An Alternative To Jesus

Is America going to Hell in a handbasket? Perhaps it is, though I think that it is closer to the truth to say that America is going to Hell in a Mercedes. At the same time that God's Favorite Country is sliding toward that snowball-free state, many of its inhabitants are increasingly tuning out and turning on to the Drug of Ages. I'm talking about that Man with the Plan, that Master of Disaster, the Great White Hope Himself, Jesus.

Now before y'all get your bowels in an uproar let me state up front that for over ten years I myself was addicted to Jesus. It is only in the last year that this writer has managed to finally and utterly cast off the shackles of the Christianity Cult once and for all. Lemme tell you what life in God's Wehrmacht is like.

Imagine how life would be if you had to consult an enormous and mostly unintelligible (not to mention completely irrelevant) tech manual before you could indulge your slightest desire. Imagine closely scrutinizing every thought for its "scriptural validity" before you allow it to see the light of day in speech or private reflection in your own mind. Imagine going through your record collection and throwing out any music which might offend Mr. Jesus (or his legions of toadying minions). Consider how your life might be lived if you were convinced that "the spiritual realm" is more real than "the material realm". Reflect for just a moment how you would cope with the idea that your self and your personal ambitions for life, love, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are to be totally and absolutely subjugated to The Cosmic Enforcer's desires for you.

And now here's the really scary part, imagine if your main desire (and that of all of your brothers and sisters in Christ) was for every man, woman, and child on the face of the planet to be "washed in the blood of the lamb". In other words, what if your greatest wish was for everyone to be a Christian just like you?

Well, that's just a lil' smackerel of what life in the trenches of religion is like. Of course I left out the constant guilt (for having normal thoughts and desires which fall outside of The Formula), the close-minded bigotry, the self-righteous arrogance, and the dangerous idea that everything is completely under control, and we don't really need to worry about (or do anything about) the problems we live with here on this fragile Earth, because we're gwine up to Hebbin in the sweet by-and-by.

After all, why should we concern ourselves with this veil of tears when only Heaven matters? Why should we clean up our act when, as all true Biblical scholars know, we are living in "The End Times"? As you'll recall, sometime in the next forty or fifty years The Antichrist will arise and take control of the European Economic Community. Within seven years after that, Armageddon will occur and then finally, Jesus Himself will make a rare personal appearance and start crackin' skulls. And last and surely least, (after the Millenial reign of Christ) the Earth will be destroyed and a new Heaven and Earth will be created for all of us sheep to inhabit for all eternity. And of course we will spend that eternity gathered around Our Shepherd telling Him just what a totally groovy guy He really is. Peee-yew!

C'mon folks, is this or is this not some of the most foolish mummery you have ever heard in your life? I'm here to tell you that this is just a scratch on the surface of what the average Christian believes to be "Gospel Truth". And as more and more of America's citizens "take the plunge" and become hooked on Jesus, the face of this country will continue to change for the worse.

In my area there are no less than four Christian radio stations on the FM dial There aren't even that many rock & roll stations. It appears that Jesus may even be getting bigger than the Beatles. As far as I'm concerned, this is nothing but bad news for the rest of us who choose to exercise our rights and our free will by just saying NO! And as more and more religion addicts decide to start punching those ballots for legislators who will toe the party line, this country will slide farther and farther toward a police state. Unless more of us decide to get off our asses and do a little creative voting ourselves, the rights of the individual to remain an individual will shortly be gone with the wind as the Jihad takes control.

As an alternative to Jesus, I would like to offer this vision. What if we lived in a country where your neighbor wasn't convinced that the Hustler magazine you bought at the Convenience store is a grave threat to his way of life? What if women were totally free to do with their bodies as they saw fit without having to wade through a bunch of scripture-spouting busybodies in order to get a pap smear? What if people were completely free from scorn and prejudice because of the sexual decisions they chose to make for themselves (or their appearance for that matter)? What kind of country would this be if your religious persuasion remained a completely personal matter, and you didn't get all red and sweaty if other people didn't worship your exact way (or at all)?

Yeah I know, but it makes a rather nice Utopian dream doesn't it? What I want to know is how Christianity will change to fit a future in which the Antichrist doesn't appear, and Armageddon doesn't happen, and Jesus stays home and watches The Simpsons. It will be interesting to see how it develops. In any case, no matter what cosmetic surgery Christianity undergoes in the future (as it has in the past), as far as I'm concerned, you can teach an old dogma new tricks, but you can't make him think.

4:42 AM EDT