Message #130
From: CompuCutie 4
To: Everyone
Date: 08-17-93 10:37:24
Subject: Sexually Aggressive Women

     Traditionally, almost every facet of social-sexual interaction
 between men and women is predicated upon male initiative.   From the
 initial contact, to dating, to intercourse, to marriage, our society
 seems to have designed things so that it's all up to the man.   This
 arrangement causes no end of frustration for both sexes.   It can not
 only be a burden for men sometimes, but they also miss out on the sweet
 pleasures of being the one "chased" sometimes, not to mention missing
 out on relationships with women who they had no notion were interested.
 For their part, women are reduced to sitting by the telephone, to playing
 coy games, often attracting unwanted attention while the real object of
 their interest sometimes seems clueless.

     But it doesn't have to be this way.   And not all women are satisfied
 with the traditional role.    When it comes to dating and sex, some
 women are far more aggressive.    Much more like men.    The question is,
 does this threaten men?    And does it threaten more "traditional" women?

     We have all seen women unafraid to approach a man in a nightclub,
 and ask him to dance.    Seen women who dance as though they are making
 love.    Seen women seducing a man in public.   And known women who are
 not shy about asking for exactly what they want in bed.    It seems to
 work for them.    But can it work for other women?   And do such
 aggressive women put men off?

     A friend typifies how many women feel:  "I don't have that much
 nerve.   I'm afraid of rejection.   It takes me a long time in a
 relationship to reach the point where I can initiate sex.   I could
 never imagine coming on to a man our first time together, or carry
 a condom in my purse.   I'd die of embarassment if anyone found out."

    Sexually agressive women suffer no such inhibitions.   She propositions
 men as easily as most women play coy, and doesn't hesitate to tell a
 partner exactly what she wants.     But being sexually aggressive does
 not translate into being promiscuous in the healthily agressive woman.
 And being healthy also means that her aggressiveness is not motivated
 by some neurosis.      Healthy women are agressive from libido, not
 from twisted outlooks on men.    And staying healthy in this era means
 at least serial monogamy and safe sex.

    So how is this healthy sexual aggressiveness accomplished?   For
 centuries, sexy dress and coy flirting have been standard toys in women's
 game of seduction.    The aggressive woman also displays her body in
 alluring attire.   But when it comes to behavior, she's more like a
 man  -  utterly straight-forward.    As one woman observes, "I shouldn't
 have to act subservient to get sex.    I'm fiercely independent, and the
 ways women typically attract men make no sense to me.   I can't fling
 my hair around and play hard to get.   And I never say no when I mean
 yes."     Other women behave more traditionally at first, becoming
 aggressive when the relationship becomes sexual:   "When we finally
 begin sleeping together, I completely let loose, initiating sex,
 introducing the toys, orchestrating the games."

    Frequently, talk becomes an outlet for women with a straight-on style.
 They find subtle ways to introduce sex into conversation.   Or comment
 to a man who among a party's guests they find attractive.   Men are often
 intrigued by a woman who is willing and able to discuss sexual topics in
 a meaningful, detached manner.    You can talk about books or articles
 that you have read, or social/sexual issues in the news.

    Being sexually aggressive means between the sheets too.  Gael Greene,
 author of "Delicious Sex", warns that most men will not respond well
 to drill-sergeant orders in bed.    Abrupt sexual demands may turn a
 man off, cause premature ejaculation, or impotence.     The sexually
 agressive woman tells her man exactly what she likes, and how to
 accomplish it.    "Men respond to hot and dirty talk.   Physical
 guidance is also helpful when he's close, but not quite there."
 Women who go after their own orgasm can actually be a relief to men.
 They may feel less pressure to "perform."     As women grow more
 mature and experienced, all this becomes easier.    Younger women who
 are not yet fully comfortable with their own sexuality tend to be
 more reserved.

    Does all this seem accurate, guys?   And do women feel comfortable
 with being sexually aggressive?    Does it turn men off when a woman
 initiates sex?    Do you think lowly of a woman who approaches you in
 a nightclub?   Share your own thoughts here.