from PEACE HALLUCINATION NEWS SERVICE, the news service with the motto:
			 "A comprehensive fantasy is truer than a distorted fact."

									AN APPROPRIATE MIRACLE

	"Doctors report a modest swelling of his abdomen but are still not sure
what it is."
	-- July 13 news report on Pope John Paul's medical examination.


  Naturally that news item suggested to our Peace Hallucination News Service
staff that there was more than that brief item disclosed. Following
appropriate research, they provided us with this early report:

  ROME, JULY 20, 1992 (PHNS): Most of the story of the Pope's pregnancy is
becoming clear. It seems that two events are the background: One event was the
Rio de Janiero UN Conference on Environment and Development.

	There the Roman Catholic Church's representative expressed concern about
human population growth and reaffirmed the Church attitude concerning
contraception (NO) and abortion (again in essence NO). The other event was the
recent series of abortion clinic pro- and con- demonstrations in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin, and Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

  His Holiness was known to have watched reports of these events on
television. During the Milwaukee and Baton Rouge coverage he saw signs of the
abortion rights supporters saying "If men could become pregnant, abortion
would be a sacrament." Some of the speakers in the independent parallel
conference at Rio had made a similar point regarding contraception.

  Many observers, including partisans on all political sides, feel certain
that the Pope's present condition is a test of these hypotheses. Disputants
differ, however, on the Lord's intent. Church traditionalists are saying that
God is confident that the doctrines currently expressed will survive the test,
and hopes to set down the rebellion once and for all. Those favoring change
say that the figure many of them call 'the Goddess' could take the male
dominated abuse no longer, and decided to offer the Pope an experience lived
by many, if not most, of his co-religionists. They reason that whatever John
Paul himself says, the world's population will get the idea.

  Though traditionalists claim confidence that the Pope, who has made no
statements as yet, will continue to support 'traditional values', PHNS has
discovered that a hard core is preparing for the chance that the Pope will
declare a change in the policies on abortion and contraception. If that
happens, some of them may attempt to impeach him, using a charge of sexual
misbehavior.