Sexually Aggressive Women
From: CompuCutie 4
Date: 08-17-93 10:37:24
Subject: Sexually Aggressive Women
Traditionally, almost every facet of social-sexual interaction
between men and women is predicated upon male initiative. From the
initial contact, to dating, to intercourse, to marriage, our society
seems to have designed things so that it's all up to the man. This
arrangement causes no end of frustration for both sexes. It can not
only be a burden for men sometimes, but they also miss out on the sweet
pleasures of being the one "chased" sometimes, not to mention missing
out on relationships with women who they had no notion were interested.
For their part, women are reduced to sitting by the telephone, to playing
coy games, often attracting unwanted attention while the real object of
their interest sometimes seems clueless.
But it doesn't have to be this way. And not all women are satisfied
with the traditional role. When it comes to dating and sex, some
women are far more aggressive. Much more like men. The question is,
does this threaten men? And does it threaten more "traditional" women?
We have all seen women unafraid to approach a man in a nightclub,
and ask him to dance. Seen women who dance as though they are making
love. Seen women seducing a man in public. And known women who are
not shy about asking for exactly what they want in bed. It seems to
work for them. But can it work for other women? And do such
aggressive women put men off?
A friend typifies how many women feel: "I don't have that much
nerve. I'm afraid of rejection. It takes me a long time in a
relationship to reach the point where I can initiate sex. I could
never imagine coming on to a man our first time together, or carry
a condom in my purse. I'd die of embarassment if anyone found out."
Sexually agressive women suffer no such inhibitions. She propositions
men as easily as most women play coy, and doesn't hesitate to tell a
partner exactly what she wants. But being sexually aggressive does
not translate into being promiscuous in the healthily agressive woman.
And being healthy also means that her aggressiveness is not motivated
by some neurosis. Healthy women are agressive from libido, not
from twisted outlooks on men. And staying healthy in this era means
at least serial monogamy and safe sex.
So how is this healthy sexual aggressiveness accomplished? For
centuries, sexy dress and coy flirting have been standard toys in women's
game of seduction. The aggressive woman also displays her body in
alluring attire. But when it comes to behavior, she's more like a
man - utterly straight-forward. As one woman observes, "I shouldn't
have to act subservient to get sex. I'm fiercely independent, and the
ways women typically attract men make no sense to me. I can't fling
my hair around and play hard to get. And I never say no when I mean
yes." Other women behave more traditionally at first, becoming
aggressive when the relationship becomes sexual: "When we finally
begin sleeping together, I completely let loose, initiating sex,
introducing the toys, orchestrating the games."
Frequently, talk becomes an outlet for women with a straight-on style.
They find subtle ways to introduce sex into conversation. Or comment
to a man who among a party's guests they find attractive. Men are often
intrigued by a woman who is willing and able to discuss sexual topics in
a meaningful, detached manner. You can talk about books or articles
that you have read, or social/sexual issues in the news.
Being sexually aggressive means between the sheets too. Gael Greene,
author of "Delicious Sex", warns that most men will not respond well
to drill-sergeant orders in bed. Abrupt sexual demands may turn a
man off, cause premature ejaculation, or impotence. The sexually
agressive woman tells her man exactly what she likes, and how to
accomplish it. "Men respond to hot and dirty talk. Physical
guidance is also helpful when he's close, but not quite there."
Women who go after their own orgasm can actually be a relief to men.
They may feel less pressure to "perform." As women grow more
mature and experienced, all this becomes easier. Younger women who
are not yet fully comfortable with their own sexuality tend to be
Does all this seem accurate, guys? And do women feel comfortable
with being sexually aggressive? Does it turn men off when a woman
initiates sex? Do you think lowly of a woman who approaches you in
a nightclub? Share your own thoughts here.