Abusive Parents

Organization: Institute for the Theoretical Physics
From: dos@max.physics.sunysb.edu (Daniel B. O'Sullivan)
Message-ID: <25ic9l$jcb@max.physics.sunysb.edu>
Newsgroups: sci.psychology

       I recently met this girl, with whom I've become very close friends.  It
wasn't until after we began to know each other better (plutonicaly) that I
realized how difficult her mother was being with her.  Her mother had her when
she was only 19, and I believe that she regrets having given up her own social
life for a child that probably wasn't planned.  Now she drinks constantly, and
abuses the daughter [my friend], but not the other two, younger children.  Her
mother wants constant control over every aspect of her life, from dating to the
type of perfume she wears to what college she's going to.  This fall, she's
been enrolled in a community college, where she'll have to commute [and stay at
home under mom's rule].  The abuse goes beyond mental torture and domination,
she also becomes very violant when she drinks, and I'm afraid that something
very bad will happen to her if I don't intervene.  I talked to her best friend
[who is also a good friend of mine], and she told me that this abuse has gone
on ever since she knew my friend [three or four years].  She also told me that
my friend [I'll call her Mary, just in case], doesn't like one-on-one type of
activities.  She tends to hang out in groups of people and gets very nervous
when a boy tells her he likes her, or makes any type of advances [sexual or
simply romantic].  She also has a way of involving herself in other people's
love lifes, and is constantly projecting low self esteem.  ["I look
disgusting", "This dress looks stupid on me," etc., which I realize are common
phrases amoung teenage girls [she's 18], but she takes them to an extreme,
constantly]  I'm afraid that, by herself, she'll never move out of that house,
and never be able to stand alone, or even meet someone who she can finally
trust.  I would like to know if there's anything I can do to help her, without
jeopardizing our friendship, or her saftey.  The way things are right now, her
parents adore me, because they don't know that I know what's wrong, but I'm
willing to sacrifice popularity for the love of a friend.  Please email or
post. 

Thanks in Advance