I' addicted to a good night's sleep. This frequent crying of mine, when I feel down about something, and sleeping just about everyday so late makes me wonder if I'm in a state of depression. I am 71 years old now. I do volunter work twice a week and "babysit" my 4 and 8 year old granddaughters often. I am fairly active, have a few good friends, but not like the one I had that died. I miss a friend like that. I sure wish she was still alive, but she's been gone for 8 years now, and I've adjusted to that by now. My husband did not allow me to grieve for her normally. He made fun of me and told me to pull myself by my boot straps. He died 1/98. He was in a nursing home for 3 years..while I was in a depression, and I thought I became well again. I could write a book on all this, but I better quit, and ask you what you think, advice, whatever. Am I still in some phase of depression?. I'll be taking Effexor the rest of life. I have cut down to l pill a day, when I use to take 2. Maybe I should go back to 2. Thanks.

desertphile gave this response on 4/30/2000:

Please note that I am not a doctor.

Your question makes me feet ver much concern for you. You have certainly had some very rough past few years. It seems to me that depression is a normal expression of your grief at over loosing your friend, spouse, and residence.

I would like to start off with pointing out that with depression one cannot just "pull oneself up by one's boot straps." You can no more "will" yourself out of depression than you can "will" your broken leg to set itself and heal by magic. Depression is an illness, and should be treated just like any other illness: by a physician.

If your doctor prescribed two tablets of Effexor, please follow your doctor's orders and take two. There is no shame in being on medication when one is ill! If I had bronchitis, I would take the full prescription: half-measures often do not work. The same is true with depression.

As for grief for your friend, that is so very important that I feel your spouse did you a disservice. One really does need to yell some times over the loss of a friend. My most common tool for grief is a pillow--- it muffles the sound, and mops up the tears. Grief is very healthy if not taken to extreme.

Perhaps you will look for the "Death and Dying" gategory on AskMe.Com and ask them about the grief "process." This may even help you work through that grief and bring about a improvement with your depression.

PLEASE take the full prescription of two tablets if that is what your doctor directed. Half-measures often will just not work.

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