Have you ever looked at the personal ads in a newspaper? I think
all of us have been tempted to answer them at one time or another.
You have to admit, those ad descriptions sound too good to be true
sometimes! Well, the Admiral Institute for Advanced Intellectual
Studies has done extensive research into these ads, and the people
that place them. Here now is a list of descriptive words and their
true meanings. Good luck in finding that Mr./Ms. Right!....

ADVENTUROUS          enjoys trips to exotic places at your expense
AFFECTIONATE         clings like Glad Wrap
AMBITIOUS            cutthroat
ARTISTIC             nuts
ASSERTIVE            assaultive
ATHLETIC             can walk unassisted
BANKER               teller
BLOND                brunette
CALLIPYGIAN          could moon Europe
CLASSY               looking for Mr/Ms Goldbar
CONFIDENT            obnoxious
CUDDLY               fat
CUTE                 funny looking
DISCRIMINATING       won't date a cadaver
DIVORCED             bitter
EARTHY               allergic to bathing
EDUCATED             can read and write
ENERGETIC            manic
EXCEPTIONAL          ordinary
FLEXIBLE             doormat
FULL FIGURED         thar she blows!
INTENSE              homicidal
INTROSPECTIVE        suicidal
LOYAL                won't leave if you're dropped from the Forbes 400
MOODY                manic-depressive
MYSTERIOUS           wanted by the FBI
NONSMOKER            quit 2 hours ago
OFFBEAT              ready for the Ha-Ha Hotel
OUTGOING             will sleep with all your friends
PETITE               dwarf
PRACTICAL            dull
PROFESSIONAL         employed
RENAISSANCE WOMAN    can't hold a job
RUBENESQUE           can't get out of bed without a forklift
SENSITIVE            whiny
SENSUOUS             nymphomaniac
SEPARATED            just had an argument with spouse
SHY                  catatonic
SPIRITUAL            Moonie
STABLE               boring
STRONG               ball-buster / slap you around
SWEET                dumb
TALL                 pituitary case
TRADITIONAL          man pays
VEGETARIAN           malnourished
VIVACIOUS            loud
VOLUPTUOUS           see "cuddly"
ZAFTIG               see "voluptuous"
ZANY                 will boil your rabbit


   There you have it. Post your hunting results here!...

                             ......-Admiral