Twas The Thought Before X-mas

by: Don Funderburg
Twas the night before Christmas and all over the Earth,
Christian are celebrating Jesus Christ and his birth.

"The true meaning of Christmas" all the Christians will yell,
and those who don't believe, will all go to hell.

So sitting in bed I pondered that thought,
Of Jesus and God, and the gift they supposedly brought.

Of love everlasting, and eternity with God,
Christians even believe they'll leave their own bod!

Now don't accept God, or show some sign of unbelief,
the Christians will hound you into sorrow and grief.

So what makes the Christian believe without proof or a sign?
Faith? Stupidity? A brain tumor that might be benign?

The Christian say the Earth is 10,000 years old,
with fossils and carbon dating, this statement is quite bold.

"So why do I believe", I asked myself true,
I'm smarter than that, I have a science education too.

I am a minister, with study bibles and all,
and I stand on a pulpit, and I would feel so tall.

I spoke in tongues and excited all on the pew,
and baptize the young, the old, and even saved a few.

I would speak of the evils of smoking and beer,
and you know what, "I WASTED 10 YEARS!"

Believing that shit is filling me with strife,
I'd been different now and made something of my life.

So X-MAS is here and now I know the true reason,
It is Solstice and not Jesus that makes up the season.

Earth rounded the Sun with all of her might,
Merry Solstice to all and to all a good night.