From:    Donna.
To:      All                                    Msg #61, Sep-19-93 03:38AM
Subject: EOH: Rules for Guys

                   SEE NEXT MESSAGE FOR "RULES FOR GALS"

                               RULES FOR GUYS

 1. The Female always makes The Rules.

 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

 4. If The Female suspects The Male knows all The Rules, she must
    immediately change some or all of The Rules.

 5. The Female is never wrong.

 6. If The Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding
    which was a direct result of something The Male did or said.

 7. If Rule 6 applies, The Male must apologize immediately for causing
    the misunderstanding.

 8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

 9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent
    from The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless The Female wants him
    to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let The Male know whether or
    not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm.

14. If The Female has PMS, all Rules are null and void.


                   SEE NEXT MESSAGE FOR "RULES FOR GALS"

--- ConfMail V4.00
 * Origin: Home of the new WO/MEN echo  (1:114/113.11)


*** See also #199.


From:    Donna.
To:      All                                    Msg #62, Sep-19-93 03:40AM
Subject: EOH: Rules for Gals

              SEE PREVIOUS MESSAGE FOR "RULES FOR GUYS"

                               RULES FOR GALS

 1. The Male makes all the rules.

 2. If the Male fails to make all the rules, his mother will do
    it for him.

 3. The Female who wins at any sport or competition in which the
    Male participates is an overly aggressive dyke.  The
    corollary to this is that the Male has either "let" her win
    or it is his least favorite sport in the universe.

 4. The Male is exempt from performing any household maintenance
    chore including putting his own dirty shorts in the hamper.

 5. Any Male caught vacuuming or washing dishes will be forced to
    come home stinking drunk in a Thursday night with lipstick
    marks on his face, strip joint matchbooks in his pocket and
    long blonde hairs on his coat for further punishment to be
    administered by the Female.

 6. The Male must perform all vehicle maintenance even if he
    hasn't a clue.  The Male must never reveal to the Female that
    he hasn't a clue.

 7. The Male must kill all bugs that appear while he is on the
    premises.

7a. Any Female who requests this service will be given a two-day-
    long lecture on How Feminism Means You Can Kill Your Own
    Damned Bugs.

 8. The Male must regularly inspect his wardrobe to make sure
    that all underthings are in a state of disrepair and all
    suits need cleaning.  Each tie must have a greasy spot on it
    and socks must have holes.

 9. Even if the Male remembers important holidays, he must feign
    surprise and sheepishness to keep the myth alive and buy only
    a stupid gift, if any.

10. The Male is expected to tell the same golf/fishing/hunting
    stories at every get-together comprised of more than 4
    people.  The Female will laugh at the right places and not
    allow her eyes to glaze over.

11. The Male may scratch his privates in public.  The Female is
    not permitted to adjust her bra strap unless locked in the
    bathroom with the curtains drawn. The Female may never
    scratch anything other than the back of the Male.

12. The Male must consider all "healthy" foods to be toxic and
    hold fast to this conviction in the face of all evidence,
    charts, tables and appeals from doctors to the contrary.

13. The Male may become a vegetarian/non-smoker/jogger ONLY if he
    adopts a holier-than-thou attitude.

14. All rules become effective at the onset of the baseball/
    basketball/football/duck hunting/salmon fishing/snark
    hunting/Quayle baching season and continue until the Female
    walks out frustrated and defeated.

              SEE PREVIOUS MESSAGE FOR "RULES FOR GUYS"